Feeling any better ? 

I'd be plotting her murder.

 

And know what....I could pull it off

 

Forget her Col - you've done your bit - now let it fade out  

 

Life is too short - and I hope your arms better and you're able to get out now  

Thank you all.

 

I think velvet comes closest because I've cherished this relationship for over 30 years with lots of misgivings, but lots of fun and gains, giving and taking. No more though.

 

Awww Cologne I hope you feel a bit better now...

thanks lovely Baz. Not quite yet. I can't seem to shake it off. She has been in my life more than not, if you get that. Do I?

Awwwwwww - Cologne that's awful for you. Sometimes when we meet up with friends we haven't seen for ages we expect to pick up - often it's just not the same. We all change and can go in quite different directions - I guess we become less tolerant too. It's sad really but it happens. She sounds incredibly tactless and I think you have every right to be angry.

 

I hope getting it off your chest here has helped 

Keep it long distance  

That sounds like the best option - that way you don't have to cut any ties, but you don't have to tolerate behaviour you're not comfortable with ,

I agree with Skiniwitch Cologne.....

Sounds like a rotten friend IMO, I know ditching them after 30 years isn't easy though so thank goodness you don't live too close! I hope you feeling better for sounding off

The fact that she cried shows she's not totally insensitive even though her behaviour while with you seems like she can be. She's possibly feeling bad - or regretful - about the situation now as it's been a long term friendship for both of you with lots of memories to recall. Emotions are strong at the moment on both sides, hopefully the friendship isn't totally dead, unless you want it to be of course.

Aww, what a shame. 

 

Don't throw the baby out with the bathwater. She's sounds very annoying, but she made the effort to travel down to stay with you and obviously thought she was being helpful, blurting out such stuff to your daughter.

 

Maybe write her a letter, or email, and explain your feelings calmly?

^^ better than i could have put it.

 

I'm hoping your daughter is ok! Hoping she understands the context of the convo and how tactless your old mate has been with this. As long as  your daughter is ok nothing is lost and alot is gained (ie you know how much to tell your friend and how much to hold back )

 

Hope you and daughter are ok with it all as that's the main thin xx

 !  ! 

good point.. it's one helluva train journey !

yeah, people change and when you are not well things seem bigger than they are, best advice on here was keep it long distance.. hope you feel better soon 

So much good advice in this thread for you Cologne.  My only thought is to have a friendship that lasts as long as this one says maybe its worth saving ~ after a cooling off period.  Not true wisdom I know, but I'll send you huge hugs instead. 

It can't be nice for you just now Cologne. It was good of your friend to come visit you. After 30 years of friendship it probably came as a bit of a shock to her that she annoyed you so much. Not surprising she got upset. She was out of order with your daughter but was it really malicious or just a slip of the tongue? Maybe let it cool for a few days, send her a text saying you'll be in touch soon but don't throw away 30 years without talking about it calmly. 

Whoops ... Sorry Slinkiwitch

 

quote: yeah, people change

 

I think it's probably fair to say people do change over the years. If you haven't seen this friend in person for quite some time, both of you may have changed. It's something I've noticed over the years with friends who I am reasonably often in contact with. Don't beat yourself up Col. You are obviously not feeling in the best of health and she sounds a little bit of a nightmare tbh.

 

Long distance deffo the way forward

I REALLY don't wanna sound like a complete grouch but I agree with the first part of this post. From the sound of Col's post it's not her friend who's changed it's Col. That's not her friends fault. Illness does strange things to people and one of those things is irritability. I'm pregnant and there are things I normally turn a blind eye to that bug the hell out of me just now. I reign it in though coz I know it's not their fault. If I do have an outburst I always apologise and yeah I blame it on the hormones but I realise if I didn't say it before then it couldn't have really annoyed me that much. She's probably feeling like crap because she'd not done anything differently than she always has done. By all means let her know how you feel but you have to give her a chance. Put the boot on the other foot and imagine how you'd feel if you all of a sudden had a friend break contact after 30 years for something that could have been talked through and probably resolved. 

 

She had no right to say anything to your daughter but if she is now how she's always been then maybe saying things to her about it in the first place was a bad idea. Making her suffer for it because she blurted something  out has to fall on both of your shoulders. 

 

I'm sorry that sounds a bit harsh but I don't want you to lose a friendship if it can be saved 

Col never say never,there's some good advice in this thread,I hope you manage to salvage something from your friendship .

If it's any consolation....... After four years of ignoring our neighbour's continuing criminal damage against our house, car, and gardens, never complaining, or calling the police, environmental health, or asbo neighbour bobbies, this afternoon I finally calmly mentioned it. His latest wheeze was to spray weed killer all over our lawn and edges. I could have ignored it but my 2yo grandson wants to play in that garden. Reader, he exploded, called me all the names under the sun, threatened me with the police and solicitors, and threatened me. Apparently he now has cancer and is having chemotherapy. Part of me felt a little guilty, however I'm pretty sure that most people in this situation don't commit criminal acts. I know my dad didn't.

It's a bummer Joe.

 

We go about our lives peacefully and there's always some idiot to piss on our parade.

 

Oh no GJ And you are right Velvet ....

Cologne, she's your life long mate and she's got medical problems too, just like you.  She was wrong to say what she said to your daughter (bloody idiotic, unthinking and stupid in fact).  Sort out your complaint over your daughter with her and ignore the rest.

 

We all have off days.  And some have rotten off days when they're struggling with ills and ailments.  Make your peace.  Forget her insensitive ways.  Keep in touch and enjoy the friendship on the level YOU want to enjoy it.

 

Garage Joe:  Don't feel guilty.  4 years is a long time to be an unwell @rse.

It must be hell to have awful neighbours - we had a loony old lady once but generally our neighbours have been brilliant and we've stayed friends.

Oooh, turf wars! 

 

Oh I'm sorry for using Frau Koeln's thread. I felt a little bit in the same place. Some of us try to lead a peaceful inoffensive life and yet IMO undeservedly end up in a stressful situation.

Don't stand anymore nonsense, Joe;  he's had more than enough rope.

Joe, nothing for you to feel guilty about. Pretty patient and tolerant of you not to have mentioned anything to him before.Illness or not, he sounds like a right git , and one that's lucky he's not on the receiving end of visits from the cops and lawyers letters ! Hope he didn't rattle you too much .

I think I have to call her despite all my reserves. Thanks everyone. I'm hither and tither to be honest. My default is that I miss talking to her, but I've seen her for what she has always been this holiday. I remember when Britain defended the Falklands, I complained about it and called Thatcher an opportunist. My mate said that I was a foreigner in this country and had no right to an opinion. I kept my tongue since then.

PS. That's what you get for not reading all of it. GJ, no problem. Use my thread all you like. I'm still holding out for that journey round Germany.

My next trip will be for the October celebrations in H. Always a wonderful fair and football. The natives always give a hearty welcome and are interested in any views.

Theres a saying... 'Want to know me? Come live with me' and it's sooo true! Maybe iron out he huge creases in your friendship with her and as others have said keep it long distance..... that way you wont hear her munching and she wont have contact with your close family to put her foot in it

Aww Cologne, sounds like your friend's stay was more of an ordeal than a pleasure. It's hard to be tolerant of loved ones when they themselves aren't respectful, tolerant and are tactless as well!

Hope you feel better soon, and don't apologise for having a rant, we all need one now and then