Help please!

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My daughter (16)has been with her b/f for just over a year. He is very good looking and a lovely lad, popular at School. Recentely this woman at their School; some sort of helper/T.A has been sending him suggestive text mssgs!!!

I kid you not! Stuff like; "come round to mine and grind on me" "did you see I let you have a peek of my bra-strap this morning, bet you wondered what was in there?"!!! etc etc

There were 10 or 11 messages in all. All in the same vein. When my daughter found out, she rang this woman and her first comment was "are you gonna tell work" So she clearly knew she was in the wrong. (she's in her late 30's for gods sake!

) When my daughter told me I said she HAD to inform someone at School, as if she was doing this with a boy of 16, worse could be going on with a younger pupil. She was worried about repercussions as this woman for some reason (unknown to the school at the time) had a lot of the kids numbers and had them on her facebook!!!

In the end she went to her head of year and told her. They viewed the texts and this woman was immediately sacked. Now she is getting all sorts of probs at School! This woman has lied and told some of them she "sent one text by mistake to the wrong person" Now she's got girls saying to her at School and on facebook that she's ruined this womans life and she could lose her home and kids!!

The School have been good and have told her to inform them of anything that happens, but she is now saying she doesnt wanna go to 6th form come September coz of all this. I keep telling her I am here for her and that she done the right thing, but I know what teenage girls can be like and am worried about what might happen when she's out! Any ideas guys please?

Replies sorted oldest to newest

*yogi Bear*Member

i can't help but

for you and your daughter

6/30/0911:47 AM

MrMincePieMember

If she was fit and had nice boobs then why did the boy say anything or give it away? at least get abit of action then grass her up

Im so evil

6/30/0911:48 AM

CheekyPixieMember

Oh jeeeez LSM. What a palava; Not much advice really, apart from to say that you and your daughter did the right thing. This woman is borderline pedophile - seriously. Like if she was 18 or 19 it would be different, but she is 30-odd and NEEDED sacking for the sake of the children.

NONE of it is your daughter's fault and by mid Sept, it will probably have blown over a bit anyway, as some other news will take over. If your daughter can't go to 6th form, is there a college she could go to instead? Maybe even get the head involved and get him to threaten her with the police, coz what she is doing is tantamount to harrassment and bullying. What a childish woman. My 14 y.o daughter is more mature!

6/30/0911:49 AM

Little Miss SpursMember

quote:
Originally posted by Cheeky-Pixie:
Oh jeeeez LSm. What a palava; Not mcuh advice really, apart from to say that you and your daughter did the right thing. This woman is borderline pedophile- seriously. Like if she was 18 or 19 it would be different, but she NEEDED sacking. NONE of it is your daughter's fault and by mid Sept, it will probably have blown over a bit anyway, as some other news will take over. If your daughter can't go to 6th form, is there a college she could go to instead?

There is, but I obviously am of the view that she shouldnt have to change coz of all this. If it carries on tho she may end up doing so.

6/30/0911:51 AM

LeccyMember

First thing, she did the right thing in reporting the woman, even if he was 16 it is a big NO when in a position of authority.

She's just got to keep informing the school about the gossip and bitching...and you need to make an appointment to speak to someone about it (and keep reassuring her and keeping her spirits up)

6/30/0911:52 AM

Former Member

Can the school not make a statement to the kids at school, in particular about the number of text messages sent and that it was the right thing for your daughter to have done? The school ought to encourage pupils to tell someone in authority if this sort of thing happens so they should [edit: not] balk at backing her.

If the woman has just been sacked then she is lucky. Adults sending texts of a sexual nature to a 16yo (ie. over the age of consent) is not wrong in itself but her position at the school makes it illegal and a sexual offence. She's lucky to have just been sacked, I'd say.

6/30/0911:52 AM

PussMember

Oh how awful

All I can is your daughter did absolutely the right thing. This woman is angry that her nasty, dirty lil game has been foiled. Explain to the school and also contact the police, because this is harrassment.

