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Originally Posted by Karma_:
Originally Posted by Dirtyprettygirlthing:

Job done now though...     I am in a job...  I will have a most recent employer reference now when I decide to move on...    .. 

Good for you missus x A tip if you want to have more referees on your CV in the future, it doesn't have to be your immediate senior or manager from a former company who gives you a reference if you didn't get along, it can be a colleague who worked with you on a regular basis or another senior person who worked with you (even on an occasional basis), too. If you had clients or other companies to deal with as part of your role they, too are brilliant references to have as they showcase your ability to deal with people (if the job you are looking for requires it).

 

 

 

I know...   but tbh there's this grubby feeling of shame I feel about it all.    I KNOW its unfounded..   I KNOW it wasn't my fault..   its kinda intermingled with the then breakdown it all caused (so mental health stigma too).

 

I "disappeared" off the radar from all the people I worked with (no small feat when you consider I worked for the hospital trust & the PCT in my town - my family & I didn't see a doctor for 5 years...  apart from Mr ditty taking the kids to the Walk in Centre twice)....

 

When I finally ahd to see a GP last year when I had the trapped nerve..    I knew she knew of me...  but thankfully she was a good un.    And... she sends all my bloods & my hospital appointments to the trust in the next county. 

 

I know there are people back at the old trusts that would give me glowing references...   but as I said..   I still feel this stupid shame thing!  

Dirtyprettygirlthing
Originally Posted by Dirtyprettygirlthing:
Originally Posted by Karma_:
Originally Posted by Dirtyprettygirlthing:

Job done now though...     I am in a job...  I will have a most recent employer reference now when I decide to move on...    .. 

Good for you missus x A tip if you want to have more referees on your CV in the future, it doesn't have to be your immediate senior or manager from a former company who gives you a reference if you didn't get along, it can be a colleague who worked with you on a regular basis or another senior person who worked with you (even on an occasional basis), too. If you had clients or other companies to deal with as part of your role they, too are brilliant references to have as they showcase your ability to deal with people (if the job you are looking for requires it).

 

 

 

I know...   but tbh there's this grubby feeling of shame I feel about it all.    I KNOW its unfounded..   I KNOW it wasn't my fault..   its kinda intermingled with the then breakdown it all caused (so mental health stigma too).

 

I "disappeared" off the radar from all the people I worked with (no small feat when you consider I worked for the hospital trust & the PCT in my town - my family & I didn't see a doctor for 5 years...  apart from Mr ditty taking the kids to the Walk in Centre twice)....

 

When I finally ahd to see a GP last year when I had the trapped nerve..    I knew she knew of me...  but thankfully she was a good un.    And... she sends all my bloods & my hospital appointments to the trust in the next county. 

 

I know there are people back at the old trusts that would give me glowing references...   but as I said..   I still feel this stupid shame thing!  

No Ditty don't! it's others that pushed you to it remember? 

FM
Originally Posted by suzybean:

Some scary stories here. I was one of three women in an all male environment for 2 years and there was quite a lot of harassment. I played along with all the banter and innuendo but it was soul destroying. Having a kid and deciding to do some more studying was my get-out from there, but I was lucky to be in a position where my husband had started to make some real advances in his career ladder.

Suzy...at last.........my fella is finally taking it seriously. He is actually GOBSMACKED and I daresay ashamed (deeply) at not believing me.

 

CAN U IMAGINE HOW A CHILD MUST FEEL WHO IS BEING ABUSED WHOSE PARENT DONT BELIEVE THEM.......WHAT A HORRID HORRID  THOUGHT......It actually makes me feel guilty for what's going on in my head.....Analyse that!

lainy m
Originally Posted by Dirtyprettygirlthing:

 

I know...   but tbh there's this grubby feeling of shame I feel about it all.    I KNOW its unfounded..   I KNOW it wasn't my fault..   its kinda intermingled with the then breakdown it all caused (so mental health stigma too).

