What happened last night through the night for those that didn't stay up to see it.
Read from the bottom up.
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04.39: Sophie stirs in her sleep. Someone is snoring in the bedroom. Could it be Lisa?
04.15: Housemates are all still sleeping. Noirin turns over.
02.43: All housemates are in the land of nod.
02.21: All housemates are trying to get some much needed kip.
02.16: Non housemates are trying to get some sleep.
02.09: Hypocritical housemates in the bedroom are rolling around laughing about something.
02.08: Sree suggests they go outside so they can make more noise, but Beinazir can't be bothered.
02.07: Rodrigo peeps out of the bedroom to see what the non housemates are doing. He asks Beinazir to keep it down as she giggles away.
02.06: Beinazir says her mum and dad have tried to arrange her a marriage but they can't find anyone. "There is no-one. No-one will take me," she says. "Because I'm crazy."
02.03: Big Brother reminds housemates not to discuss the auditions process.
01.55: Angel walks inside from the garden looking tired.
01.51: Cairon says he is going to sleep.
01.49: Beinazir says she has never really had a proper boyfriend. "I can't believe Terminator is the state of California," says Beinazir.
"Governor," corrects Cairon, looking appalled.
01.48: "She thinks I am a child," says Cairon to Sree, pointing at Beinazir. Cairon doesn't believe Sree when he says he has never had a girlfriend. Cairon says he's had between 15 to 20. Quick work at 18.
01.46: Cairon asks Sree how many girlfriends he has had. He says: "No comment."
01.35: Cairon, Beinazir and Sree seem to be struggling with their non housemate status.
01.30: A miserable looking Beinazir chats to Sree in the living room. She tells Sree he "has energy".
01.27: Rodrigo and Sophie are whispering in bed.
01.26: Housemates are chatting in the dark in the bedroom. Saffia is telling a ghost story.
01.19: Noirin is brushing her teeth sat in bed. Halfwit Freddie is also in bed.
01.18: Marcus is trying to sleep on the living room floor - Wolverine wouldn't stand for this kind of treatment.
Charlie blurts out: "I've had two poos today." Thanks for that, too much information!
01.16: Lisa says: "Bacon and egg sandwiches in the morning I think." Kris, Charlie, Saffia and Karly are in bed, Rodrigo, Sophie, Noirin and Lisa go into the bedroom. Kris says: "I don't wanna freak you out but we're being watched."
01.11: Sophie and Noirin say they want some better looking men in the house. Sophie says she wants some 'proper men'. Lisa says: "Oooo you want a geezer, geezer men innit."
01.08: Lisa says: "Get obsessed with the money in your bank, but not with your looks."
01.07: Lisa, Noirin and Sophie are chatting about plastic surgery in the kitchen. Sophie says she wants her lips done at the top. Noirin says: "Lesley Ash!" Point taken.
01.01: Marcus discusses his world record swearing attempt in the talent contest. He says that the holder, US TV show Deadwood, wouldn't have been able to swear that many times in one minute.
00.59: Sophie says: "I proper hated it sleeping on the floor and all that." Lisa asks Sophie if she has fake boobs, she says she went from a FF to a GG but wants to go bigger. Lisa says: "I think you will regret it, I don't know why you wanna go bigger, leave them like that."
Sophie says: "They give me a bad back sometimes."
00.56: Lisa sits down for a cuppa in the kitchen. Rodrigo and Sophie are washing and drying up.
00.55: Noirin sips at a cup of tea. Rodrigo and Dogface Sophie are having fun pretending she is his dog - think lots of doggy style jokes.
00.54: Beinazir says: "I'm on a downer now, we all have our turn don't we." She goes into the Diary Room as Cairon and Marcus come out.
00.52: Kris and Charlie are talking about Lisa's snoring. Kris says: "Lisa reckons she only snores on her back." And Charlie cuts in: "But she snores ALL the time." The boys are getting ready for bed in the bedroom.
00.49: Rodrigo is washing glasses in the kitchen while chatting to Charlie, Noirin and Saffia. Noirin says she wants to go to bed.
00.48: Marcus and Cairon go to the Diary Room. Saffia says to Charlie, Kris and Karly: "Sophie looked quite sexy as a dog, didn't she?" Karly laughs.
00.47: Housemates are talking about methods of contraception. Karly says she has never heard of a 'f**** dam'. Kris tells her they "ruin the moment".
00.39: As housemates mess about BB announces: "In the interests of safety housemates are not permitted to place condoms over their heads." They all laugh.
00.38: Charlie says he brought nine condoms into the house. He blows another one up.
00.36: Kris, Saffia and Karly tell Charlie to blow up a condom. He returns to the living room and starts to put it over his head, but it rips.
"You have to stretch it out first, big time," advises man-in-the-know Kris. He's done this before.
00.34: Karly, Saffia and Kris are munching on some food in the kitchen.
00.28: And Cairon is the winner - receiving a ... wine glass. He does a fabulous weeping Oscar worthy acceptance performance. "Like, this is my dream come true!" he says emotionally.
00.21: Cairon, Kris and Lisa and Dogface and Rodrigo are the top three as voted for by the judges.
00.20: Sree looks like he might possibly be trying to do a Michael Jackson-esque dance - but I can't be sure! He ends with an Earth song on the floor moment - that was my first clue.
00.19: Saffia does an impression of Marge Simpson for her talent - not bad. Lisa LOVES it and lunges forward to hug her!
00.18: Dogface uses her name to her advantage for her talent as she performs an agility test with 'master' Rodrigo.
