anyways...i'm shattered and off for the night!!....thanks again for all your help xxxxxx....and thanks everyone xxxxxx.....
night..
ahhhhhh i see super....i suppose i was just looking at it in a black and white way....
anyways...i'm shattered and off for the night!!....thanks again for all your help xxxxxx....and thanks everyone xxxxxx.....
night..
anyways...i'm shattered and off for the night!!....thanks again for all your help xxxxxx....and thanks everyone xxxxxx.....
night..
quote:Originally posted by spongebob squarepants:
ahhhhhh i see super....i suppose i was just looking at it in a black and white way....
anyways...i'm shattered and off for the night!!....thanks again for all your help xxxxxx....and thanks everyone xxxxxx.....
night..
Me too nighty night
Posting in case you get to read this tomorrow a.m.
The details are a bit sketchy. I assume he hasnât already been charged and bailed to appear on 3 June at Mags?
If this is recent and he hasnât been up before the Mags then what has happened is.. or what it sounds like has happened is.. the guy has been arrested and bailed (with conditions) to appear at the station on 3 June. It is very common for those conditions to include not to contact the victim/witness, or incite anyone else to do the same on the arrested personâs behalf. It secures your friend (as much as these things can) because any breach of that can result in his further arrest.. so if he contacts her, calls her, comes anywhere near her 999 and great urgency and fear in her voice should bring the Police speedily to her assistance.
If my assumptions above are correct and he has not been charged (and Iâd urge your boss to speak to the OIC and confirm the information about his arrest and status and in writing by email confirm the bail conditions)âĶ the reason why he has been bailed out without charge is because, in all but minor offences, the decision to charge and the charges to be brought are no longer in the hands of the Police.. it is a CPS decision. I wonât bore you with how they come to a decision but amongst other things theyâll look at the evidence and whether there is a realistic prospect of conviction. In some ways it can be seen as a positive that he has been bailed out because they (the Police) are more likely to meet face to face with a prosecutor from their area/district and not have a knee jerk response from CPS Direct (donât get me started).
Anyhoo.. most important thing is keeping your friend safe. Iâm not going to sugar coat itâĶ she is in a vulnerable and dangerous positionâĶ two women a week are murdered in England and Wales by their partner or ex-partner. And keeping safe also goes for anyone around her.. and that includes you. Use every weapon and shield in the armoury. Be as paranoid as you like.. if it keeps you unharmed then all good. It has already been mentioned but Womens Aid (www.womensaid.org.uk) has tons of resources, information and advice about how to keep safe, what to do in a crisis and some legal info too. The most important thing is she must keep herself vigilant and safe: he has already proved himself to be unpredictable and violent so she mustnât rely on bail conditions alone to protect her.
Also try the National Centre for Domestic Violence (www.ncdv.org.uk). While he is in the âcriminal systemâ youâll find his bail conditions (police bail or Court bail) will continue to contain restrictive conditions regarding non-molestationâĶ (preserves the witness.. the NCDV will help with looking at non-molestation orders and injunctions if/when he comes out of that system.
If sheâs not happy with the way things are going regarding the Police then she can always remind them that the Home Office is very hot on Domestic Violence right now and ask how their investigation fits in with the Governmentâs Domestic Violence action plan and this yearâs H.O performance indicators and the latest ACPO guidance. That usually makes them take a little more notice.
The details are a bit sketchy. I assume he hasnât already been charged and bailed to appear on 3 June at Mags?
If this is recent and he hasnât been up before the Mags then what has happened is.. or what it sounds like has happened is.. the guy has been arrested and bailed (with conditions) to appear at the station on 3 June. It is very common for those conditions to include not to contact the victim/witness, or incite anyone else to do the same on the arrested personâs behalf. It secures your friend (as much as these things can) because any breach of that can result in his further arrest.. so if he contacts her, calls her, comes anywhere near her 999 and great urgency and fear in her voice should bring the Police speedily to her assistance.
If my assumptions above are correct and he has not been charged (and Iâd urge your boss to speak to the OIC and confirm the information about his arrest and status and in writing by email confirm the bail conditions)âĶ the reason why he has been bailed out without charge is because, in all but minor offences, the decision to charge and the charges to be brought are no longer in the hands of the Police.. it is a CPS decision. I wonât bore you with how they come to a decision but amongst other things theyâll look at the evidence and whether there is a realistic prospect of conviction. In some ways it can be seen as a positive that he has been bailed out because they (the Police) are more likely to meet face to face with a prosecutor from their area/district and not have a knee jerk response from CPS Direct (donât get me started).
