hopefully she's had some sort of barring order or injunction against him for some time now?

What's today for Renton?  Is it the divorce hearing?

Ppl like him need to jailed and the key thrown away. What a disgusting was to treat someone you profess to love. It beggars belief.
I hope the case goes well for your friend Renton and that animal gets whats coming to him

Hi Renton, OMG how awful!! so glad she found the strength to finally face up to her aggressor, takes a lot of courage.  She is very lucky to have you as a friend.  Good luck to your friend, lets hope they put him away and see what a man he is then.

Today - hopefully - is his conviction for assault, punching her on the nose, covering her in blood.
Barring order in place has, none-the-less, seen him climbing over the garden fence to get in the open back door.
I've often sed, without being dramtic, that he wud kill her one day . . . i believe that was his intention that day.

well, good luck to her today, hopefully he gets what he deserves.

Lol, never mind the last bit I just read your OP again

Thank you everyone
I will let you know how it goes


Anyone else had a similar experince they wud like to share?

 Good Luck Renton hun!

sounds horrific Renton,hope the swine gets put away!

Difficult one isn't it? My SIL seems to go from one abusive relationship to another. She always goes for the "exciting" type. Apparently blokes like me are underachieving boring types. At the next salute we will receive a night time call, "He's broken my nose!" We sort it all out and then it's on to the next one.

Some one I know is going through a similar thing Renton.  But sans the violence, it's all verbal, so there are no marks or bruises.

She can't do anything without his permission, he's systematically separating her from her family (her friends are already gone) and demoralises her in front of their children.  He claims all the money in the household kitty is his and she's given an allowance only.  If she runs out, she has no more money.  Despite the fact that she was a highly successful business woman before being made redundant earlier this year.  She's not allowed wear anything other than the clothes he buys her.  She bought herself a dress for her birthday he told her it looked ridiculous did nothing for her, she had to return it and was told not to do anything like that again, he knows what looks best on her.

Uuggghh I could go on and on about what's been going on.  She finally admitted to it two weeks ago and I thought the family were going to step in.  But now we've been told to just let them get on with it, that it's just a phase.  It's not a phase it will end disasterously, but family politics says we have to stay out of it.

TEMPS - it seems more common than we realise - remaining a personal, hidden issue.But wot you have described sounds very familiar.



For my friends case . . .
This guy has a previous assault on another woman a few yers ago and a string of other petty crime convictions.
He has been arrested numerous times for domestic issues . . . so i'll let you know how things turn out

Renton and Temps, what awful stories.
I hope these poor ladies manage to be free of their tormentors.
People like that are not fit for anything other than bullying.


My sis in law went through something similar to Temp's friend.
Her husband told her what to wear, what to say, even what to think!
He would come home from work and run his finger across every surface, the tops of doors and door frames, and God help her if he found even a speck of dust.
She ran away several times but he always managed to talk her round.
She finally escaped and got an injunction against him. She divorced him eventually.

It always astonishes me how these poor women continue living like this!  I know that is easy for me to say as I'm not in their position and circumstances obviously dictate, but surely you would walk!

But Puss when someone constantly tells you that you are worthless...it grinds a person down!....& very often these women love their men!

Every case is different - and i know it beggars belief why some allow this abuse to go on
For my friends case . . .
She carried a baby full term and it died in child-birth, she was vulnerable and me and her weren't friends at the time so i knew nothing of her situation.
He used this to full advantages and continued to use the "you can't even give me a child" tag for a long time

been in a mentally abusive relationship and tbh i dont even know why i got with him in the first place (rebound is all i can think of) yet alone stay with him. beat my self esteem down so much i couldn't see better for myself, felt like i deserved to be treated like shit cos i was shit...tbh i still feel that way...even though i have much much better now. i left because i was just about due to have a baby and that baby deserved better than to be brought up in that kind of atmosphere. course i've not seen or heard from my ex since then..not in regards to our son anyway. just abusive texts and trying to hurt me, even threatened to throw my son in the river to "see if shit floats". i'm lucky i lived over 100 miles away from him and he is a lazy bastard.

still messed up over it all..but in a happy,understanding relationship now. with a man who would move the earth for me if he could

i hope the ladies (and men) who people know are in abusive relationships get the strength to move on...as they CAN be happy and there ARE good men (and women) out there

DARTH you are not worthless, ok (((hug)))

Renton I hope your mate gets the courts support today.  You only have to read recent press stories to realise that far too many men get away with serial physical and verbal abuse of women.

oh i KNOW that, just dont feel that lol. i dont let it cloud my judgement of how i'm treated anymore though

 Darthhoob...well done for finding the strength & courage to move on!
Glad you have a man that can now treat you properly...as you deserve it just the same as everyone else!..You are not Shit!!!

that's what I thought too, until it happened a little closer to home.  If some one else was posting like this a year ago I would have told them, get the hell out blah blah blah.  But first of all, if some one you love is telling you this stuff, you think it's for your own good.  By the time you figure out it's not I'm sure your head is such a mess, you're not even sure who's right.