6/30/0911:52 AM

WILDER XMember

quote:
Can the school not make a statement to the kids at school, in particular about the number of text messages sent and that it was the right thing for your daughter to have done? The school ought to encourage pupils to tell someone in authority if this sort of thing happens so they should balk at backing her

I agree.

6/30/0911:53 AM

Dame_Ann_AverageMember VIP10 years

I can only suggest you go along to the school and talk it over with them and explain what your daughter is going through for telling the truth, what an awful situation to be in and your daughter did the right thing bless her.

6/30/0911:53 AM

CheekyPixieMember

quote:
Originally posted by Daniel J*:
Can the school not make a statement to the kids at school, in particular about the number of text messages sent and that it was the right thing for your daughter to have done? The school ought to encourage pupils to tell someone in authority if this sort of thing happens so they should balk at backing her.

If the woman has just been sacked then she is lucky. Adults sending texts of a sexual nature to a 16yo (ie. over the age of consent) is not wrong in itself but her position at the school makes it illegal and a sexual offence. She's lucky to have just been sacked, I'd say.

Agree

good post Daniel

6/30/0911:54 AM

CheekyPixieMember

quote:
Originally posted by pussycatj:
Oh how awful All I can is your daughter did absolutely the right thing. This woman is angry that her nasty, dirty lil game has been foiled. Explain to the school and also contact the police, because this is harrassment.

Exactly what I said

6/30/0911:55 AM

MrMincePieMember

quote:
Originally posted by Daniel J*:
Can the school not make a statement to the kids at school, in particular about the number of text messages sent and that it was the right thing for your daughter to have done? The school ought to encourage pupils to tell someone in authority if this sort of thing happens so they should balk at backing her.

If the woman has just been sacked then she is lucky. Adults sending texts of a sexual nature to a 16yo (ie. over the age of consent) is not wrong in itself but her position at the school makes it illegal and a sexual offence. She's lucky to have just been sacked, I'd say.

I seriously think that would make the whole situation worse. If i was in that situation and that did happen everyone would turn around and start looking at me

It would never end and just end up getting more attention

6/30/0911:55 AM

chinaMember

your kid did the right thing

the woman was in the wrong-she knows it and she's shitting bricks
so what if she loses her home?
she shouldnt have been texting pervy stuff to schoolkids
im sure it'll blow over

6/30/0911:55 AM

Queen of the High TeasMember

Good grief. You and your daughter have definitely done the right thing. Can't the school intervene about the Facebook thing? Perhaps it should be suggested that it is highly innappropriate for this woman to be having any sort of friendship with school kids.

6/30/0911:56 AM

Former Member

quote:
Originally posted by Cheeky-Pixie:
This woman is borderline pedophile - seriously.

No she isn't. It's a sexual offence because she's in a position of authority and the lad is below 18 and that's illegal. Had she not worked at the school then she would not have been doing anything illegal. Paedophilia is about pre-pubescents and shouldn't be polluted as a term with pubescent teenagers.

6/30/0911:56 AM

LeccyMember

quote:
quote:
Originally posted by Cheeky-Pixie:
This woman is borderline pedophile - seriously.

Nah, just a daft cow

6/30/0911:57 AM

AngelMember

Oh my goodness ... what a horrible situation for you poor daughter.
She definitely did the right thing. Could you make an appointemnt to go into school with your daughter, and discuss what has been happening since this woman was quite rightly saked.
There should be some support for your daughter considering the circumstances.

Why should your daughter suffer when this pathetic so called teacher was greatly at fault.

It's disgusting .... your daughter deserves to be supported for as long as this takes .... I'd be livid & asking for support from the school.