 

I "disappeared" off the radar from all the people I worked with (no small feat when you consider I worked for the hospital trust & the PCT in my town - my family & I didn't see a doctor for 5 years...  apart from Mr ditty taking the kids to the Walk in Centre twice)....

 

When I finally ahd to see a GP last year when I had the trapped nerve..    I knew she knew of me...  but thankfully she was a good un.    And... she sends all my bloods & my hospital appointments to the trust in the next county. 

 

I know there are people back at the old trusts that would give me glowing references...   but as I said..   I still feel this stupid shame thing!  

I know mate x And I think it's cos you never got the justice you deserved from the situation, she was never hauled over the coals for it, so you feel a weakness for walking away. But what you did was right for you at the time and what you need to try and remember is that people like her can only last for so long before it comes back and smacks them in the face. What she did to you will happen to her (if it hasn't already), I'd bet my house on it.

 

Things like this can leave people scarred to the point that the thought of working anywhere else is terrifying, but you're in a better place now in every aspect and you'll surprise yourself at how strong you've become if ever anything like this were to happen again (although hope to God it doesn't) x

Karma_

Some years ago I made a stand against someone who was bullied in the workplace (only after she walked out) - my life became uncomfortable afterwards - I was only really working for the company/social side. I left simply because from a financial perspective I didn't have to work.

 

I'm glad I made a stand because it was horrible seeing someone bullied. Unfortunately because I'm the sort of person who simply doesn't get involved in 'office gossip' I didn't see it earlier. When I did see it - it was too late (for the person concerned).

Soozy Woo
Originally Posted by Karma_:

I know mate x And I think it's cos you never got the justice you deserved from the situation, she was never hauled over the coals for it, so you feel a weakness for walking away. But what you did was right for you at the time and what you need to try and remember is that people like her can only last for so long before it comes back and smacks them in the face. What she did to you will happen to her (if it hasn't already), I'd bet my house on it.

 

Things like this can leave people scarred to the point that the thought of working anywhere else is terrifying, but you're in a better place now in every aspect and you'll surprise yourself at how strong you've become if ever anything like this were to happen again (although hope to God it doesn't) x

yeah...    *nods*   

 

I do believe in karma  (no pun intended )...    and yeah...    to the rest of this as well!

 

onwaaaaards  & upwaaaaaaaaaards!   

 

 

and Feck em all! 

Dirtyprettygirlthing
Originally Posted by Dirtyprettygirlthing:
   but as I said..   I still feel this stupid shame thing!  

I have felt the same, Its because I knew I could do the job standing on my head.....and feel ashamed that I let the stress that another person (most probably propelled by stress as well)  put me under, interfere with my work.....

Syd
Originally Posted by Dirtyprettygirlthing:

I KNOW I shouldn't feel shame...   I KNOw I have nothing to be ashamed of...   honest, I truly know these things.

 

but that doesn't stop the feeling. 

It is a feeling, but you know that you are a capable person...(believe me I am talking myself through this as I type).....you just could'nt work alongside the glory seeking Biatch!   

Syd
Originally Posted by Dirtyprettygirlthing:
Originally Posted by Karma_:

I know mate x And I think it's cos you never got the justice you deserved from the situation, she was never hauled over the coals for it, so you feel a weakness for walking away. But what you did was right for you at the time and what you need to try and remember is that people like her can only last for so long before it comes back and smacks them in the face. What she did to you will happen to her (if it hasn't already), I'd bet my house on it.

 

Things like this can leave people scarred to the point that the thought of working anywhere else is terrifying, but you're in a better place now in every aspect and you'll surprise yourself at how strong you've become if ever anything like this were to happen again (although hope to God it doesn't) x

yeah...    *nods*   

 

I do believe in karma  (no pun intended )...    and yeah...    to the rest of this as well!

 

onwaaaaards  & upwaaaaaaaaaards!   

 

 

and Feck em all! 

