Read back what you just posted and take away the whole issue of telling them you're gay and tell me how that is an acceptable way for you or your mother to live? How far does it have to go before something is done about your father?

My mother loves him. He is a father and a husband as well as a grandfather and like I said before we live in a narrow minded small place where everyone knows everyone and it would just kill our family name if it ever came out about my gayness or my fathers brutality.

That is very sad Mickey, you must make a decision on what is right for you

I am a million miles away from even being close to knowing what is right for me.

hmmmm  , it seems you have more problems than just worried about telling your Dad.

You say your 40, your parents live with you, or always have done, your Father always beats you, and you can't move out?

The first step is to think about having a place of your own where you will not be at risk of being beat up!

Again.....read what you just said. You're resigned to NOT telling them. There will always be a reason why you can't. Parents, where you live, job, whatever. I bet there is more gayness and brutality in your small place than you know. Granted most of it will probably go on behind closed doors but if you want to be happy then you need to make a stand. Speak to your mum first. Maybe her knowing and knowing how you feel about your dads reaction will make her stand up for herself too. Most mothers will choose a child over a husband. Father, husband, grandad.....makes no difference. If he's a violent bully which from what you say he seems to be then he needs dealt with. Maybe he doesn't realise how he is. If he's been allowed to get away with it for so long unchallenged then he probably thinks he's doing no wrong.

Not living with someone who beats and mocks you seems a starting point.

Go with your gut instinct !

Well you will have to sort it wont you? Today is a good day to start x

I agree. 

You are only treated how you allow yourself to be treated. There comes a time when you have to put yourself first. Nobody wants to think bad or do bad by their parents but if the situation is violent then surely common sense says do something about it

Thank you all for the pep talk. Tonights the night.

Sometimes you gotta be cruel to be kind 

Don't do it if any of you are drinking though. Clear head 

Send him over here if the old dude kicks off.  We'll sort 'im out.

I will do it when my dad comes back from his friday afternoon drinking routine.

Indeed Cagney

This is really heartbreaking.

You say your mother loves your Dad ------------does she really? I think you need to be making changes in your life for you and your mums sake. He really doesn't deserve the support of both of you. Speak to your mum - tell her how you feel. If she's with you that's all good - if she's not then you have to get them out of your flat. Give him (or them notice) inform the council - leave the coming out to one side for the mo.

It's more important that at forty years of age (or any age) that you are not under the threat of physical violence from a bully!

I'm not sure what advice there is out there but FGS do something - you deserve more. No one (your mum included) should live under the constant threat of violence.

It's undoubtdly  hard to make changes but you are a man - an adult - take the bull by the horns! At the very least stash some money away and rent a place of your own.

I really wish you well - you need to make some changes in your life - do yourself a favour and get the hell out of it! The coming out can come later!

double......




I'm having first dibs on your CD collection.  Ta.

Would probably be better if neither of you were drunk 

That doesn't happen often.

Then take this advice 

But I can't leave my mum with him or it will be her that takes the crap and not me.I wish he would just die.

If you just said you were moving out your mum would have to take the crap? 

Don't ever wish someone dead. You may despise the way your dad is but never wish him dead

Ok, I wish his fists would fall off instead.

Find your own flat, ask your mum if she wants to move in with you, if she doesnt leave her to it. She is a grown woman, and knows your dad very well. Your life matters, if the both of them cant see that, they deserve each other. It is not right that they control your life. I am going off now, take care x

Mmm well, he'd be half way to being 'armless then.  It's a start.

 I want you x

When i posted, I never realised you were 40!    Seriously, you have to get your own life.  i thought you were like 16 or 17. 

Massive

Not sure I fancy your lot as in laws tbh.  You've not sold 'em too well.

My own life is shit.

I must admit to thinking the same.

I had a bet on with my OH that you weren't a piss taker. You owe me a tenner 

Oooh   penis envy  

Glad it wasn't just me Eve.   

This mickie fella doesn't strike me as someone of 40 at all. 

The thing is, my dad is like the life and soul of a party, people would never believe he is capable of such actions. You would probably love his banter and get on well with him.

You should see what your Dad says.  He's on the Gardeners World forum moaning about his landlord. 

Awwwwww...

ooh i don't know

Your early advice may come in handy now.

Well I am deeply sorry for coming across as much younger than my years.
Why can't you move to another thread if you don't have any decent input for my problem, all you are doing is making me feel even more down and stupid than I already do.

Oh I don't know. I've met some crackers in my time. Some older than 40