I truly hope you get this matter sorted .... I can't imagine what you must be going through as such a delicate time in your daughters school life .... you have my complete sympathy

6/30/0911:58 AM

Little Miss SpursMember

quote:
Originally posted by Queen of the High Teas:
Good grief. You and your daughter have definitely done the right thing. Can't the school intervene about the Facebook thing? Perhaps it should be suggested that it is highly innappropriate for this woman to be having any sort of friendship with school kids.

My daughter checked last night and she has deleted her facebook contacts with all the kids she had! So she aint stupid.

6/30/0911:58 AM

CheekyPixieMember

quote:
Originally posted by Daniel J*:
quote:
Originally posted by Cheeky-Pixie:
This woman is borderline pedophile - seriously.

No she isn't. It's a sexual offence because she's in a position of authority and the lad is below 18 and that's illegal. Had she not worked at the school then she would not have been doing anything illegal. Paedophilia is about pre-pubescents and shouldn't be polluted as a term with pubescent teenagers.

Fair comment, but I know it isn't 'actually' pedophillia coz he is 16, that is why I said 'borderline.' I said that because if he had been 14 or 15, I don't think it would have made any difference to her. Ergo she is a borderline pedophile IMHO. I think she would quite happily and willingly go for someone as young as 13 if he was 'fit' enough. JMHO of course based on what the OP said about her.

6/30/0912:00 PM

Little Miss SpursMember

quote:
Originally posted by Poker Face:
Oh my goodness ... what a horrible situation for you poor daughter.
She definitely did the right thing. Could you make an appointemnt to go into school with your daughter, and discuss what has been happening since this woman was quite rightly saked.
There should be some support for your daughter considering the circumstances.

Why should your daughter suffer when this pathetic so called teacher was greatly at fault.

It's disgusting .... your daughter deserves to be supported for as long as this takes .... I'd be livid & asking for support from the school.

I truly hope you get this matter sorted .... I can't imagine what you must be going through as such a delicate time in your daughters school life .... you have my complete sympathy

Thanks for that. The School are behind her, but theres only so much they can do. If something happens out of School then they arent responsible. If I have to call the police I will do, but it will probably just make things worse. Its like she's in a no-win situation.

6/30/0912:01 PM

LeccyMember

To have kids from the school on her f/b account was also veeeeeeery wrong IMO.

Whilst not "officially" wrong it's unprofessional and only setting herself up for trouble (well,if losing her job wasn't enough, the reckless bint!)

6/30/0912:01 PM

MrMincePieMember

My dad actually goes through something similar to this every week... just last week a 16 yr old girl showed up at his childrens centre asking for help because she was pregant, very much regreted it and just wanted to go to college but her B/f (28-30 yr old) wanted to keep the baby and showed every day at the childrens centre trying to talk to her and wanted to keep the baby

He is using all sorts of drugs and has so far assaulted 2-3 social workers who have been talking to him and he was locked out of the childrens centre because she doesnt want to see him... When speaking to my Dad about it he said the social workers believe he will show up and they will both run off to london

6/30/0912:02 PM

Little Miss SpursMember

quote:
Originally posted by Cheeky-Pixie:
quote:
Originally posted by Daniel J*:
quote:
Originally posted by Cheeky-Pixie:
This woman is borderline pedophile - seriously.

No she isn't. It's a sexual offence because she's in a position of authority and the lad is below 18 and that's illegal. Had she not worked at the school then she would not have been doing anything illegal. Paedophilia is about pre-pubescents and shouldn't be polluted as a term with pubescent teenagers.
Fair comment, but I know it isn't 'actually' pedophillia coz he is 16, that is why I said 'borderline.' I said that because if he had been 14 or 15, I don't think it would have made any difference to her. Ergo she is a borderline pedophile IMHO. I think she would quite happily and willingly go for someone as young as 13 if he was 'fit' enough. JMHO of course based on what the OP said about her.

And he could well have been only 15 when the texts started. I'd have to check, but its possible.