Oh yeah..........what goes around.......comes around and all that  

FM
Originally Posted by lainy m:
Originally Posted by Dirtyprettygirlthing:

I KNOW I shouldn't feel shame...   I KNOw I have nothing to be ashamed of...   honest, I truly know these things.

 

but that doesn't stop the feeling. 

ffs i KNOW wot ur feeling D.......DO WE EVER MOVE ON XXXXXXX

I think the only way I can move on...  is to leave it all behind.    Hence why I would rather not go to any of them for references (even the nice people).

 

I begged hubby to move... for us to relocate..   but it really wasn't viable at the time.

 

I am getting there...   I rarely talk about it, and rarely think about it much anymore.   I will talk about it on here... more openly than in real life...   in this instance, because its important for people going through it to know its not just them...  its so bloody common.

 

Dirtyprettygirlthing
Originally Posted by Syd:
Originally Posted by Dirtyprettygirlthing:

I KNOW I shouldn't feel shame...   I KNOw I have nothing to be ashamed of...   honest, I truly know these things.

 

but that doesn't stop the feeling. 

It is a feeling, but you know that you are a capable person...(believe me I am talking myself through this as I type).....you just could'nt work alongside the glory seeking Biatch!   

 

yeah...   couldn't work alongside the glory seeking biatch with a face like a baboons rear end! 

Dirtyprettygirlthing
Originally Posted by lainy m:

come on girls lets embrace our collective mental health stress problems. THERE IS NO SHAME. shame is your interpretationont DONT let stigma and discrimination grip you.

 

IT'S A SHORT TERM CHEMICAL IMBALACE DUDES. WE WILL GET BETTER



I know that...   you know that...    some really high percentage of the population (that you probably know) know that... 

 

but its telling the others!!   

 

 

My hubby witnessed me going through it...      and yet he came home a few months ago slagging off a girl he works with that has had a breakdown...   calling her soft & a skiver!    and then he said "mind you what would i know...  I have had no experience of mental breakdown"

 

I just sat here..... gob falling open...     looking pretty hurt tbh!      I did say "how can you say that, you WIFE has had a breakdown"  and he made some appropriate backtracking noises... 

 

but its that kind of mindset.... 

Dirtyprettygirlthing
Originally Posted by Dirtyprettygirlthing:
Originally Posted by lainy m:
Originally Posted by Dirtyprettygirlthing:

I KNOW I shouldn't feel shame...   I KNOw I have nothing to be ashamed of...   honest, I truly know these things.

 

but that doesn't stop the feeling. 

ffs i KNOW wot ur feeling D.......DO WE EVER MOVE ON XXXXXXX

I think the only way I can move on...  is to leave it all behind.    Hence why I would rather not go to any of them for references (even the nice people).

 

I begged hubby to move... for us to relocate..   but it really wasn't viable at the time.

 

I am getting there...   I rarely talk about it, and rarely think about it much anymore.   I will talk about it on here... more openly than in real life...   in this instance, because its important for people going through it to know its not just them...  its so bloody common.

 

lainy m
Originally Posted by Dirtyprettygirlthing:
Originally Posted by Syd:
Originally Posted by Dirtyprettygirlthing:

I KNOW I shouldn't feel shame...   I KNOw I have nothing to be ashamed of...   honest, I truly know these things.

 

but that doesn't stop the feeling. 

It is a feeling, but you know that you are a capable person...(believe me I am talking myself through this as I type).....you just could'nt work alongside the glory seeking Biatch!   

 

yeah...   couldn't work alongside the glory seeking biatch with a face like a baboons rear end! 

 In my case....A cross between Cruella DeVille and Lulu.....with a sweet smile when trying to influence.......

Syd
Originally Posted by Dirtyprettygirlthing:
Originally Posted by lainy m:

come on girls lets embrace our collective mental health stress problems. THERE IS NO SHAME. shame is your interpretationont DONT let stigma and discrimination grip you.

