Ah the shopping list... in the outside world it's a boring part of the normal swing of things but in the Big Brother House, it's a source of highs, lows, arguments and - in last week's case -  enough chocolate to rival Willy Wonka. 

This week, the main House lost The White Room taskmeaning it's economy shopping time, baby.  Here's a breakdown of how, after much head-scratching, our housemates spent their £180. How do you like them apples, (all two of them)? Are there are any glaring omissions? How would you handle control of the Big Brother budget?

She was the weak link from the start, having professed from the outset that she didn't fancy her chances against mighty alphas Luke S and Conor.

Throughout yesterday she moaned and groaned and channelled her frustration by fixating on the time, something that wouldn't move any faster, no matter how hard she thought about it.

Today’s 'Musical Charades' yielded mixed results and her guess of 'Can't Get You Out of My Mind' was not deemed correct (Because it wasn't. Sorry love, you can check with Kylie if you want). This meant it was punishment time and Sara's patience wore as thin as the porridge they were served as a consequence.

"I want to leave this room. I don't want to be here anymore. I want to go home."

Touchingly, by 'home' we think she meant the Big Brother House. 

It was inevitable then that when the time, finally, came for one of the housemates to push the button, she gladly took the plunge. Not even the tears of card-carrying cheese ball Luke S could change her mind and she bounced back into the House.

Here she was greeted with love and awe. The housemates gathered round as if she was Scott returning from the Antarctic with tales of giant polar bears to tell. She'd been gone slightly over a day, but time is a different creature in the House, so we'll look kindly on everyone's reactions.

"What was the food like?" was a popular cry, giving Sara the chance to tell horror stories of porridge galore.

Once the initial excitement had died down, Ashleigh asked the burning question on her mind.

"Did he say anything about me?" she asked of her absent boyfriend.

"Just nice stuff," replied Sara.

"Aw," said Ash.

Aw.

Aw?

We're scratching our heads over here at BB HQ, though the cause of our confusion is quite a familiar thing.

All this talk of fakeness, talking behind peoples backs and back-stabbing never fails to amuse and baffle the average viewer, but it's something housemates get hung up on, without fail, year after year. A day doesn't go by without someone being accused of playing up to the cameras, being a bit bitchy or having a gameplan, but more often than not it makes very little sense. We thought we'd sit down and hammer this one out, to try to get to the bottom of why all these accusations fly about every series, in the hope we can try and wheedle it out for next time.

Firstly – fakeness and behind the back jibber jabber. Everyone's been accused of being a fake at least seven billion times these series (that's an estimate). The definition of fakery, at least in housemate terms, is 'playing up to the cameras' (Deana's been accused of doing just that), being an actress (Becky's copped this a few times) and indulging in 'fake relationships'  (step forward Lushleigh).

It's not just the housemates who make these accusations. Viewers get involved too. And believe us, it's not beyond anyone who works on the show to make similar off-the-record summations, when nobody's listening.

The thing people seem to forget is that it's always, without fail, speculation. Deana may well get a little bit excited when music comes on in the House and start strutting her stuff when she'd been inanimate only moments before. Does that necessarily mean she's fake? Perhaps she just really likes music, like most human beings? And maybe, just maybe, she genuinely has an aversion to spam? It's not unthinkable, considering most people steer well clear of the tinned meat product day-to-day.

As for our actress, Becky, she's an aspiring thespian in real life. The reason she's an aspiring actress is probably because she's an extravert, prone to swing from joy in one minute to deafening devastation in an instant. Is that fakeness, or is it just her personality?

And then there's Lushleigh – called a fauxmance or a showmance by a bulk of the viewership, despite the fact it's actually impossible to know. Would Luke S and Ashleigh really have been able to spend night after night in the same bed if there wasn't even the smallest amount of affection there? Considering they've only had two real rows in 58 days, you've got to admire their acting chops if this is, 100% for the cameras. Logic would dictate that if there is a phoney element to their relationship, it's at least in balance with some real-life chemistry.

Besides which, it's not only human nature for individuals to talk behind each other's backs. It's essential to the continuation of civilisation. If we never spoke behind anyone's back, we'd never get anything done. We'd be a people who refused to communicate about one another unless everyone was present at the time - and that would be ruddy impractical.

So let's try and nip all this talk of fakery, acting and behind-the-backery before it's too late. Unless, of course, it's too late already.

Hold on a second...

We've just heard that it's definitely too late.

Carry on!

As a punishment for losing the earlier 'Musical Charades' task, Conor and Luke S, the last men standing in The White Room, were given a cruel and unusual forfeit. You'll never guess.

They had to chop a bucket-load of onions and post them into a tube. The tube had a small hole in its top which meant that in order to fit, the onion pieces had to be particularly small. Oh dear. That's shallot of work for the boys (insert laughter track).

Conor did not handle news of the punishment particularly well, with his early response taking on the form of screaming. Luke S got cracking with a characteristically meticulous approach to the job , it was particularly game of him to dive into the onions considering that his beau has accused him of whiffing of this particular veg.

The lads kept their spirits up with personalised versions of popular songs. '99 White Onions Hanging On The Wall' came out, but our favourite was their take on 'I Am The Music Man’, which included the lyrics:

I am the music man
I come from far away
I can play
I hope we're done in an hour...

And they were. Looks like somebody loves them, after all.