and now I have got that off my chest I am off to buy a couple of danish pastries & take them up with me & make her nice cuppa to have with them! 

When I return I will continue my stressy grumblings... 

look forward to the covering of the following topics:

• Christmas
• Christmas
• Christmas
• & Christmas

Yeah...  course I'm looking forward to the day...   and it will be special BUT I HAVE TWICE AS MUCH TO DO AND AM SO BLOODY STRESSED OUT ABOUT IT!!!!!!!

this new font makes my caps lock shouty moment look so much more dramatic! 

I like it 

My mum was the same she would not go in a wheelchair or use the buggies inside the store,and she also loved to do her own shopping,it's a nightmare and it's not until you have someone in that position that you realise how difficult it is to do "normal" simply things like shop.

I think you should do a dry run before you take mum out as it will be so busy this weekend.We were fortunate( if thats the right word) as my uncle's daughter is disabled and she  has the Blue badge so my uncle took us out to the shops but his daughter had to be in the car when the badge was in use and she kindly gave up her time to be with us .

I know that you will find a way around it.Love to mum 

I would ring the store.  Explain the situation and hope they have a bit of compassion about the parking spaces.  After all....it would up to them whether or not to ticket a car that's in their car park would it not?

Have a look online at the shops that are in the centre.  Any shoe shops, cafe's, fast food places etc will have seating and you can see where to keep an eye out for while shopping, should she need a sit down.  Maybe even tell her what stores are there so she can do a list of where she needs to shop in instead of trooping round all of them.

It would be so much easier for you both if she rented a mobility scooter (most town centers do this somewhere) then it's not like her being puched around? She's still in control. I used one while on holiday (messed up my ankle and didn't want to let the kids down) IT WAS SO MUCH FUN! I loved razzing around on it, its less of a wheelchair and more of a one person car lol great for the shopping bags too

Maybe you should look one up anyway just so you know where and how to get one should she change her mind while you're out.

How about getting a fishing stool? One of those portable tripod seat type things so she always has a seat handy.

Might be a good idea to take someone else along with you both (the boy?) to hold shopping so you have hands free if Mum needs a hand?

Hope it all goes well for you both Ditty, can understand why it's stressing you out

if your local council are saying no - try contacting macmillan  to help you get one - they are only valid for 3 years and cost £2 

Mum wasnt disabled and we had the same problem but social services and age concern helped us get ours 

hope things are still going well for you all   excluding the christmas stress 

Ooo try what Mrs H said - these blue badges are incredibly difficult to get. I got mine only when I was given higher rate mobility allowance.

I can see it from your mother's point of view - it's very important to have some semblance over what most would consider routine and inane, and it does allow you to have independence.

However, ........ she will get very tired very easily and a lot of these shops don't have seats and you can't guarantee you'll get access to a seat if they do have one   

A wheelchair would be the best option - even if you could hire it in the shop 

Jen - scooters, wheelchairs, etc - not an option...    its a psychological thing with her..   she doesn't see herself as "old" and to her these things make her feel "old".

The fishing stool is a damned good idea though 

I am seriously considering ringing them...   one of the reasons I am taking her out on Sunday mornings (as soon as the shops open), is because it is quieter then...   

omg...   THAT would be ideal!!!    

I am going to speak to my Dad about this tomorrow...   

Thank you xxxx

& yeah, things going well.      Perversely, mother is frailer & physically struggling more now than ever...    mainly due to the anaemia & chemo side effects.    The anaemia leaves her breathless..  unable to tackle stairs, unable to bend down (we have a whole other problem with footwear...   her feet are like little balloons, and she needs something that she can slip on, that doesn't look "ugly"..    I am on the verge of giving her my beloved Ugg boots )

EDIT - Father just popped in whilst i was typing this.. . told him about the badge through MacMillan..   he says "thank you very much for this info".   He's at the cancer unit next week & is going to enquire about it. 

