*LORD... THEY ARE FINALLY TOGETHER*

 Mary got married and had 13 children.

Her first husband,Ted, died of cancer.

She married again, and her & Bob had 7 more children.

Bob was killed in a car accident, 12 years later.

Mary *again*, remarried,.... and this time, her & John

had 5 more children.

 Mary finally died, after having 25 children.

Standing before her coffin, the preacher prayed for her.

He thanked the Lord for this very loving woman and said,

"Lord, they are finally together."

One of Marys' best friends Ethel leaned over and quietly asked her best friend, Margaret:


"Do you think he means her first, second, or third

husband?"

Margaret replied:...."I think he means her legs,

Ethel..." 

A good looking man walked into an agent's office in Hollywood and said,

 "I want to be a movie star." Tall, handsome and, with experience on Broadway,

he had the right credentials.

The agent asked, "What's your name?"

The guy said, "My name is Penis van Lesbian."

The agent said, "Sir, I hate to tell you, but in order to get into

Hollywood, you are going to have to change your name."

"I will NOT change my name! The van Lesbian name is centuries old. I will

not disrespect my grandfather by changing my name. Not ever."

The agent said, "Sir, I have worked in Hollywood for years. You will

NEVER go far in Hollywood with a name like Penis van Lesbian! I'm telling you,

you will HAVE TO change your name, or I will not be able to represent you."

"So be it! I guess we will not do business together," the guy said, and

he left the agent's office.

Five years later the agent opens an envelope sent to his office. Inside

the envelope is a letter and a check for $50,000. The agent is awe-struck.

Who would possibly send him $50,000? He reads the letter enclosed...

"Dear Sir,

Five years ago, I came into your office wanting to become an actor in

Hollywood & you told me I needed to change my name. Determined to make it

with my God-given birth name, I refused. You told me I would never make

it in Hollywood with a name like Penis van Lesbian. After I left your

office, I thought about what you said. I decided you were right. I had to change my

name. I had too much pride to return to your office, so I signed with

another agent. I would never have made it without changing my name, so

the enclosed check is a token of my appreciation. Thank you for your advice.

Sincerely,

Dick van Dyke