Ditty, a great comfort to your parents during this time

 

Squiggle, I'm glad things went well this morning

Aw Ditty that's a lovely message from your dad and I'm pleased they're both staying strong. How are you doing? How is your mum these days? Squiggle I'm pleased everything went well this morning, what lovely celebrations El, I'm pleased yours went well too, perhaps it was just too cold for some- MIL didn't go this week, the roads were reasonable but she would not have felt alright driving in it. We've got a yellow warning for tonight & tomorrow, I hope driving around tomorrow won't be too bad *crosses fingers*

An unusual jigsaw puzzle:

First:

A year after the reconstruction started they had reached this stage (and Reggie says Hi ):

and finally today:

Summer, you may well find the above videos particularly interesting.

Ditty, I'm so pleased that your parents are finding comfort and strength in their faith. I know my mum's faith has helped her cope with the most difficult times in her life. Please tell your dad, I will continue to pray for him and your mum. Big hugs to you, too.

Squiggle, you must have been so pleased to see your friend back in church today. I wish her well in her continuing recovery.

i did laugh at your story of the elderly man who found Jesus in 1959 but only got baptised today.

Velvet, I've been reading back and just  noticed your post about your sister. I hope you've been able to talk her out of her trip to Cuper, at least until the weather improves.

Wow el, a remarkable project! It's mind boggling how they did it, and the end result is incredible I wonder how I've not seen it, mind you- it was night time during our last trip there. I will definitely look out for it next time though, and I'll take a photo for you Velvet, I do hope your sister decided to stay home, and that you both had a good Sunday regardless go yogi

I'm doing ok...   I have good days & bad days...   this time of year doesn't help (if there is one thing I hate more than autumn,... its January ).

 

I caught my Dad on a down day the other day...   Mum was at work (yep, she still goes in when she can - it helps her feel a kind of normality)..  and I try to catch him on his own now & then so we can talk bluntly about stuff...     and he was not doing so good.   He too doesn't like January, and I caught him at a rare time when he was struggling with the being strong day in, day out.   He also said he has no one his age to talk to...   I wish he would talk to me as an equal, but that is never going to happen, and I was at a loss as to what to suggest as he pushes everyone else away.    Anyways, my friend suggested I suggest to him that he join a church, or at least go & talk to a vicar...    I am going to put this to him (when I find an opportune moment)..   I think it might be the answer, PLUS...  well...  I worry about him, what he's going to do when we do lose Mum.

 

Mum - yes, considering the big picture she is doing well.   She is still in partial remission i.e. the tumours are still dormant.  We are just having to deal with all the other stuff now.   She is on daily massive injections of klexane to break down the blood clots in her lungs, its important we do this, but the drug has nasty side effects.   And...  most of all we are struggling to bring her arthritis under control..   cos the chemo knocked out her immune system, steroids & non steroidal anti inflammatories are to be avoided.   We';ve tried morphine & paracetamol..   but I think everyone is now in agreement we are just going to have risk it and put her back on methotrexate (steroid)...    its complicated now..  before it was simple..   treatments were to fight the cancer...    now we have drugs contraindicating other drugs for this, & complications from a drug exacerbating other conditions...     I think this is why my Dad was having a down day.    That said, Ma is really really good in herself..   she's still very positive...    wishing her way to spring so her & my dad can have their first glass of champagne on the patio in the afternoon.

 

oops I waffled   

THANK YOU     & I will tell him xxxxx

Ditty your post, far from waffling, was very very moving.  Getting the balance right on the drugs sounds a nightmare.  Those chemo drugs are horrible for your Mum to have to put up with and I know how difficult that is for your Dad to see his love going through all that, he must feel so helpless.  If they can find a caring fellowship I am sure it would help.  Me and my hubby were so lucky in that we had a strong church family praying, caring, fighting for us so I know just how much that helped.  I know it can't be easy for you either trying to support your Mum, help your Dad to keep going and be upbeat for your Mum too.  I think the most important lesson we learned was that old adage 'just take one day at a time' it's a bit hackneyed but oh so true, you cannot deal with any more than that one day.  God Bless to you all.

Well said squiggle Ditty, well done for having good days! A lot of people would struggle with that, so when a down day comes, I say embrace it and then start a fresh tomorrow. You're doing a wonderful job supporting your parents, and your dad must love your mum so very much. I will light a candle for all of you I hope they can do something for her arthritis, will she have to stay on the cancer drugs to keep the tumours dormant? Perhaps something like acupuncture might help ease the symptoms

You have a strong family, Ditty, probably stronger than you realise. You all love and care about each other and, together, you will get through this.

