I have just copied this from an email, made me snigger so I thought I'd share 
1. A man dashes into the A&E dept. And yells, 'My wife's going to have her baby
'Sorry, had to mow the lawn.'
Submitted by Staff Nurse RN Elaine Fogertyheh, KGH London
Dr.Wouldn't submit his name!
Subject: FW: True stories proving that doctors are human
1. A man dashes into the A&E dept. And yells, 'My wife's going to have her baby
In the taxi.' I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the taxi, lifted the lady's dress
And began to take off her underwear.
Suddenly after protests from the lady I noticed that there were several taxi's,
And I was in the wrong one.
Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald, St. AndrewsHosp.. Glasgow.
2. At the beginning of my shift, I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf
Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald, St. AndrewsHosp.. Glasgow.
2. At the beginning of my shift, I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf
Female patient's anterior chest wall. 'Big breaths,' I instructed.
'Yes, they used to be,'. .. . Replied the patient.
Submitted by Dr. Richard Barnes, St.Thomas's Bath..
3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband
'Yes, they used to be,'. .. . Replied the patient.
Submitted by Dr. Richard Barnes, St.Thomas's Bath..
3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband
Had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later,
I heard her on her mobile phone reporting to the rest of the family that he had
Died of a 'massive internal fart.'
Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg Royal LondonHosp.
4. During a patient's two week follow-up appointment, he told me that he was
Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg Royal LondonHosp.
4. During a patient's two week follow-up appointment, he told me that he was
Having trouble with one of his medications.'Which one ?'. . .. I asked.
'The patch; the Nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now
'The patch; the Nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now
I'm running out of places to put it !'
I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see.
I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see.
Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now, the instructions include
Removal of the old patch before applying a new one.
Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk General.
5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked 'How long
Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk General.
5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked 'How long
Have you been bedridden?' After a look of complete confusion she answered,
'Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband was still alive.'
Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson- Maidenhead Royal Kent
6. I was performing rounds at the hospital one morning and while checking up
Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson- Maidenhead Royal Kent
6. I was performing rounds at the hospital one morning and while checking up
On a man I asked, 'So how was your breakfast this morning?'
'It's very good except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste"
'It's very good except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste"
Bob replied.
I then asked to see the jelly and Bob produced a foil packet labelled 'KY Jelly.'
Submitted by Dr. Leonard J. Brandon. BristolInfirmary.
7. A nurse was on duty in the A&E when a young woman with purple hair styled
I then asked to see the jelly and Bob produced a foil packet labelled 'KY Jelly.'
Submitted by Dr. Leonard J. Brandon. BristolInfirmary.
7. A nurse was on duty in the A&E when a young woman with purple hair styled
Into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing,
Entered. It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was
Scheduled for an immediate operation. When she was completely disrobed on the
Operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green,
And above it there was a tattoo that read, 'Keep off the grass.' Once the surgery
Was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, which said'Sorry, had to mow the lawn.'
Submitted by Staff Nurse RN Elaine Fogertyheh, KGH London
Dr.Wouldn't submit his name!