00.15: Marcus is up next and says he is going to attempt to break the world record for swearing the most times on TV in one minute by saying the word f*** over and over again. It's actually quite impressive.
00.14: Angel says she is going to dance for her talent - she even attempts some bodypopping as housemates clap along .
00.13: The name Halfwit is very appropriate for Freddie as he closes his eyes and puts his heart and soul into his sing-song.
00.12: Cairon recites a poem/rap that he wrote himself. He gets a rapturous reception from his fellow housemates.
00.10: Kris is next up with Lisa doing some sort of dance routine.
00.08: Charlie and Karly are first up in the Britain's Got Talent style contest. The pair say they're in a band called Grease Lightning and want a record deal. They are singing and so the sound has been cut.
Marcus, Angel and Freddie are judging.
00.07: Siavash is sleeping in the living room. Beinazir is also dozing. Lisa is trying to get a talent show going.
00.01: Sophie goes into the living room to talk to Cairon.
00.00: Saffia is called to the Diary Room by Big Brother. Sophie and Rodrigo go into the kitchen to get a drink. Rodrigo downs some wine.
23.58: Saffia and Charlie are paired up - although Kris and Lisa really couldn't seem to care less.
23.57: Rodrigo and Sophie are paired up although Kris seems to think his name is Federico ... they're not the sharpest bunch.
23.56: Speed-dating is over and Kris and Lisa say that they think the most chemistry was between Angel and Marcus. Lisa keeps calling Rodrigo 'Enrique' - hilarious!
23.55: Sree is onto Sophie and he's working it. He pretends to pass her his 'business card'. What a charmer.
23.53: Saffia and Marcus are getting on like a house on fire. Marcus says: "Do you think you could put up with my uncontrollable flatulence." Saffia says :"No, that's a man, that's a real man."
Marcus tells Saffia that he is a Circus elephant. This is bizarre. Saffia tells Marcus that her name is Selina and she is a clown.
23.52: Rodrigo is chatting to Noirin. He says: "I saw you on Big Brother once, you are more beautiful in person." Noirin says: "We'd make beautiful kids." She's a bit forward.
23.50: Kris and Lisa look bored as they watch everyone else speed-date.
23.48: Sree is chatting up Noirin he tells her that he is a mechanical engineer - he has lots of skills! She seems impressed - maybe she's an actress. She tells him she is a fashion designer - or a liar!
23.43: Sree tells Sophia that red and black are his favourite colours.
23.41: Sophia is now dating Sree. They both look very embarrassed. Sree says: "I can't be like this with you."
Sree tells Sophia that he is a TV director - there are a lot of non truths hanging around tonight.
23.40: Charlie lies and tells Sophia that he's a fireman. She asks if he's a fireman of the stripper variety. Charlie says his type of woman would be "attractive, nice smile, nice personality, like you Sophia".
23.39: "So do you come here often?" asks Charlie. "Yeah, it's my local hangout" says Sophia. "I'm not looking for anything serious. I like to be my own woman. I like a bit of bish bosh, and I'm done."
23.38: Freddie moves on to Saffia and starts with the same line about her "beautiful name". Yawn - get a new chat up line Halfwit.
Charlie is chatting up Sophia.
23.37: I'm thinking the chemistry just isn't there for Sophia and Freddie, can we see another date Mr cameraman?
23.36: And the dates are beginning. Sophia and Freddie are chatting away. Freddie is working it telling Sophia she has a beautiful name and that he loves her hair. Sophia can't stop giggling.
23.33: Lisa and Kris say they are going to watch and judge. Kris says: "We'll pair people up at the end." He is happily swigging away on a beer. Nobody looks thrilled with the game.
23.32: Cairon and Saffia are trying to organise everyone - rather unsuccessfully!
23.32: Saffia says: "Right, are we ready to date?"
23.30: Housemates are organising a speed dating event.
23.23: Rodrigo says his star sign is Libra, but he tells Angel that he doesn't believe in it. He says: "I believe in god, not in signs." Shhh, don't let Mystic Meg hear you talk like that!
23.21: Angel says: "I am afraid of getting old."
Rodrigo says he already has wrinkles and points out his forehead to Angel. Angel agrees that he has indeed got wrinkles. She says: "You need to be more careful, don't frown." Harsh. He says that's why he has a fringe.
Rodrigo says Angel has nice skin.
23.19: Angel says that fitness is "artificial energy". She tells Rodrigo: "Use it in the right direction, don't let go of it. It's a good energy." She tells him that at the moment he has the natural energy of youth but that in the future he will have to work at energy by keeping fit.
Rodrigo says: "You are really nice, you can feel nice people." Modest Angel says: "I'm ok."
23.18: Angel tells Rodrigo: "Take it seriously, your youth, otherwise you'll waste it and then, puff, you're like me, old."
23.17: Angel asks Rodrigo if he has girls running after him. He says "some". Angel asks if he has a girlfriend. He says no. She tells him that she has a boyfriend. Rodrigo says he is single because he justs wants to have fun.
23.16: Lisa is rolling a cigarette, Beinazir looks worried as she chews her lip. Rodrigo and Marcus are having a chat. Marcus says he will start marshall arts when he gets out of the house.
23.15: Sophia is sat giggling on Sree's lap.
23.14: Karly goes into the kitchen scoffing a sandwich. Siavash, Beinazir, Lisa and Sophia are chatting outside.
23.13: Cairon goes into the Diary Room.
23.12: And we're back! Housemates have their suitcases and have just been delivered some food - a picnic hamper with beer and wine - they are very excited!
I know what they are though.
I am old enough to know about DMs that goes on your feet 
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