WOLVERHAMPTONHURRICANE APPEAL

A major hurricane (Hurricane Shazza) and earthquake measuring 5.8 on the Richter scale hit Wolverhampton in the early hours of Friday with its epicentre in Bilston. Victims were seen wandering around aimlessly, muttering "ferkinell".
The hurricane decimated the area causing approximately £25 worth of damage. Several priceless collections of mementos from Majorca and the Costa Del Sol were damaged beyond repair. Three areas of historic burnt-out cars were disturbed. Many locals were woken well before their Giros arrived.
105.7 The Wolf FM reported that hundreds of residents were confused and bewildered and were still trying to come to terms with the fact that something interesting had happened in Heath Town .
One resident,Tracy Sharon Smith, a 15-year-old mother of five said "It was such a shock, my little Chardonnay-Mercedes came running into my bedroom crying. My youngest two, Tyler-Morgan and Victoria-Storm slept through it all.
I was still shaking when I was skinning up and watching Trisha the next morning. unsurprisingly looting, mugging and car crime were unaffected and carried on as normal. British Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of Sunny Delight to the area to help the stricken locals. Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have found large quantities of personal belongings, including benefit books, jewellery from Elizabeth Duke at Argos and Bone China
from Poundland.
HOW CAN YOU HELP?

This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing parcels for those unfortunate enough to be caught up in this disaster. Clothing is most sought after- items most needed include Fila or Burberry base ball caps, Kappa tracksuit tops (his and hers), Shell suits (female) white sports socks, Rockport boots or any other items usually sold in Primark. Food parcels are needed too. Required food-stuffs include micro-wave meals, tins of baked beans, ice-cream, cans of Colt 45 or Special-Brew and 22p buys a biro for filling in compensation forms. £2 buys chips, crisps and blue fizzy drinks for a family of 9. £5 buys fags and a lighter to calm the nerves of those affected.


BREAKING NEWS

Rescue workers found a girl in the rubble smothered in raspberry Alco-pop, Where are you bleeding from" they asked. "Willenhall" said the girl "wots that gorra do wiv yow"?

THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION WITH THIS APPEAL.