She won't hear of it Pengy...    you should have seen the tears when we were talking her into giving the go ahead for the stair lift (which she now actually LOVES)...   

she see's it as a loss of dignity (which I really disagree with, but hey ho)

I did have a minor victory this afternoon with her though...    Ma has always been a bit "ashamed" of having cancer, my Dad told the stair lift people it was cos she had arthritis, they don't like to tell people about it.

I told her that if we have any problems on Sunday I will call the staff for help, and told her that I am so very proud of her & the way she has fought cancer that, if ok with her, I would explain to them that she was unwell cos she had just undergone months of gruelling chemo and as a result kicked cancer in the nuts- she got all teary (in a good way), and said she had never thought of it like that, and was I really proud of her, and ok, I could say that  to people if we need help!

Gotta stop this ridiculous feeling of self consciousness & shame she has going on

btw   -    I am acutely aware of how she feels about using a wheelchair/scooter could be interpreted by those that do use them...    all I can say is that since getting ill Mum does have "odd" opinions on things, and is often quite tactless...   and, under normal circumstances I would take her to task on this & other issues...      

...however, as things are, we let them go...     the brain tumour effects so much, mainly she is still "my Mum" at the moment...    I am not going to waste that by telling her off when she has one of her "grumpy or tactless outbursts"

She claimed she'd just had the most boring hour of her life on Tuesday, as me & her sat waiting for her friend (who was late)...   she'd spent the hour with me..  on the sofa...      I burst out laughing..    and, she did actually realise what she'd just said after she said it 

Aww that sounds like a precious moment there ^^ Ditty.

Edit: I meant the proud of her convo!! Not her calling you boring!

As for not wanting to use a chair etc. I can see why she feels that way, the fact she has no control over a lot of things at the moment i can see it would feel like a little more of her independence was slipping away.

If it is purely cos she doesn't want people to know, wrap one her feet up like a mummy lol

I think you're going to have a lovely day with your mum in the end, you'll have some lunch etc and just take things slowly. Try to enjoy it as much as is possible

LOL!!!!    I so know that my "tactless Mum" post slipped in there & you were referring to the post above it... 

but its made me laugh... 

the "boring hour of her life" comment was also a precious moment 

See edit ^^ lol You caught me too quick!

STICK SEAT perhaps?

Don't think Debenhams would be best pleased with that though.

Ditts.. I think it's worth giving the store a call as Ells said.       I can understand your mum's reluctance too - my sis (who thankfully isn't in the same situation as your mum) has mobility difficulties too, but she flat refuses to use a wheelchair or scooter to get around the shops.  I think she feels she knows the day will eventually come when she has no option, but she won't give in to it until she absolutely has too.  I can't knock her for it, it's that spirit that keeps her (and your mum by the sound of it) going.    She settles for lots of rests in M & S, Costa, Starbucks, Muffin Shop etc etc   Take things at her own pace and enjoy the outing with your Mum.

My Dad says he has never been so aware of "seating in public places" before      Or slopes, or stairs...  

He likens it to a bloke he used to work with when he was in the police force...   this bloke never wore a watch, but knew where every clock in the city was 

& yeah...    good suggestions, though like Kaff says, I don';t think Debenhams (or the Fenwicks owned place we are off to on Sunday) would thank us for the stick one.

The second one is interesting...   a bit cumbersome for our shopping trip, but its given me food for thought...     I may have to do a bit of research.  Ta 

The stick ones also have flat bottoms

God this brings back memories, can't begin to tell you how long it took before my mum would get in a wheelchair and she was so bloody grumpy about it, (not at all like her,) when she eventually did, (when there really was no other option.) Thing is, I guess, that's all part of the not 'giving in' to that damned big C, which is a good thing yes?

How about doing a load of browsing on internet shops with her, so at least when you do go out she's got some idea what she's looking for and you can save on some of the 'leg work' ?

