quote:

Originally posted by ~~KaffyBaffy~~:
Oh dear. I'm rubbish at returning calls and stuff.. but if I'm honest, I'd say in this case let it go. Put it this way - if it was a bloke, the phrase would seem to be 'he's just not that into you' No offence meant, cheeky, I count you as FM mate, but some things aren't worth expending your energy on. Who knows, maybe she will call you if you don't get in touch?

quote:

Originally posted by Cagney:
People drift apart. Maybe you both feel obliged to keep in contact because you parted on bad terms all those years ago and are a lot more mature now. You've coped without her for years so I'd stop contacting her....put the ball in her court. If she gets in contact...great. If she doesn't...well at least you know where you stand.

Friendships/relationships only work if both people are willing to put in the same effort

quote:

Originally posted by JasmineJ:
Maybe she would call you first if given the chance? You obviously value her friendship so you have to ask yourself what would be more hurtful for YOU, the possibility of not seeing her anymore or just accepting she’s not reliable and maintaining the friendship as it is now. There is a giver and a taker in most relationships, so give her a chance to get in touch and don’t fret over it too much - don't count the days/weeks since she called, quality is better than quantity?
Sorry if this sounds harsh but you don’t want to appear too needy or too expectant, otherwise seeing you WILL become a ‘duty’ to be fulfilled rather than a fun and relaxed meet up.

quote:

Originally posted by JasmineJ:
Maybe she would call you first if given the chance? You obviously value her friendship so you have to ask yourself what would be more hurtful for YOU, the possibility of not seeing her anymore or just accepting she’s not reliable and maintaining the friendship as it is now. There is a giver and a taker in most relationships, so give her a chance to get in touch and don’t fret over it too much - don't count the days/weeks since she called, quality is better than quantity?
Sorry if this sounds harsh but you don’t want to appear too needy or too expectant, otherwise seeing you WILL become a ‘duty’ to be fulfilled rather than a fun and relaxed meet up.

quote:

Originally posted by Cheeky-Pixie:

quote:

Originally posted by JasmineJ:
Maybe she would call you first if given the chance? You obviously value her friendship so you have to ask yourself what would be more hurtful for YOU, the possibility of not seeing her anymore or just accepting she’s not reliable and maintaining the friendship as it is now. There is a giver and a taker in most relationships, so give her a chance to get in touch and don’t fret over it too much - don't count the days/weeks since she called, quality is better than quantity?
Sorry if this sounds harsh but you don’t want to appear too needy or too expectant, otherwise seeing you WILL become a ‘duty’ to be fulfilled rather than a fun and relaxed meet up.

Thanks so much Jasmine... Again, I am not offended, and I can see how I could come across as a bit needy and desperate. It's just that I am worried if *I* don't get in touch, I will lose her as a friend....and in many other ways, she is great... I am quite an insecure person too, and assume if someone does not return calls/messages, that I must have upset them, and they are mad with me.

I have a couple of other pals - one who lives in my neighbouring street, about 2 minutes walk away, who I see socially about once a month, when we go swimming together with our daughters, and one who I have regular email contact with and see about 3 times a year.. The second one who lives 40-50 miles away, emails me sometimes out of the blue, unlike my pal who I am on about in this thread, and if I email her, she always responds within 1-2 days.

And the girl in my neighbouring street is quite OK too, and it's easy to keep contact because we live 40 yards apart... Not in each other's pockets, and we go a week without seeing each other sometimes, but she is closeby, so we 'see each other' to arrange stuff. But this other pal is just awful for not returning my calls and not getting in touch... maybe I 'should' just 'not contact her' again, and see what happens...

quote:

Originally posted by JasmineJ:Just different types of people with different approaches to friendship eh, you’re not overly needy – you’ve great relations with your other mates so it’s not that you’re doing anything wrong. The opposite in fact, you’re obviously a very loyal friend.
Don’t beat yourself up over letting her down, I bet she understood why you cancelled and hasn’t dwelled on it at all. Hopefully you’ll remain friends.

quote:

Originally posted by JasmineJ:
Maybe she would call you first if given the chance? You obviously value her friendship so you have to ask yourself what would be more hurtful for YOU, the possibility of not seeing her anymore or just accepting she’s not reliable and maintaining the friendship as it is now. There is a giver and a taker in most relationships, so give her a chance to get in touch and don’t fret over it too much - don't count the days/weeks since she called, quality is better than quantity?
Sorry if this sounds harsh but you don’t want to appear too needy or too expectant, otherwise seeing you WILL become a ‘duty’ to be fulfilled rather than a fun and relaxed meet up.

quote:

Originally posted by sunny dayz:
Well i went through this with one of smy friends one time, I would text her and say i have left you numerous messages, voice mails your obviously busy so ill leave you to call me.

Sounds like CP that you are doing all the work, see it as its her loss and i wouldnt make anymore effort personally and leave her to make the contact. If she doesnt then it cant be you chasing her all the time.

Good luck, hope it all works out.

quote:

Originally posted by Cheeky-Pixie:
Sorry this is so trivial.