6/30/0912:02 PM

LeccyMember

quote:
I think she would quite happily and willingly go for someone as young as 13 if he was 'fit' enough

Cheeky Pixie, that's a HUGE assumption there, seriously. I'm shocked you just said that

6/30/0912:02 PM

CheekyPixieMember

Gotta go now peeps. Got take my aunt's birthday pressie round for tomorrow, and she lives 20 minutes drive away.. so I won't get back til about 9.30pm as it is! I won't hear the last of it if her pressie is late

See you all soon.

6/30/0912:04 PM

Little Miss SpursMember

quote:
Originally posted by Cheeky-Pixie:
Gotta go now peeps. Got take my aunt's birthday pressie round for tomorrow, and she lives 20 minutes drive away.. so I won't get back til about 9.30pm as it is! I won't hear the last of it if her pressie is late See you all soon.

6/30/0912:05 PM

PussMember

quote:
Originally posted by Cheeky-Pixie:
Gotta go now peeps. Got take my aunt's birthday pressie round for tomorrow, and she lives 20 minutes drive away.. so I won't get back til about 9.30pm as it is! I won't hear the last of it if her pressie is late See you all soon.

bye cheeky

6/30/0912:05 PM

Former Member

If a male member of staff had done this everyone would be outraged. Why do people often think it's different when it's a woman? It's exactly the same.
You say she was sacked immediately. Do you know if police and social care were involved? They should have been, school should have been following the allegations against staff procedures which necessitates their involvement. The woman has committed offences. The police should probably also be following up on the fact that the woman has children as friends on face book and is saying what she is saying to them/minimising. School, imo, should also be having serious words with the girls who are 'bullying' your daughter, putting them straight and, without going into detail, making it very clear that this woman was sacked for a very good reason.

6/30/0912:06 PM

WILDER XMember

If the police did get involved I think they can look at her face book account even if its deleted.

6/30/0912:06 PM

CheekyPixieMember

quote:
Originally posted by electric6:
quote:
I think she would quite happily and willingly go for someone as young as 13 if he was 'fit' enough

Cheeky Pixie, that's a HUGE assumption there, seriously. I'm shocked you just said that

Dunno why you're so shocked though as lots of 13 and 14 year olds are not virgins....I didn't mean to cause anyone any offence. I just think that the woman sounds like she would go for any lad under 16 if the opportunity was there. Sorry if I offended you - or anyone else. I am just airing my thoughts. As i said, lots of kids of 13/14 have lost their virginity and you don't know the woman. So I am not sure why you're so horrified that I said that. Oh well....

6/30/0912:07 PM

LindsxdxMember

I would try to reassure your daughter that it is almost the end of term and there is three long months until 6th form starts. By that time a million and one things will have happened for the rest of her classmates to be bitching and wailing about.

Hopefully her boyfriend and close friends are still standing by her and they are what is important. I know that it will seem like her plans are all over but I would be surprised if she was still getting stick in two weeks, let alone in September. Most of the pupils will know deep down that the woman was in the wrong and she can hold her head up high that she did what was right.

6/30/0912:07 PM

CheekyPixieMember

Bye LSM and pussycat

6/30/0912:08 PM

Little Miss SpursMember

quote:
Originally posted by Supercalifragilistic:
If a male member of staff had done this everyone would be outraged. Why do people often think it's different when it's a woman? It's exactly the same.
You say she was sacked immediately. Do you know if police and social care were involved? They should have been, school should have been following the allegations against staff procedures which necessitates their involvement. The woman has committed offences. The police should probably also be following up on the fact that the woman has children as friends on face book and is saying what she is saying to them/minimising. School, imo, should also be having serious words with the girls who are 'bullying' your daughter, putting them straight and, without going into detail, making it very clear that this woman was sacked for a very good reason.

Im gonna call them tomorrow regarding this. Still cant believe she was so stupid.