Anyhoo.. most important thing is keeping your friend safe. Iâm not going to sugar coat itâĶ she is in a vulnerable and dangerous positionâĶ two women a week are murdered in England and Wales by their partner or ex-partner. And keeping safe also goes for anyone around her.. and that includes you. Use every weapon and shield in the armoury. Be as paranoid as you like.. if it keeps you unharmed then all good. It has already been mentioned but Womens Aid (www.womensaid.org.uk) has tons of resources, information and advice about how to keep safe, what to do in a crisis and some legal info too. The most important thing is she must keep herself vigilant and safe: he has already proved himself to be unpredictable and violent so she mustnât rely on bail conditions alone to protect her.
Also try the National Centre for Domestic Violence (www.ncdv.org.uk). While he is in the âcriminal systemâ youâll find his bail conditions (police bail or Court bail) will continue to contain restrictive conditions regarding non-molestationâĶ (preserves the witness.. the NCDV will help with looking at non-molestation orders and injunctions if/when he comes out of that system.
If sheâs not happy with the way things are going regarding the Police then she can always remind them that the Home Office is very hot on Domestic Violence right now and ask how their investigation fits in with the Governmentâs Domestic Violence action plan and this yearâs H.O performance indicators and the latest ACPO guidance. That usually makes them take a little more notice.
Yeah, I was going to say what tups said. 
Added to what Tupps said, she has ample grounds to fly off to the nearest county court and seek a non-molestation injunction under the Protection from Harassment Act.
If granted, it will prevent him from approaching, harassing, threatening or pestering her, from phoning her, usually from coming within a specified distance of her home or workplace, from writing to her and indeed from encouraging any other person to do likewise.
She'd be well advised to see a solicitor. Public funding (formerly legal aid) may be available, depending on her means, but if it isn't her local Citizens Advice Bureau may be able to sort the paperwork for free, if money is tight.
Alternatively, for a couple hundred notes, I'm sure an enterprising local young man or two can be persuaded to warn him off the 'old fashioned' way
If granted, it will prevent him from approaching, harassing, threatening or pestering her, from phoning her, usually from coming within a specified distance of her home or workplace, from writing to her and indeed from encouraging any other person to do likewise.
She'd be well advised to see a solicitor. Public funding (formerly legal aid) may be available, depending on her means, but if it isn't her local Citizens Advice Bureau may be able to sort the paperwork for free, if money is tight.
Alternatively, for a couple hundred notes, I'm sure an enterprising local young man or two can be persuaded to warn him off the 'old fashioned' way
quote:Originally posted by Blizzie:
Yeah, I was going to say what tups said.
I was in your bathroom cupboard reading your thoughts..
quote:Originally posted by tupps:quote:Originally posted by Blizzie:
Yeah, I was going to say what tups said.
I was in your bathroom cupboard reading your thoughts..
And mine....
ive just read your thread starter spongey-blimey!
dunno if anybody else has said this - but 'hurt feelings' and using 'insulting words' carry a far more serious charge than pulling a knife!
why?
dunno if anybody else has said this - but 'hurt feelings' and using 'insulting words' carry a far more serious charge than pulling a knife!
why?
quote:Originally posted by tupps:
Posting in case you get to read this tomorrow a.m.
The details are a bit sketchy. I assume he hasnât already been charged and bailed to appear on 3 June at Mags?
If this is recent and he hasnât been up before the Mags then what has happened is.. or what it sounds like has happened is.. the guy has been arrested and bailed (with conditions) to appear at the station on 3 June. It is very common for those conditions to include not to contact the victim/witness, or incite anyone else to do the same on the arrested personâs behalf. It secures your friend (as much as these things can) because any breach of that can result in his further arrest.. so if he contacts her, calls her, comes anywhere near her 999 and great urgency and fear in her voice should bring the Police speedily to her assistance.
If my assumptions above are correct and he has not been charged (and Iâd urge your boss to speak to the OIC and confirm the information about his arrest and status and in writing by email confirm the bail conditions)âĶ the reason why he has been bailed out without charge is because, in all but minor offences, the decision to charge and the charges to be brought are no longer in the hands of the Police.. it is a CPS decision. I wonât bore you with how they come to a decision but amongst other things theyâll look at the evidence and whether there is a realistic prospect of conviction. In some ways it can be seen as a positive that he has been bailed out because they (the Police) are more likely to meet face to face with a prosecutor from their area/district and not have a knee jerk response from CPS Direct (donât get me started).
