Will get to my point but first some background...
So I broke up with someone for whom I had fallen very deeply, I was destroyed and could not function, months up the road I still can't get over her.
Before the above mentioned relationship was one that lasted 13yrs,
So to my point....
In my 13 yr relationship, nor those before social networking sites did not feature, in my last one it did. A new experience for me.
Not a good one.
In the relationship it seems quite good, you can link to each others pages, state that you're in a relationship with each other, you can each upload photos, write on each others wall and... well... you get the idea.
However what I never saw coming was the effect of all this when the relationship ended.
A window to her world is just a click away, the status changes, the photos disapear, comments made, and.... then you get to learn there's someone new, which alongside some hurtful comments is where I'm at now.
No doubt I get to look forward to seeing pics of the new person in her life and to read her comments about how wonderful a time she is having with him etc.
In previous relationships, there was a degree of blissful ignorance, it hurt of course but the details (or the ones she chooses to share) of the other persons life is a click away.
I know I just shouldn't look but I can't help myself and it hurts, keeps it raw.
I must make more of an effort and... in the end I'll survive but....
It's been a revelation and in itself makes me seriously consider whether I ever want another serious romantic relationship.
Ohh... and just to add... I was dumped online too by this person, something which I'd asked her not to do should it end, that was a new experience too.
If I'm not on for a while I might just have thrown my 'puter out the window 
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I'm so sorry! I think anyone over the age of 20 can relate to how much a difference their life has become with the evolution of the internet and most specifically Facebook. Not in a good or bad way, just a different way.
My advice is to delete and block her. Then you won't be able to torture yourself. It will be hard and you will be tempted to re-add everyday, but you won't know what she is doing every minute of the day and it will help you to move on.
My advice is to delete and block her. Then you won't be able to torture yourself. It will be hard and you will be tempted to re-add everyday, but you won't know what she is doing every minute of the day and it will help you to move on.
Your opening post is very moving, Comrade. It's sad to see how badly all this is affecting you. But there really is only one solution to controlling the pain levels, isn't there? You must delete her.
One thing occurred to me - why hasn't she deleted and/or blocked you? She must surely be aware of how deeply you feel about her, and, under the circumstances, it seems to me to be quite cruel of her to continue allowing you 'net access into her world. Does she enjoy knowing that she's tormenting you? Don't allow her the power to do that - delete her.
One thing occurred to me - why hasn't she deleted and/or blocked you? She must surely be aware of how deeply you feel about her, and, under the circumstances, it seems to me to be quite cruel of her to continue allowing you 'net access into her world. Does she enjoy knowing that she's tormenting you? Don't allow her the power to do that - delete her.
Comrade
sorry you are hurting but for her to dump you online it does say a lot about her and not in a good way, I agree with Suzi for your own sanity it would be best to delete and block her..I hope you will be okay
sorry you are hurting but for her to dump you online it does say a lot about her and not in a good way, I agree with Suzi for your own sanity it would be best to delete and block her..I hope you will be okay
I'm so sorry Comrade - I agree with the others you have to delete her!
I was thinking the other day about this in term of relationships. In "my day" my only contact with a boy was my Mum's home phone or a letter! i've noticed young people where I work are constantly splitting up then getting back together. I'm sure this is in some part due to texting, msn etc. It's so easy to send a quick text without having to actually "speak" - or even a drunken text that starts things off again!
I was thinking the other day about this in term of relationships. In "my day" my only contact with a boy was my Mum's home phone or a letter! i've noticed young people where I work are constantly splitting up then getting back together. I'm sure this is in some part due to texting, msn etc. It's so easy to send a quick text without having to actually "speak" - or even a drunken text that starts things off again!
Anyone managing an electronic relationship is right at the cutting edge. No rules, no tradition, and fraught with danger!
Comrade... You need to use the Block function. That is what it is there for. The block function & a some self control (to stop yourself going off on a cyber stalk that you know will end in you seeing or reading something you didn't want to).