Ditty 

I can't really add anything more than has already been suggested but I do know that round here the independent stores are more user friendly where this type of problem is concerned.  Just my experience though and not a definite fact!  Mr C (fully able bodied but woefully unable to understand the ways of a woman who needs to purchase) is quite unfazed if I take him to Tunbridge Wells but I guess the smaller retailers have got it sussed and have tapped into the market:

• See a husband
• Seat the husband (and his wallet)
• Cater to husband with offer of coffee, wine, newspaper etc
• Leave husband alone until further notice (pay up time)

My mate broke her leg and foot and has been tearing around on a motorised scooter for a while now.  She's 41, has it decked out with all kind of silly gizmo's - a siren that blares out just like the Duke's of Hazzard, and she's got tinsel and baubles stuck on every possible part of it.  I know it's not your mum's idea of fun but I just thought I'd tell the story and let you know that NO ONE is safe on the streets of Hampshire or Spain until her leg is out of plaster.  She's lovin' the power it gives her

Good luck with the shopping expedition x

haha...  Cosi, your mate on the scooter reminded me of the one time my sis (that one I disowned earlier) did use a mobility scooter.  She'd had one of her hips replaced and she wanted to go to Asda with her hubby to do a shop and took one of the complimentary scooters that they had for hire.   She thought it would be a good idea carry her crutches laying across the width of the scooter.    Need I say more?    Carnage for displays and shoppers alike.  

LOL, you're mate sounds a right loony, (in a good way) Cosi. I very, very nearly suggested earlier to Ditts that she bought some gyproc, slapped it on her mum and then she could be chauffeured  around in a wheelchair pretending she just had a broken leg

oh its a targeted mission Soops...     I am just looking at the store layout online & planning what department to go in, in which order, taking into account guaranteed sit down spots (i.e. via furniture, shoes & the cafe )

We have one pressie that is a must get there..  (she is putting together a sewing basket for my brothers gf as she has just taught them both to do their own repairs HAHAHAHAHA - they turned up with their bag of clothing with torn seams etc, and instead of her doing it for them, she sat them both down & taught them how to do their own repairs..   now one of them is getting the full on sewing kit for christmas - HAHAHAHAHAHA!!  That'll teach em!   anyways...    the store has a comprehensive haberdashery (she doesn't want to get a ready put together kit...  she wants to put it together )

I have warned all my family to prepare themselves for strange & bizarre gifts this christmas...     and that when they open their jar of pickled eggs or Rice Paper flip flops, they are to look delighted and act like they have always wanted exactly that! 

I am so excited about it..   cos its gonna be so bloody funny 

And...    I could probably push her into a wheelchair if it was grumpiness it brought on...   but its the full on wobbly lipped waterworks...    can't handle that one at all..     I will piggy back her round if it comes to it 

! 

Dittymammy should be eligible for a blue badge, her nurse should be able to sort that out for her , or the Macmillan people . ( it was mum's "lung nurse" sorted hers out ) It makes a heeeyoooge difference ! Takes a while to process, so maybe say to your dad to give them a ring on Monday to get things moving? 

You lot might actually be on to something with the pretendy broken leg thing... 

thinking about it, I don';t think she'd have a problem using a chair or scooter if she had a broken leg...     as in her mind that would be a temporary thing...       I dunno...    I think anything like this makes her feel like she is sliding down the slippery slope...  

THANK GOD all this is happening when she has just been told she is in partial remission..        I think it would have knocked the fight out of her if it had been earlier on ... 

bleeding cancer...    the disease that just keeps on giving eh

.. and my mum refused point blank to do the wheelchair thing, said she had enough of that in hospital! She did cave in and have a go at the mobility scooter thing at one shopping centre, but threatened to re-enact the Irn Bru ad and ramraid Primark  

*PALM FACE*

I shoulda come to you to begin with shouldn't I? 

I'll get him on it Slinks...        We know it would improve her (& our) quality of life big time 

ohhh it makes a massive difference,  tell him not to take maybe as an answer, never mind no!  

You know...    you lot that have "been here"...      I find it so bittersweet, on the one hand its been more help to me than you can ever imagine...  on the other, its just so tragic that what we';re going through is not unusual.   

I will quote you on that!!!

He has almost got used to me saying "Slinkeh says...  "   

xx!

hahah!!!  Poor bloke! getting nagged long distance by a virtualish person!