I have a pal who is a pretty good mate and I have known her since childhood (we are both in our early 40s; ) We fell out in our mid 20s and became pals again at the age 0f 40 (2 years ago...) She was a pretty unreliable friend half the time when we were teens, then she was OK for about 5 years from 17-22, then she became a very flaky friend again through our mid 20s.. always letting me down...

Anyway, we fell out at about 25, and didnt make up til we were 40, when we bumped into each other in town one day...

In the two years I have known her again, I have met her about every 6 weeks or so, for coffee or a pub lunch etc, and she has been good to be with, and a good laugh. When we says 'bye bye, let's do this again in 5 or 6 weeks,' she says 'speak to you soon... either you call me or text me or I'll call or text you.... But she never ever ever calls me... I called or texted her for the next meeting the first few times, but she has never done it to me. It's ALWAYS me.

A couple of times I have waited and waited, til it has been 8 weeks since we last met, and she just doesn't call or text. So I end up texting or phoning her. She is pleasant and chatty and we arrange a date to meet, and she turns up OK and we have a good time.

But this one thing is sooooo niggling me. Especially because the last 4 or 5 times - I have texted her, and she hasn't replied, and so I text her again 2 days after (asking if she has got the text message,) and then she still doesn't reply, so I phone her, and leave a voicemail message, and STILL get no response.

It's sometimes a week after my first message before she responds. But most of the time, I have to keep texting and phoning before I get hold of her... as she just rarely contacts me back.

The week before last, I texted twice in 5 days and then eventually phoned her at home, coz she never responded, and I left a message with her daughter. She still didn't phone, so I rang AGAIN, two days later, and finally got her...

Then we arranged to meet last thursday, and I was up all night with a tummy bug, and rang her at 8,15am the day we were meant to meet at 11am, to re-arrange. (I hated having to re-arrange, but I was very poorly... and she has re-arranged several times, so I am sure she didn;t mind...) Well she said she had to look at her shifts for the following week (this week) and she would get back to me 'over the weekend,' and let me know which day she could meet (this week ...)

Well it's Monday evening, and still nothing.... I texted her yesterday afternoon to say 'hi, are you still ok to meet this week?' No response. So I rang her mobile this morning. Voicemail. I just said 'hi, just checking to see if you still wanna meet for a coffee this week.' It's now 8pm; still no response.

SO what should I do. I'm getting fed up of 'chasing her...' She always turns up and has only cancelled two or three times, and has let me know the day before one time, and the morning of the day we were due to meet on the other time, and she buys nice gifts and always sends greetings cards to my family, and we chat for ages and have lots in common... but this is really grating on me. She is USELESS at contacting me; even when I contact HER 3 or 4 times.

Her usual excuse if 'I ran out of phone credit...' But this happens almost EVERY time I text or ring her... And furthermore, she has a landline, so she could 'phone me back..'

Has anyone got any advice for me? What should I do about this? And what should I do about the fact she hasn't rung with a day to meet this week as promised. I have contacted her twice over the weekend about it. I feel like I am being a nusiance by constantly texting and phoning, but it's only because she never returns my bloody voicemail calls or texts!

Sorry about this petty problem, but I am just not sure what to do...

I just wonder if I did not contact her at all, after we have left each other after having a coffe; whether I would see her or hear from her again. Could this all be because she can't be arsed with me anymore? Or is it just an annoying trait she has, that I have to tolerate??? I just don't know..........But I don't think I wanna tolerate it much longer.....

Thanks for reading this; that's if you got to the bottom without falling asleep

quote:

Originally posted by EDWARDIAN LIL:
i speak from experience - i had a good chum school friends but we lost touch mainly because she had 'the green bug'

yes dear friends she envied the fact that i was edwardian and she wasn't

being a wonderfully modest and delightful charming person - i decided to take up her invitation to pop over to her new home

an invitation arrived out of the blue -

i quickly realised that the same 'green issue' was still there - all these years later it was still there - obviously lying dormant

very disappointing

'oh we must do this again' she quipped

lil thinking whilst waving;

yes dear friend that i have nothing in common with - perhaps in another life - and even at that - i would have to be desperate

lesson being;

life is too short to waste on bores cads and wastrels THEY ARE THIEVES and they are STEALING YOUR TIME

BE GONE WITH THEM!

luv
lilly lou

quote:

Originally posted by RENTON:
Friends are odd
After saying she wasn;t socilaising i found my frend had been with our mutual frends and not telling me - cue big argument

Today ... she is refusing to move from a horrible place of work unless i go with her !!!!

quote:

Originally posted by EDWARDIAN LIL:
auntie lil replies -

in my experience as an edwardian and having lived a long time - i have a simple answer

EXIT STAGE RIGHT

a leopard rarely changes it's spots

i suggest you value YOUR company more dearly and find some chums that appreciate you

ignore this person and delete her number

problem solved

quote:

Originally posted by sunny dayz:
yeah definately dont make anymore effort now. Wait for her to get in touch.

if it was me though i probably would send that last text as she will be expecting you to get in touch otherwise, if you have stated you wont make anymore contact as you guess she's busy or something like that then she will know you wont be. Let us know how you get on with her.