For me its one of the other advantages of dating in the age of social networks... relationship ends... block them! Job done!
Oh &... sorry you're feeling gutted... but this was the first relationship after you were floored by the ending of your longterm relationship? So .... this was the rebound one... its always messy! Its the training relationship if you like. The next time it will be better... you will be better.
Good on you for getting out there & getting on with it.
It will all be ok in the end (honest! I've been were you are... had these experiences... but am 7 years married now... to a bloke I met on the internet... but funnily enough I had categorised as a "Friend" and nothing more for 3 years before I agreed to meet him)
For me its one of the other advantages of dating in the age of social networks... relationship ends... block them! Job done!
Oh &... sorry you're feeling gutted... but this was the first relationship after you were floored by the ending of your longterm relationship? So .... this was the rebound one... its always messy! Its the training relationship if you like. The next time it will be better... you will be better.
Good on you for getting out there & getting on with it.
It will all be ok in the end (honest! I've been were you are... had these experiences... but am 7 years married now... to a bloke I met on the internet... but funnily enough I had categorised as a "Friend" and nothing more for 3 years before I agreed to meet him)
What Ditty said!
( I know that looks like a lazy answer but was halfway through writing a post .. Ditty said it all though! )
Sorry Comrade don't destroy the puter just delete and block so that you can't keep looking. Modern relationship breakups hang around forever because of social networking.
don't destroy the puter just delete and block so that you can't keep looking. Modern relationship breakups hang around forever because of social networking.
Hey Comrade, lovely to see you here but sorry that you're having such a hard time 
Don't really have any practical advice other than the delete/block stuff which is easier said than done - sorry - but it will get better in time and you will be stronger and wiser for this experience.
Feel brighter soon xxx
Don't really have any practical advice other than the delete/block stuff which is easier said than done - sorry - but it will get better in time and you will be stronger and wiser for this experience.
Feel brighter soon xxx
Comrade
I can only reiterate what others have said - block her.
I realise it will be difficult for you to do. The temptation to find out what she`s doing must be enormous but you must try to find the strength, from somewhere, to do it, otherwise you`ll never heal.
Think of you and the pain you`re going through. You don`t want that to continue. From what I`ve read from you over the last months, it`s ruining your life Comrade. Please be strong for you and make the move that could be the beginning of your road to recovery.
I wish you well my friend.
I can only reiterate what others have said - block her.
I realise it will be difficult for you to do. The temptation to find out what she`s doing must be enormous but you must try to find the strength, from somewhere, to do it, otherwise you`ll never heal.
Think of you and the pain you`re going through. You don`t want that to continue. From what I`ve read from you over the last months, it`s ruining your life Comrade. Please be strong for you and make the move that could be the beginning of your road to recovery.
I wish you well my friend.
Your post has made me so sad CO. My daughters eleven year relationship ended on New Years Day last year. He left her and she was devastated. She has since met someone else - and she has done the same - deleted all old photos and posts new ones with her new partner with regular updates.
Her old BF isn't an FB member but I know he's seen all the new stuff. I know that she'd post it anyway but I'm sure she hopes that it'll get to her ex as well. She was hurt so very, very badly and I do understand what you're saying these social networking sites make it so public.
I really and truly sympathise - I so hope things get better for you soon
Her old BF isn't an FB member but I know he's seen all the new stuff. I know that she'd post it anyway but I'm sure she hopes that it'll get to her ex as well. She was hurt so very, very badly and I do understand what you're saying these social networking sites make it so public.
I really and truly sympathise - I so hope things get better for you soon
Welcome back CO, where have you been?
Well you've pulled at least twice.
Get yourself out there and make it three in 2011 - and do your homework.
Tell yourself in no uncertain fashion that her hold on you is over.
And erase her.
Bitch.
Get yourself out there and make it three in 2011 - and do your homework.
Tell yourself in no uncertain fashion that her hold on you is over.
And erase her.
Bitch.