6/30/0912:09 PM

PussMember

quote:
Originally posted by Cheeky-Pixie:
Bye LSM and pussycat

ooooh she gonna be mad, goooo

6/30/0912:09 PM

Former Member

quote:
Originally posted by Cheeky-Pixie:
Fair comment, but I know it isn't 'actually' pedophillia coz he is 16, that is why I said 'borderline.' I said that because if he had been 14 or 15, I don't think it would have made any difference to her. Ergo she is a borderline pedophile IMHO. I think she would quite happily and willingly go for someone as young as 13 if he was 'fit' enough. JMHO of course based on what the OP said about her.

Had he been 14 or 15 then it still wouldn't have been paedophilia. The age of consent (currently 16) is arbitrary. A physically mature 14yo could easily look and behave like a 16 or 17yo. Paedophilia is about children, pre-pubescent children, because those children are not sexual beings by definition. Attraction to early to mid teenagers is hebephilia, and mid to late teenagers is ephebophilia. It sounds like a technicality but I think it matters as pre-pubescent children are not sexual beings and it is completely obvious that that is so and therefore there is no defence at all.

6/30/0912:09 PM

BethniMember 10 years

I've read the whole thread and am deeply toubled for you and your daughter.
Can i ask though....why did you and your daughter get involved with the whole thing about reporting it to the school? Has your daughter's B?F no parent's? Why didn't he report it himself?

6/30/0912:10 PM

CheekyPixieMember

quote:
Originally posted by Supercalifragilistic:
If a male member of staff had done this everyone would be outraged. Why do people often think it's different when it's a woman? It's exactly the same.
You say she was sacked immediately. Do you know if police and social care were involved? They should have been, school should have been following the allegations against staff procedures which necessitates their involvement. The woman has committed offences. The police should probably also be following up on the fact that the woman has children as friends on face book and is saying what she is saying to them/minimising. School, imo, should also be having serious words with the girls who are 'bullying' your daughter, putting them straight and, without going into detail, making it very clear that this woman was sacked for a very good reason.

Good post and I agree. And I still stand by what I said, that people like this who go for SCHOOL kids (16 or not) would probably not think twice about going for someone 2 or 3 years younger if the opportunity arose. Still struggling to understand why this was such a shocking thing to say.. it's just my opinion.

6/30/0912:11 PM

Garage JoeMember

quote:
Originally posted by Bethni:
I've read the whole thread and am deeply toubled for you and your daughter.
Can i ask though....why did you and your daughter get involved with the whole thing about reporting it to the school? Has your daughter's B?F no parent's? Why didn't he report it himself?

I was also trying to think of a way of expressing this opinion.

6/30/0912:12 PM

LeccyMember

quote:
Originally posted by Cheeky-Pixie:
quote:
Originally posted by electric6:
quote:
I think she would quite happily and willingly go for someone as young as 13 if he was 'fit' enough

Cheeky Pixie, that's a HUGE assumption there, seriously. I'm shocked you just said that
Dunno why you're so shocked though as lots of 13 and 14 year olds are not virgins....I didn't mean to cause anyone any offence. I just think that the woman sounds like she would go for any lad under 16 if the opportunity was there. Sorry if I offended you - or anyone else. I am just airing my thoughts. As i said, lots of kids of 13/14 have lost their virginity and you don't know the woman. So I am not sure why you're so horrified that I said that. Oh well....

If this woman didn't work in a school (which she did, so obviously that matters massively in this case) she would NOT have done anything illegal.

Whilst I am as disgusted as anyone else at this woman's conduct I don't really think it's a fair leap to say she would easily have gone for an under-age kid.

She was bang out of order, I'm not disputing that, at all, but I don't think it's fair to make the leap that she would be attracted to much younger boys (three years is a LONG time in a teenagers life)

You haven't offended me and I'm not defending her...I just think knee-jerk reactions aren't helpful.

Hope your Auntie has a nice birthday

6/30/0912:12 PM

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