If someone hurts or offends me I  pop them into a story that I'm writing and have them meet an unpleasant fate.  Very cathartic, that, I find

   ROFL! Ooh... top tip, Madame 

 

To be serious though - its the opposite of mindfulness - there's a particular meditation called "befriending" - you think of the person that's hurt you and wish them well etc.

Bumping them off [mentally] might be  a better way to go! 

I've heard about this mindfulness thing, Roger and wondered whether it proved helpful to people.  Good to hear that you're benefitting from it

Its good you know  I did it on kindle and audiobook, but there are courses too.

 

 

I saw an advert for these classes on a recent trip to town, Roger.  Is it what used to be called 'Transcendental Meditation' (sp)?

Yes.

 

I'll never forgive one doctor who told me the BCG vaccine injection wouldn't hurt... I SCREAMED THE PLACE DOWN!! 

 

Then I passed out 

It has its origins in that, but its also evolved into something called MBCT [Mindfulness Based Cognitive Therapy]. Its like training the mind not to upset itself - sit back and notice your individual thoughts - and notice how much stress and anguish you constantly put yourself through, for nothing 

 

Mindfulness is like sleep in that it refreshes the brain - but you're awake and focussed.The amount of mental energy wasted by constantly reliving the past, worrying about the future! By focussing on now, just noticing your breathing, even concentrating on what food tastes like, you bring yourself back into the present.

 

Mark William's Finding Peace In a Frantic World is a great 8 week course on kindle/audiobook. Also good are The Dummies Guides to Mindfulness and MBCT - on kindle but with links to meditation mp3s on a linked site. Ruby Wax's Taming The Mind explains all the things she tried over the years, the neurological aspect of why Mindfulness works.

 

 t.m.i.?

 

Ooooo I like that idea  

 

 

Good for you Rosie And I don't think the occasional trip back to the attic hurts .....as long as you remember to close the lid again when you leave I have suffered from anxiety and OCD most of my life so I understand some of where you are coming from  

I am like an elephant - I never forget, I haven't spoken to a close relative for more than 8 years because I can't let go

I forgive but I don't forget 

 Yes family stuff can be the worst 

  

You're safe Rog   

I tend to move on. My daughter has a hate for one person and she feels physically sick when she sees her. It's not worth it, although I have no idea how you can let go if you feel that way. I call myself lucky to be able to shrug things off, my life would be pretty awful if I couldn't.

I tend to get over things quite quickly, sometimes too quickly tbh.
Even as a teen I wouldn't hold grudge... Well only until I'd punched the person... That usually worked
I honestly can't hold a grudge for long, I don't know why.

  Didn't know that Baz - you sound very together.

  

Phew  

Hell yeah

I don't hold grudges in the sense of the word but I can be quite devious when I want to get my own back 

 

I don't get anyone back...they are just gone, finished, end off  I can't be ars&ed with revenge, it's a closed door 

It's only in extreme cases that I need to get my own back 

I tend to agree with the Dame.
Life's too short to waste on those who tresspass against us.

Or at least it is at my age.

Oh yes, but time heals!

nah.. what's the point?    That said, a long time ago, I realised that some people weren't worth trying to keep in your life and I just let those people go.  Life is too short to be bitter (it only hurts you, not the person who p'd you off) and life is too short to waste time on people who don't deserve your love/company/affection/respect. 

If someone has genuinely hurt me then they are dead to me.

 

If they would deliberately set out to hurt me then what kind of friend were they anyway?

 

It's no loss in the end

Like your style Sprout 

 

If you're going to take revenge, do it properly 

I used to work with a nasty shit in my last firm but one that I detested so much that I would happily spit on his grave, to this day. 

  I also like your style 

With hubby and my sons, I forgive and forget very quickly. My youngest tells me I'm rubbish at holding a grudge or staying in the huff.

With outsiders, if they hurt my family, they are gone! Like Dame, I don't do revenge, I just cut them off.

Exaxtly what kaffs saiid.

And I'm too lazy to hold a grudge. It takes up too much time and energy for my liking.  My sister holds grudges and it honestly makes her physically and mentally sick and I hate seeing that.  I wish I could change that for her.

Best way to be, Ells xx  

Ell, just lurrrve you avi