OMG you poor soul. Everything everyone said is right through. delete her. Block her. I am guessing that you maybe aren't on each others' 'friends' lists actually, but you're looking at her anyway out of sheer morbid curiosity. She has her profile open I presume? Nosing at someone's profile who you are not friends/partners with anymore is a wrong thing to do and a bit dangerous as you often see things you don't want to see. But we have ALL done it.
It's very very tempting to have a nose, but she will probably guess you are looking and that is why she is putting all the smoochy comments and pics of her the new fella and suchlike. And that is why she is doing it. To let you know she is with someone else now... and trying to make out she is happy with him! Very childish and petty.
If you BLOCK her, and you can't see her (and she can't see you,) she will realise eventually that you're not seeing her either and will be miffed because you aren't seeing what she want you to see.. I know she is your ex and I don't mean to offend you but she sounds quite heartless, dumping you online. I know there are two sides to every story, but that is truly a cowardly nasty way to do it.
What's more, the smoochy facebook comments that people put makes me want to throw up. It makes me barf, when I see a profile message saying 'My luvvly Daniel! I wub U soooooo much, MWWWAHHH!!!; and other sickly comments like that from people who think that the whole world gives a shit about them and their relationship! Me and my OH have been together many years and I don't need to tell anyone or let anyone know or reaffirm it to anyone. We don't do PDAs and I certainly don't need to put naff little messages on a social networking site to let people know how much in LURVE we are! What's more, I ditched facebook 6 months ago after realising how pointless it was and how I really didn't need it in my life.
Everything everyone said is right through. delete her. Block her. I am guessing that you maybe aren't on each others' 'friends' lists actually, but you're looking at her anyway out of sheer morbid curiosity. She has her profile open I presume? Nosing at someone's profile who you are not friends/partners with anymore is a wrong thing to do and a bit dangerous as you often see things you don't want to see. But we have ALL done it. It's very very tempting to have a nose, but she will probably guess you are looking and that is why she is putting all the smoochy comments and pics of her the new fella and suchlike. And that is why she is doing it. To let you know she is with someone else now... and trying to make out she is happy with him! Very childish and petty.
If you BLOCK her, and you can't see her (and she can't see you,) she will realise eventually that you're not seeing her either and will be miffed because you aren't seeing what she want you to see.. I know she is your ex and I don't mean to offend you but she sounds quite heartless, dumping you online. I know there are two sides to every story, but that is truly a cowardly nasty way to do it.
What's more, the smoochy facebook comments that people put makes me want to throw up. It makes me barf, when I see a profile message saying 'My luvvly Daniel! I wub U soooooo much, MWWWAHHH!!!; and other sickly comments like that from people who think that the whole world gives a shit about them and their relationship! Me and my OH have been together many years and I don't need to tell anyone or let anyone know or reaffirm it to anyone. We don't do PDAs and I certainly don't need to put naff little messages on a social networking site to let people know how much in LURVE we are! What's more, I ditched facebook 6 months ago after realising how pointless it was and how I really didn't need it in my life.
You have to delete her, and use this place to vent if you need to. I hope you feel better about things really soon.
I hope you feel better about things really soon.Reference: zazz
You have to delete her, and use this place to vent if you need to.
Simply said but wise words zazz.
Am I reading it right, did she break up with you online after a 13 year long relationship?! How rude! Breaking up by phone is bad, text is rotten, but online 
Like everyone else said, delete, block and move on.
Like everyone else said, delete, block and move on.
Thank you all for your replies.
My situation re: blocking her is a bit more complicated, she is on facebook but also many others including sites of her own.
I know someone with a better understanding of computers than I though who I have asked to block access to those sites from my machine, I don't know how it is done and want to remain ignorant as I don't want to know how to undo the proccess, I will leave the room as it's being done.
It's a quick fix and not ideal perhaps but I need a holiday from the pain, time in which I hope I can reach a point where she cannot hurt me quite so badly, quite so easily.
