*shouts across wall.... * Hey John James....YOU'RE  THE BIGGESt, AND NASTIEST, FAKE IN THE HOUSE!... So suck it up!

I can't type mine Baz or I'll get bopped, but Lee wanted a Feck Orf Airways thread 

I'm lovin' it!!!!

 And I'm buzzin DID

Mint innit, especially if it takes off Saturday morning 

CRAB EYES.

*Dons cabin crew outfit,takes intercom*....Welcome aboard Feck Orf  airlines,we've waited a long time to get you here,may I draw your attention to the fact there is no business class,economy all the way.Beneath your seat you'll find a piddle bottle,toilets are out of order,seat in front of you you'll find a gag,please ensure you fasten it before take off we are not prepared to listen to any more of your bullshine.

Lee I LOVE IT and thank you Dame Anne for starting this....

We'll get a laugh FF,god knows it's long overdue.

Mayday Mayday

I'll have a JJ comfy seat and some champers please, I think a little celebration might be in order Lee ...make it snappy cos I don't give a rip 

Fairfax it gave me great pleasure I can assure you 

are you frowning and moving your eyes shiftily side to side as you say this

*Gets intercom again* ...Ahem Master Parton I'd like to draw your attention to the fact we've had to off load some of your baggage,you were grossly very over-weight in the devious,malicious,unpleasant,calculated,self absorbed,hypocritical and lying departments,staff are at present x-raying your remaining baggage

Velvet I do believe you're a co-pilot,kindly make your way to the cockpit sir.

There's Crab-Eyes on the starboard bow, starboard bow, starboard bow..
Shoot him off, Jim!

I assume I'm on first shift,*Gives Dame her champers*,If Barbie Boy needs a drink you'll find water and straws beside him,make sure the straw fits firmly through his mask.

It's ok that's Monk Dave,he's on the roof on a rack.

Lee can you tell Master Parton to done his Crab Outfit before he fastens his seat belt, I think we're heading for a bit of turbulence 

"Attention, passenger in seat 28A. Any further pressing of the steward-summons button will result in us applying the plastic handcuffs and the entire cabin crew holding you face-down in that blue water in the toilet."

Corin's hen parties just left the two rows in front of Mr Parton's 


  

Passenger Parton stop making those hissing noises are I shall be forced to tighten your mask......Dame I am struggling to remove the Barbie dolls from his hands atm,will the crab suit fit over the strait jacket?

Whoop de dooo... absolutely FABULOUS

I'll second, third and fourth that. 

Pssst Deman,the occupant of 28A is an air marshal,we had to ensure we took all precautions before embarking on this mission  flight.

The is the Captain speaking.... apparently we do not actually stop at Oz, so would passenger JJ! please move into the ejector seat.....!

When all passengers and crew have left the plane we have another little pressy for Mr Parton

LMAO 

˙pɹ**sɐq pǝʎǝ qɐɹɔ noʎ' ɐılɐɹʇsnɐ oʇ ʞɔɐq ɟɟo ʞɔǝɟ

Captain the ejector seat can't be used until later,we've a few days to decide where we're going to use it,all suggestions on a postcard please,keep em clean.

Gawd we've reached the land down under already,that was quick.

Geez I'm dizzy reading that 

It's nothing to do with that madam it's the champers,....Psst you didn't try his meds did you?

 and never touched nufink 

This is the co-pilot speaking:  "I suggest nobody has a crab paste sandwich, as you will probably experience a 30 second turbulence, but at least you'll feel better once you get it up."