Anyhoo.. most important thing is keeping your friend safe. Iâm not going to sugar coat itâĶ she is in a vulnerable and dangerous positionâĶ two women a week are murdered in England and Wales by their partner or ex-partner. And keeping safe also goes for anyone around her.. and that includes you. Use every weapon and shield in the armoury. Be as paranoid as you like.. if it keeps you unharmed then all good. It has already been mentioned but Womens Aid (www.womensaid.org.uk) has tons of resources, information and advice about how to keep safe, what to do in a crisis and some legal info too. The most important thing is she must keep herself vigilant and safe: he has already proved himself to be unpredictable and violent so she mustnât rely on bail conditions alone to protect her.
Also try the National Centre for Domestic Violence (www.ncdv.org.uk). While he is in the âcriminal systemâ youâll find his bail conditions (police bail or Court bail) will continue to contain restrictive conditions regarding non-molestationâĶ (preserves the witness.. the NCDV will help with looking at non-molestation orders and injunctions if/when he comes out of that system.
If sheâs not happy with the way things are going regarding the Police then she can always remind them that the Home Office is very hot on Domestic Violence right now and ask how their investigation fits in with the Governmentâs Domestic Violence action plan and this yearâs H.O performance indicators and the latest ACPO guidance. That usually makes them take a little more notice.
Really informative post Tupps.I didnt know any of that.
Spongey,you and your friend take care of yourself
quote:Originally posted by Bigdaddyostrich:
Added to what Tupps said, she has ample grounds to fly off to the nearest county court and seek a non-molestation injunction under the Protection from Harassment Act.
If granted, it will prevent him from approaching, harassing, threatening or pestering her, from phoning her, usually from coming within a specified distance of her home or workplace, from writing to her and indeed from encouraging any other person to do likewise.
She'd be well advised to see a solicitor. Public funding (formerly legal aid) may be available, depending on her means, but if it isn't her local Citizens Advice Bureau may be able to sort the paperwork for free, if money is tight.
Alternatively, for a couple hundred notes, I'm sure an enterprising local young man or two can be persuaded to warn him off the 'old fashioned' way
Definately.
Protection from Harassment Act provides for criminal sanctions as well as civil ones.. so check with the Police as to whether they intend to take criminal proceedings under that Act. If they don't then she can go down the civil route.. and the NCDV can help with this (their services and advice are free).. if she decides to go ahead and doesn't qualify for the LFC (legal aid) then they often provide a McKenzie Friend (a non legally qualified person) from their organisation who can help and attend the hearings with her and guide her through the process.
thanks tupps.....xxxxx.......
he hasn't been charged as yet.....but has to go back on june 3rd..condition of bail is he doesn't go near her or contact her....
i've passed onto her everything everyone had said last night,....and will tell her what you've advised as well...
she seems a bit brighter today.....but we're all on our guard at work....the headmaster is in contact with the police...and today we had a meeting with him regarding security at the school....which is really poor....
he's looking into ways of improving it...so that's a start at least.
we're all(especially her) a bit jumpy at work cos obviously we're worried he may come back.....but so far nothing
thanks again everyone for your help....xx
he hasn't been charged as yet.....but has to go back on june 3rd..condition of bail is he doesn't go near her or contact her....
i've passed onto her everything everyone had said last night,....and will tell her what you've advised as well...
she seems a bit brighter today.....but we're all on our guard at work....the headmaster is in contact with the police...and today we had a meeting with him regarding security at the school....which is really poor....
he's looking into ways of improving it...so that's a start at least.
we're all(especially her) a bit jumpy at work cos obviously we're worried he may come back.....but so far nothing
thanks again everyone for your help....xx
yw..
If he so much as breathes in her general direction, contacts her or comes within olympic javelin throwing distance of her.. phone, 999, distress, fear, help me.
Bail conditions can make someone think twice but he sounds (imho) a bit like someone who really doesn't give a stuff any more.. so they may not make a blind bit of difference to him and he may not care about breaching them.. so safety first.
Horrible thing to happen. Crossed fingers for her... tell her to keep vigilant and keep strong.
If he so much as breathes in her general direction, contacts her or comes within olympic javelin throwing distance of her.. phone, 999, distress, fear, help me.
Bail conditions can make someone think twice but he sounds (imho) a bit like someone who really doesn't give a stuff any more.. so they may not make a blind bit of difference to him and he may not care about breaching them.. so safety first.
Horrible thing to happen. Crossed fingers for her... tell her to keep vigilant and keep strong.
My God, I've just read the whole thread through spongy, I do hope that all the advice you have been given helps your Friend! 