But yes, I just didn't realise until now (or at least had no first hand experience of) how much affairs of the heart had changed due to technology and not imo for better.
My situation re: blocking her is a bit more complicated, she is on facebook but also many others including sites of her own.
I know someone with a better understanding of computers than I though who I have asked to block access to those sites from my machine, I don't know how it is done and want to remain ignorant as I don't want to know how to undo the proccess, I will leave the room as it's being done.
It's a quick fix and not ideal perhaps but I need a holiday from the pain, time in which I hope I can reach a point where she cannot hurt me quite so badly, quite so easily.
But yes, I just didn't realise until now (or at least had no first hand experience of) how much affairs of the heart had changed due to technology and not imo for better.
"Before the above mentioned relationship was one that lasted 13yrs"
@ temps
Sorry, no.. it was the person I was seeing following the 13yr relationship that ended it online.
Sorry, no.. it was the person I was seeing following the 13yr relationship that ended it online.
ah okay sorry. It's a rotten thing for her to do either way.
I suppose, going by your last post, relationships work the same way in the cyberworld as they do in the real world...it's just that it's all written down for you to see. So instead of the ex b*tching about you to her mates behind your back and you being none the wiser, you're seeing it all. So it stops you from moving on.
A mate of mine broke up with her boyfriend before FB really took off and the stuff we said about him wasn't worth saying (he cheated on her), but when FB became popular she searched for him and could see the piccies of him with the new girl and all their happy lovey dovey posts. Like you say it was keeping it all raw. I understand that you don't want to isolate yourself by removing yourself from all the cyber circles, but you have to balance that against what's going to help you move on and getting through how crap it feels now. You're just torturing yourself xxx
I suppose, going by your last post, relationships work the same way in the cyberworld as they do in the real world...it's just that it's all written down for you to see. So instead of the ex b*tching about you to her mates behind your back and you being none the wiser, you're seeing it all. So it stops you from moving on.
A mate of mine broke up with her boyfriend before FB really took off and the stuff we said about him wasn't worth saying (he cheated on her), but when FB became popular she searched for him and could see the piccies of him with the new girl and all their happy lovey dovey posts. Like you say it was keeping it all raw. I understand that you don't want to isolate yourself by removing yourself from all the cyber circles, but you have to balance that against what's going to help you move on and getting through how crap it feels now. You're just torturing yourself xxx
So much I could say on this but won't except f**k her, CO. You're a better person than she'll ever be. Things WILL get better and you will realise that what you thought you'd lost has actually done you a huge favour, trust me.
Okay.. can't for the life of me work out how to quote on here, it won't even allow me to copy and paste but.....
"Anyone managing an electronic relationship is right at the cutting edge. No rules, no tradition, and fraught with danger!"
Champagne Fauntleroy Magnesium Joe.
That's the thing isn't it ?, but It's a modern reality and you can't uninvent the wheel.
Hence, dating now seems to me to ba a terrifying new arena, one which I seriously have to consider if I want to step into again.
"Anyone managing an electronic relationship is right at the cutting edge. No rules, no tradition, and fraught with danger!"
Champagne Fauntleroy Magnesium Joe.
That's the thing isn't it ?, but It's a modern reality and you can't uninvent the wheel.
Hence, dating now seems to me to ba a terrifying new arena, one which I seriously have to consider if I want to step into again.
Reference: Karms
So much I could say on this but won't except f**k her, CO. You're a better person than she'll ever be. Things WILL get better and you will realise that what you thought you'd lost has actually done you a huge favour, trust me.
Yeah 
but its so much better than the old way of doing it...
having to go out to pubs or clubs... on the pull... if you do pull... the whole "waiting for them to call" thing... and all that stuff...
having to go out to pubs or clubs... on the pull... if you do pull... the whole "waiting for them to call" thing... and all that stuff...
I dumped many a bloke by phone....I just thing the internet is the new phone....
Reference:
having to go out to pubs or clubs... on the pull... if you do pull... the whole "waiting for them to call" thing... and all that stuff...