 

IT'S A SHORT TERM CHEMICAL IMBALACE DUDES. WE WILL GET BETTER



I know that...   you know that...    some really high percentage of the population (that you probably know) know that... 

 

but its telling the others!!   

 

 

My hubby witnessed me going through it...      and yet he came home a few months ago slagging off a girl he works with that has had a breakdown...   calling her soft & a skiver!    and then he said "mind you what would i know...  I have had no experience of mental breakdown"

 

I just sat here..... gob falling open...     looking pretty hurt tbh!      I did say "how can you say that, you WIFE has had a breakdown"  and he made some appropriate backtracking noises... 

 

but its that kind of mindset.... 

Like I said Ditty.......those that haven't been through it...........I guess we have to forgive though. Chin up girl. You're on the mend now 

FM
Originally Posted by Dirtyprettygirlthing:
Originally Posted by lainy m:

come on girls lets embrace our collective mental health stress problems. THERE IS NO SHAME. shame is your interpretationont DONT let stigma and discrimination grip you.

 

IT'S A SHORT TERM CHEMICAL IMBALACE DUDES. WE WILL GET BETTER



I know that...   you know that...    some really high percentage of the population (that you probably know) know that... 

 

but its telling the others!!   

 

 

My hubby witnessed me going through it...      and yet he came home a few months ago slagging off a girl he works with that has had a breakdown...   calling her soft & a skiver!    and then he said "mind you what would i know...  I have had no experience of mental breakdown"

 

I just sat here..... gob falling open...     looking pretty hurt tbh!      I did say "how can you say that, you WIFE has had a breakdown"  and he made some appropriate backtracking noises... 

 

but its that kind of mindset.... 

I know....I know....I believe you 100% hear this......I BELIEVE YOU GODDAMMIT

 

i BELIEVE I Have made a 'connection' this evening. praise ye the lordy

lainy m
Originally Posted by Dirtyprettygirlthing:
Originally Posted by Syd:
Originally Posted by Dirtyprettygirlthing:

I KNOW I shouldn't feel shame...   I KNOw I have nothing to be ashamed of...   honest, I truly know these things.

 

but that doesn't stop the feeling. 

It is a feeling, but you know that you are a capable person...(believe me I am talking myself through this as I type).....you just could'nt work alongside the glory seeking Biatch!   

 

yeah...   couldn't work alongside the glory seeking biatch with a face like a baboons rear end! 

oh yeah...me understandee IMPLICITY....ffs

lainy m
Originally Posted by lainy m:
Originally Posted by Dirtyprettygirlthing:
Originally Posted by Syd:
Originally Posted by Dirtyprettygirlthing:

I KNOW I shouldn't feel shame...   I KNOw I have nothing to be ashamed of...   honest, I truly know these things.

 

but that doesn't stop the feeling. 

It is a feeling, but you know that you are a capable person...(believe me I am talking myself through this as I type).....you just could'nt work alongside the glory seeking Biatch!   

 

yeah...   couldn't work alongside the glory seeking biatch with a face like a baboons rear end! 

oh yeah...me understandee IMPLICITY....ffsajus person. -BEIEV E

lainy m
Yep going through it now. At first I let her annoy me' and would bring it home but now I'm not biting but building up my own 'file'.  My thinking is give her enough Rope and she'll hang herself. Email is a great thing

In all my years here (6) I have never seen so many people off sick.

She doing the whole nicey nicey think at the moment which is worrying as I'm wondering what she has planned next!

Moonbeams
Originally Posted by Moonbeams:
Yep going through it now. At first I let her annoy me' and would bring it home but now I'm not biting but building up my own 'file'.  My thinking is give her enough Rope and she'll hang herself. Email is a great thing
In all my years here (6) I have never seen so many people off sick.
She doing the whole nicey nicey think at the moment which is worrying as I'm wondering what she has planned next!

keep the 'file' going with times,dates, exact conversation, who was there at the time and most importantly how the COW made you feel. Good luck.

lainy m

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