Spongey, blimey 
Good luck to your mate xx
Good luck to your mate xx
will do tupps....and thanks again xxxx
we were saying that.....that cos he's already in trouble...he probably won't care.....and he's already said he 'can't live without her'.....so i'm concerned he won't give two hoots about bail conditions.
she hasn't heard from him today...so that's good....but i think it may be over the next few days....plus we're on half term next week...so he'll know she won't have the security of workmates and other staff around her...she's said she'll call 999 if he contacts her......
the only thing i'm worried about is now she's saying she feels guilty...and it's her fault.....we're all telling her she mustn't feel like that.....but maybe that's a natural reaction?
we were saying that.....that cos he's already in trouble...he probably won't care.....and he's already said he 'can't live without her'.....so i'm concerned he won't give two hoots about bail conditions.
she hasn't heard from him today...so that's good....but i think it may be over the next few days....plus we're on half term next week...so he'll know she won't have the security of workmates and other staff around her...she's said she'll call 999 if he contacts her......
the only thing i'm worried about is now she's saying she feels guilty...and it's her fault.....we're all telling her she mustn't feel like that.....but maybe that's a natural reaction?
spingey...hope it all sorts for your mate
thanks devil xxxx....leccy xxxx....watty xxxx
It is a natural reaction Spongey and exactly what he wanted.
She has nothing to feel guilty about it's blatant manipulation on his part.
She is not responcible for his actions
She has nothing to feel guilty about it's blatant manipulation on his part.
She is not responcible for his actions
quote:Originally posted by spongebob squarepants:
will do tupps....and thanks again xxxx
we were saying that.....that cos he's already in trouble...he probably won't care.....and he's already said he 'can't live without her'.....so i'm concerned he won't give two hoots about bail conditions.
she hasn't heard from him today...so that's good....but i think it may be over the next few days....plus we're on half term next week...so he'll know she won't have the security of workmates and other staff around her...she's said she'll call 999 if he contacts her......
the only thing i'm worried about is now she's saying she feels guilty...and it's her fault.....we're all telling her she mustn't feel like that.....but maybe that's a natural reaction?
Will her BF be around while she's on Holiday, hope so, also, in no way are HIS actions her fault...I bet he's not feeling guilty for the stress he's putting her through!!!!
quote:Originally posted by spongebob squarepants:
will do tupps....and thanks again xxxx
we were saying that.....that cos he's already in trouble...he probably won't care.....and he's already said he 'can't live without her'.....so i'm concerned he won't give two hoots about bail conditions.
she hasn't heard from him today...so that's good....but i think it may be over the next few days....plus we're on half term next week...so he'll know she won't have the security of workmates and other staff around her...she's said she'll call 999 if he contacts her......
the only thing i'm worried about is now she's saying she feels guilty...and it's her fault.....we're all telling her she mustn't feel like that.....but maybe that's a natural reaction?
It was all designed to cause her harm. Even if he had no intention of doing her physical damage then doing what he did was designed to cause her emotional and mental distress. Highly manipulative behaviour.
It's not her fault. She didn't cause that, she can't control what he does to himself and she certainly can't make him better. All she can do is keep herself safe. It'd be a good idea if she called Womens Aid. It'd also be a good idea if she asked the Police officer in charge of this case to have Victim Support give her a call.
It'd also be a good idea if she either got away to a friends for a few days or had someone with her.
i'll pass all that on....cheers tupps xxx.....she's moving house next week.....so i think she's staying at her b/f's for a few days...i said it might be an idea to change her mobile number too
thanks ever so much for the advice.
thanks ever so much for the advice.
Good luck to your friend, Spongey
At least she has people around who care about her
At least she has people around who care about her
quote:Originally posted by spongebob squarepants:
i'll pass all that on....cheers tupps xxx.....she's moving house next week.....so i think she's staying at her b/f's for a few days...i said it might be an idea to change her mobile number too
thanks ever so much for the advice.
NP.
Changing her mobile number is a good idea if it isn't going to cause her too much hassle. But right now if he contacts her, more evidence of the harassment. Straight on the blower to the Police if he does.That's good that she's not going to be on her own and she'll have her BF etc around. Give her some hugs and tell her no feeling guilty.. that's exactly what he is banking on.
thanks deman xxxxxx
i hadn't thought of that tupps....i guess it'd be better if she kept the number for a while....so as to gather evidence....cos i really think he won't last more than a couple of days without getting in touch with her.
guess we'll have to wait and see how it pans out.
i hadn't thought of that tupps....i guess it'd be better if she kept the number for a while....so as to gather evidence....cos i really think he won't last more than a couple of days without getting in touch with her.
guess we'll have to wait and see how it pans out.