I dunno, I still like the traditional method. Plus there's a difference in meeting someone by chance via a friend online or summat like that and building up a friendship initially as opposed to joining dating sites or flashing your bits around looking for a shag.The rules are still applicable in whatever situation though - don't be a c**t and treat people like shit when they suddenly don't matter anymore.
Reference: Ditty
but its so much better than the old way of doing it... having to go out to pubs or clubs... on the pull... if you do pull... the whole "waiting for them to call" thing... and all that stuff...
The "old way of doing it" was meeting someone face to face in a pub/ club or wherever and connecting. Liking their smile, the way they dressed, their voice, their humour, their personality.You made a date to see each other again and it was exciting. You got dolled up for the occasion. It was brilliant!
If it didn`t work out you simply said, on the phone - cheerio
None of this cyber nonsense.
Call me old fashioned
No I won't.
I agree
I agree
I met my husband on an internet dating site and we will celebrate our 12th wedding anniversary in July. I have several friends that have done the same.
Every relationship requires compromise. Some people are unwilling or unable to compromise. Meeting someone on the internet is sometimes easier than meeting someone in a pub or club. You can get to know them a bit before actually meeting in real life.
I know htere are a lot of horror stories about people meeting on the net, but you rarely hear about people who have met someone, fallen in love, married and lead perfectly normal lives. Relationaships break down for a lot of reasons that have nothing to do with the internet.
Every relationship requires compromise. Some people are unwilling or unable to compromise. Meeting someone on the internet is sometimes easier than meeting someone in a pub or club. You can get to know them a bit before actually meeting in real life.
I know htere are a lot of horror stories about people meeting on the net, but you rarely hear about people who have met someone, fallen in love, married and lead perfectly normal lives. Relationaships break down for a lot of reasons that have nothing to do with the internet.
Reference:
Relationaships break down for a lot of reasons that have nothing to do with the internet.
They do indeed but ............somehow the whole internet thing can make it so much more public, painful and downright nasty.
They do indeed but ............somehow the whole internet thing can make it so much more public, painful and downright nasty.
But surely that depends on the people? I mean a 'traditional relationship' can end up the same, no?
But surely that depends on the people? I mean a 'traditional relationship' can end up the same, no?
Reference:
But surely that depends on the people? I mean a 'traditional relationship' can end up the same, no?
Of course but ........if a person has a nasty side - the internet opens up a wealth of opportunities to make it so much worse.
They do indeed but ............somehow the whole internet thing can make it so much more public, painful and downright nasty. (Sorry, still can't figure out how to quote and I'm not going to download another browser)
True, but only if you allow it to. The breakup of ANY relationship (be it romantic or just friends) can only be as public as you allow it. You can spend your time badmouthing the person on Facebook or forums or whatever, or you can simply delete and block and get on with your own life.
My self respect has always meant more to me than silly little comments and insults to and about me. Especially from people who are really nothing more than a few words on a computer screen. I have too many other things going on in my life.
True, but only if you allow it to. The breakup of ANY relationship (be it romantic or just friends) can only be as public as you allow it. You can spend your time badmouthing the person on Facebook or forums or whatever, or you can simply delete and block and get on with your own life.
My self respect has always meant more to me than silly little comments and insults to and about me. Especially from people who are really nothing more than a few words on a computer screen. I have too many other things going on in my life.
Could say sooo much soozy but 'paranoia' holds my typing hands back hahaha
Reference:
They do indeed but ............somehow the whole internet thing can make it so much more public, painful and downright nasty.
Nah... not in my world Sooz. The most public, painful & downright nasty ending of a relationship in my life happened in real life! (when my daughters father left me for someone else when I was 6 months pregnant).
I have always found internet socialising & dating (before I got married) to be the exact opposite... its a much bigger world on the internet... if things went pear shaped I could just go to different places on the internet, or create a new account or ID.... and the problem relationship would should disappear... never to surface again.
Whereas in the town I live... everyone knows everyone through someone...