Having down days is allowed, and makes the up days all the sweeter. Be kind to yourself, and as Squiggle rightly said, just take each day as it comes.

thank you...   & yes Squiggle..   "one day at a time"  I DO try...  its the days my mind starts future scenario setting that I fall apart...   I do eventually pull myself back together.  Usually its going up and actually spending time with Mum that gets my head back in the game...  hard to walk away depressed when she is so upbeat.

 

Sweet - no, she's not on anything to keep the cancer dormant..   I don't think there is anything to keep her type of cancer dormant..     I don't think she realises it, but Dad says her Oncologist (who we all adore..  most amazing doctor ever..  very very compassionate & humble) is the one that gets the "no hope" cases.   He & the others on her cancer team were all seriously surprised (& delighted) at her getting into partial remission.  Tis about as close to a miracle as it gets (from my point of view...   Dad is pushing for the full on miracle).    (again Mum doesn't know this) but the average life expectancy once someone is diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer is 6 months...   remission is not something that is expected.    And we have been told emphatically there is no cure.

 

But then like Dad says..    they said there was no chance of remission..  if they';d have believed that then she probably would be dead now. 

 

as for alternative therapies..   I think they are alot more open to these now than they would have been before mum got sick, someone else suggested Reiki -  but right now I'd be scared to introduce anything else into the cocktail...   it is something I will bear in mind though.

 

& yes..   my Mum & Dad adore each other...   the truth of it is that they could happily exist in a world where no-one else but the two of them exist..   which is a godsend for now (no-one could have more attentive, loving care than the way my father is caring for my Mum...   however hard I tried I couldn't do for her what he is doing for her)...  

 

again though...   it scares me what will become of Dad (and this is when I have to stop myself & start chanting "one day at a time" again )

Yogi - I have a brother...   he is the golden boy (in the eyes of my Mum).

 

He is a bitter disappointment in my eyes though!   I am not impressed with his lax attitude towards coming to see Mum...   but I keep schtum (for Mums sake).

 

He's been approached by Google..   the dream job...   and is flying to the states for an interview this week.   I've told him not to tell Mum anything for now.   If he moves to the other side of the world it is gonna break her heart...   and I am going to have to somehow stop myself from breaking his legs      

 

pfft!   My new years resolution was to stop expecting anything from him, that way I wouldn't be disappointed anymore...      

 

*deep breaths*

Ditty, I think you are doing the right thing by keeping schtum for your mum's sake. There's always one family member who seems to run away instead of stepping up to the plate, when things get tough - and the others are left to get on with it. All I would advise, is do what you think is right for your mum - even if that means making excuses for your brother . Your mum knows who is there for her, and she'll love you even more for not pointing out your brother's failings. 

  yeah, I know...    I've managed to bite my lip over christmas at his inappropriate behaviour... on account of Mum was actually oblivious to it... and you're right...   us squabbling would upset her more than anything.

 

and yes..   I am kinda (lol) grateful that her "golden boy" goggles mean she doesn't see what a selfish arrogant little oik he has turned into 

 

Tis a shame though..   had he stepped up he might have been able to give my dad the support I can't give him  (dad is a bit old school...  he differentiates between genders...   women are to be protected not leaned upon   Had my brother been a little more sensitive he could have provided a the man to man ear my dad lacks)

 

anyhoo...  

 

thank you for letting me waffle...   I swear it wasn't my intention when I came in here..   I really did just intend to pass on my dad's message (he made me promise I would )

Ditty, your mum & dad sound wonderful I think they're probably enjoying every moment of life together. Your mum has done amazing then, her doctors are probably in awe of her. I hope she continues to do well As for your brother, I can relate! If it wasn't for my mum, I'd have disowned my brother years ago. It's not easy to bite your tongue, but I'm sure that like me, you do it because you love your mum. Thank goodness she has you

I get what you mean about your dad being old-fashioned, and it is sad that your brother couldn't be there for him - but you are there, and for all his old-fashioned ideas, your dad will really appreciate that.

Keep doing whatever you feel is right for your mum and dad, Ditty and feel free to pop in here whenever you want - we like visitors in here.

Ditty, you are welcome anytime I once popped in just to show my support when some flouncer was ranting about "cliques" again.. And I'm so glad I did because the buddies are wonderful people, good listeners and always supportive I like them so much that I never moved out

yep!!   that's the one!

