CCM 

Reading that I felt like it could have been me a few months ago. Add to it...anger, frustration, sick to my stomach and it's spot on. I'm not gonna pry into the reasons behind why you feel the way you do but please listen to the good advice given here. I felt so embarrased going to see my doctor (plenty people worse off than me etc) but as soon as I sat down and got the first sentence out I felt like a huge weight being lifted and my doctor was fantastic. Once I'd left it was like she'd opened the flood gates. I talked and talked to my OH and he just listened. It's what I needed and it sounds like you do too. If you've nobody in RL to talk to then the people on here are fantastic at giving at advice or sometimes just a cyber hug.

Take care

Look at it this way Chicken - if you want me to get pseudo psychological on you - when people are unhappy they experience cognitive mis-assessment, misunderstanding and corrupted experience.  Have you never felt so strongly strongly that something was the case one night only to think in the morning, "What was that about?!"  The mind is a powerful and sometimes malevolent thing.

That being said, if you're murdering kittens on a daily basis atm you should probably knock that one on the head. 

Whatever you have done or think or feel you have done, I'm sure you can think of individuals who've done much worse.  Would you condemn them to a life of misery?  Cause if they at least deserve a tiny bit of succour then basic logic dictates you do.

Do it.  Go doctor.  If they are crap, walk out.  Platitudes will not do the deed here.  Do it. 

you can't change the past chicken............but you CAN change the future

Caggers xxxx

Karma 

Chicken, none of us have the first idea what you've done that you consider so terrible and we all seem to be saying much the same thing re talking to someone.What I am beginning to sense however is such a deep sense of shame that no matter what anyone says on here, you just can't bring yourself to talk about it /seek help through family, friends or your  GP. Have you looked into available helplines? Maybe that could be the way forward, where you can talk to someone anonymously about whatever it is that you feel such guilt about?

Brisket is right Chicken... Truly awful people don't worry about what they have done, like you are..... Everyone makes mistakes, and does things they later regret... it's simply means you are just like the rest of us And I am sure that if you could just bring yourself to talk to someone about how you are feeling,  and why , you would see that whatever it is you are worrying about is not nearly as bad as you think

Hi Chicken, you really must see your GP honey. Please remember that it is completely confidential. You cant go on like this can you? No problem cannot be fixed, honest . Take care and please see your doc

im not sure how im feeling now tbh :S its not really depression anymore , although i do feel said , its more anxious and worried and paranoid about everything I do.


does that make any sense?

Chicken, please see your GP , you have to make the first step honey

Yes it does x

Have you withdrawn from your family and friends chicken?

as others have said go to your GP asap you'll be amazed how much better you may feel just talking about things please keep in touch

lainy m : ive withdrawn from them in terms of telling them whats going on. But i still talk to them about other stuff , normal stuff.

im not a very open person and find it hard talking about how im feeling etc. So im not sure I could see my GP

Do you think they will be shocked about what you might tell them? Are you afraid that they wont believe you Chicken?

Chicken, I've got an illness that's going to kill me off in 2 or 3 years. When I was told, I thought, I'll get a lot of booze in, get into my pyjamas and draw the curtains forever. Strange thing was that I got bored with my own company and the booze made me feel worse than I did anyway, so I had to rethink. Depression is a very personal thing and everybody deals with it in their own way. You have everything ahead of you and must (must) grab any chance of making yourself feel better. Take the advice from the lovely people on here, go to the quack, do some physical exercise (get the endorphines going   ), Stop dwelling on what you might have done wrong, we all have regrets, but it's no way to live life and look forward to something, even if it's just a walk in the park or a pint beside the river.

Chicken, sit and write everything down and give the letter to your Doc. Whatever your problem is you wont be judged xx

I am going to have a shot in the dark here, please forgive me if i am wrong....but are you gay Chicken, and you feel its not right? Perhaps your family wouldnt understand?

 Colgne.

Cologne oh no i haven't heard you say that before not sure what to say

Yes Cologne    Was getting my head around that ....thats why i ididnt reply sooner

Cologne im so sorry! dont know what to say 

Skylark... Im not sure , thats one thing im very confused about.

Wow! Well done Chicken! Telling us this is a great step to take! And as you know, we'll all help you if you want to discuss it more.

And dear Cologne.  Your honesty and courage in telling us this is truly inspirational... and I'm not being mawkish about saying that. 'Cos I know that would annoy the hell out of you!  

Ok Chicken...now we are getting somewhere, arent we? 

tbh tho skylark that isn't really whats troubling me , not as much as it did

Cheers everyone  but I did really want to gee on chichen. Let's forget about it. Life is for living.

I am shockproof Chicken and you have lots of friends here...

By the way Chicken you can Pm me if you want, i can give you my email address ...just a thought x

Again, well said... whoever you are! 

So, Chicken, you now know you can spill here whenever and however much you want to. Go for it luvly.  And hats off to Skylark for daring to ask a difficult question.

chicken, get a dog 

All your worries will just fade away then

I have 2 children Xoch , a son 16 and a girl 26 and i wouldnt care one bit if they were gay or lesbian. What i care about is ignorant bullys who would give them shit, for being what they want to be. Life is so short , you have to live it as you want to be xx Or just as you are, i should say

Very good idea. The dog will take over.  Second thoughts, it might not be convenient in student digs.

You don't even have to give your GP full details...just tell them you are feeling depressed/weepy/confused etc and ask to be referred for counselling...I can guarantee whatever you say your Dr they'll have heard before...and you say what you want to the counsellor when you see them

One of them tiny chihuahuas would do tho, no one would ever notice, he could carry it around in his backpack, like whatshername, does in her handbag   

Gel, when I was 32, I had 2 children, 4 cats and 2 dogs. I needed a flat in Tavistock to be able to go to College in Plymouth and I managed to fool my landlord who didn't want any animals for 3 years.

Baz  I'm eating lots of fresh veg and fruit.

Is it something you have done Chicken? Or even something you have not done?
Do you feel you have let somebody down?
(You don't have to say. I'm sorry to probe.)