Then, and I know this sounds ridiculous, but there's the logistics of it all.  If you leave, where do you go?  You have three children, what do you do with schools etc, nevermind if you end up in a council house in some shit hole.  What do you do?  I'm sure she thinks she's being selfless, putting the lifestyle of the children ahead of everything else.  Maybe she's so beaten down she thinks her own needs aren't important.

Where it ends is my worry.  If she does stay, you read stories in the papers all the time about women who snap?

ta folks

was only with the guy for a year! nearly 8 years ago! that's the kind of effect a person can have on someone. and he didn't beat me (though tried, but i told him i'd bite his cock off in his sleep if he did again , and he was physically very weak compared to me lol).
i dont think people realise that abuse isn't always physical, it's often the mental abuse that hurts a person more. and all abusive relationships have mental abuse.

son was a week old when i got that phonecall. all because i wanted my surname as son's surname and not his...so obviously he wasn't the dad .

I think this is definitely one of those situations where until you have been in that situation or at the very least witnessed it at close quarters you cannot say for sure what you would do.

Sounds like a right diamond

I know you say it continues to effect you, but I hope you learn to let it go.  I think it's astounding the way you can have a world of people telling you positive things about yourself but it's always the negative we hone in on.  Like you say, it may only have happened for a year, but once your self esteem/worth is shaken it's very difficult to get it back.

Only thing you can take from it is that you now know your limits.  What you will or won't put up with in a relationship and I'm sure that's help you form the wonderful relationship you seem to have now.  You don't have to doubt or second guess anything, because you can deal with it straight away and move on.

yeah he was a right catch

wasn't just him that fed me negative throughout my life. my dad did it alot too and i was bullied at school so my self esteem wasn't the best when i met him lol. feel like everyone is thinking bad of you and those that say nice things are just lying.

course i know different now...with regards to the OH anyways he shows that he means it

Good...I'm glad you have security...you deserve it

hope it all goes as it should Ren,

Trouble is these women love the man,it doesn't happen overnight,it's a gradual process of them being worn down until the women think it's their own fault that they are being treated this way and not the man's fault.Soon as the woman is out of the situation it gradually starts to dawn on her that it's his fault not hers.However she needs to stop loving him for her to get anywhere.

Renton. I hope things work out for your friend. She's lucky to have someone like you that has stuck around for her.


 for Hoobs and everyone else who's endured this.


My dad was physically abusive to my mum and he used to sleep with all her 'mates' and then brag about it and laugh at her which knocked her confidence and trust in anyone else. She finally left him and got a happy ever after with my brilliant stepdad.
I've been lucky, I've never had any man try that crap with me.

Stories like Renton's and Temps' make me so angry.
Sadly, there isn't a lot family and friends can do, except keep supporting these poor women and hopefully make them see they really deserve better. It's tragic and frustrating the way some women keep repeating these awful relationships, going from one bastard to the next, because for some reason they think that's what they deserve.

I hope u get the result your friend and you want.

 Unfortunately my friend didn't, after numerous beatings and me having to drive with him on the bonnet of my car trying to smash the windscreen in while I was driving with his kids in the back of the car he got away with a light sentance, my friend did eventually get moved away when he tried to burn her house down and was done for that. But for all the violence she endured it came down to material object to convict rather than Human, as and for victim support, well I believed in our justice system and the courts and VS up until they let her down very badly indeed.

Women don't walk because it's been a slow process to wearing them down, beating them and making their lives a misery.
By the time real sense begins to loom into their thoughts they are too frightened of venturing into the unknown.  Sometimes the 'known' - even if it's unpleasant, is something easier to cope with than the idea of having to start from scratch.  And the wrath that will follow is terrifying.

And if there are children involved, it's worse.  How do you protect them when you've manouvred yourself even more into the firing line by showing defiance?

Sadly, it's too complex to have one straight, easy solution.

And vice versa, of course.  Except you don't read much about that in the papers.

I happens, but it's far less common. Around two women a WEEK are killed by a partner or former partner.

We don't really have a true idea about how much serial physical and verbal abuse happens to men by their females partners.  Afterall, men don't usually talk about it because they're men and it's an admission of weakness in most people's eyes.

UPDATE - UPDATE
Well its been a long day - it took 4hrs of statements and cross-examination but ...
He was convicted of Domestic Violence !!! And charges of £1,000+
He will now have a criminal record
Any further behaviour of this type, witness intimidation or similar will result in further prosecution and possible custodial sentence at Crown Court. 

No restraining order was granted as no evidence of breaching bail conditions was presented (eventhough he DID breach them)


So there you are - a very good result


I'm exhausted . . .where's the Port

Have a large one, you deserve it
Hopefully that'll make the barsteward think twice before causing any more aggro.