 

Apart from it upsetting Mum, I have no problem with him moving to the US....   I'll be the one waving the most emphatically at his departure 

Off for a cup of tea and then a nice long soak in the bath. See you all tomorrow. (Mr Yogi is back at work after his week's leave, so normal service will be resumed.)

Goodnight everyone. Summer, if you are still around, sweet dreams.

I can just picture you packing his cases for him Ditty Yogi I hope you enjoyed your bath, see you tomorrow

Good morning everyone

 

Still overcast and cold here but no significant snow forecast for today. And the snow forecast for tomorrow seems to have lessened since yesterday so doubt if I can use that as an excuse to miss my dental appointment (not that I would) . Looks as if temperatures may get closer to average by the weekend across the country but Met Office says it expects the cold weather to return.

A couple of weeks ago I read on an accountancy website about an accountant operating from home receiving an enquiry from his council about business rates. That got me thinking about my cirumstances as I've never paid business rates. I found some notes on the valuation office agency on the subject of people using their homes to run a business and business rates. None of the examples they gave quite fitted my circumstances.

 

3 years ago I bought 4 filing cabinets for client files and they are in the front room, so I realised then that there was a possibility that the council might consider that the trigger business rates. Over the last 3 years, small businesses have had a 100% discount locally, but that is due to revert to 50% at the end of March.

 

So I took the plunge and set out my circumstances in an email to the council a couple of weeks ago.

 

I had a phone call from them first thing this morning to confirm that, from what I had said, they didn't think business rates applied. I use the front room both for business and personal use as I have my dining table in the front room and when my brother visits we have our meals there. (I always knew my brother had his uses ). They didn't consider that the filing cabinets changed the position as the filing cabinets were not fitted in. The example they gave was of someone setting up as a hairdresser from home who had installed sinks there to wash people's hair as sinks would be fitted in. Also I hadn't done anything like putting in patio doors to restrict entrance to a particular room for clients to come in so they didn't have access to the rest of the house.

 

So that's that sorted out

Good morning Snowing heavy here with more to come apparently. it's mild enough to not be freezing though, the roads are clear but I've had to shovel the car out of home and in to work, and I'll probably be shovelling my way out again tonight. The snow ploughs are out, I've seen 3 within the hour! Happy Monday everyone

I do that ink that's a bit unfair el and I hope you certainly do get an allowance of some kind for your household bills!

That made me laugh too, well all I can say is that speaking for all of us - in this I am confident I can - we are so glad that you did stay Summer

 

Ditty I believe in miracles so keep hoping, and try a teeny prayer - He really does listen to everyone

 

As for 'golden boy' thank goodness that your Mum has 'golden boy goggles' because she will see whatever he does in a rose tinted light.  I know that's irritating for you and ideally it would be lovely to have him help more but we have to deal with reality don't we?

 

EL well done on being upfront with the council and I am glad your mind is at rest now about the whole business rate matter

Squiggle you are lovely I adore you!

I kinda already do...  on the quiet...      

 

told you I was conflicted  

Good morning everyone. Finally, I can say there is snow up here. It's only an inch or so, but at least I've got some -I was beginning to feel left out.

 

Squiggle, you certainly do speak for me, and I can't imagine the Buddies without our Summer.

 

 @ your brother having his uses, El.

You were sensible to contact the Council, as you wouldn't want to have had a big retrospective bill slapped on you.

Thank you Summer  

My dental surgery rung up this morning and asked if I could move my appointment to noon today, so I'm just about to go and get it out of the way. It's just a routine checkup.

 

Thanks yogi I wouldn't ever want to leave now that I'm here Mr summer got snowed off so he's homeward bound and fetching provisions for his mum, she's cancelled her usual grocery shop today. I don't blame her either, she's almost 80 and although she's wonderful for her age, I wouldn't want her driving in the snow

Good luck with the check up, El.

 

Much better for your MiL to stay indoors today, Summer. We don't have loads of snow but it's still very slippy underfoot. 

Just been out to pick up some lunch and my snow shovelling efforts from earlier are now white again, it's not deep but I'll shovel again anyway just to keep it under control I wonder how many people are staying in watching films today?

I'm back from the check up at the dentist and apart from a partial scale & polish, nothing needed doing, So I can forget about dentists for the next 6 months

 

The reason why my appointment got changed was that the dentist had seen on the television at breakfast time that heavy snow was forecast for tomorrow morning in this area. There's nothing on the Met Office website about this though there may be snow to the south and may be some tomorrow night.