The screams could be heard 3 streets away as Mrs James sounded the ant alert
"There's Ant's in the kitchen!!" Was the cry followed by the usual response of trying to crush them. *More screams as the ants scattered*
I donned my riot gear zipping up all available entrances to my person. The first task was to remove the hysterical civilian to prevent unnecessary death. "Drop everything and get out please." "No i meant the dishcloth dear."
Then I went into survey mode. Creeping up on the enemy... Seemed to be a small foraging party but I had to be sure in case more were hiding, waiting to leap on me and nibble me to death!
I followed their trail. Across the granite top, very crafty these Ninja ants they were wearing black almost invisible against the background. But they did not take into account my motion detectors (eyes). Ahh there are the crafty little blighters trumping up the surrounding unit to the fridge freezer, up , up, then across they trumped taking the highest mountain pass towards the darkest recesses of the outer kitchen wall.
Satisfied that this was a raiding party I began my plan of attack. Government Household budget cuts meant we had not updated our Trident Missiles ant powder to the latest Chinese weapons (Nippon) I remember MOD meeting discusion with the wife now. " If it works why change it"?...
The attack was swift and without mercy. The whoosh of the blast and the fallout was devastating!
White ash (ant powder) fell everywhere. The enemy dealt a crushing blow retreated with amazing speed.
"And don't come back I shouted triumphantly as I shook my fist in anger at the little trumpers."
This battle won but something tells me they will be back. The summer offensive had not even started.
Damb you Damb you all to hell!!!!!
OK Mrs you can reclaim your kitchen. I walked off leaving the battlefield (Not really I cleaned up after me)
*The full details of the battle have been withheld to avoid distress to ant lovers (Philistines) *
WATCH OUT THERE ARE ANTS ABOUT!