Yep... like loads of us above, I've been here too. 

Worst and hardest time of my life, and it did go on for well over a year, though I 'adapted' to the pain within that time.  By that I mean that the frenzied manic desperation did ease, though it made me feel like I was losing my mind at the time.

I was pregnant when I went through it, so whilst I didn't have a little person to look after, I was unable to 'take the edge off'.   Also, I am pretty sure that being pregnant saved me from doing anything 'stupid'.

Its times like this when you understand where all the clichéd sayings come from... and how true alot of them are.  Gutted for example... cos you actually feel gutted.  And, some of the others... time heals (it does, but its gradual), it makes you stronger (hell yes, NOTHING will ever hurt like this again).

The crap continued for me after the birth of my daughter (in fact he and his new partner were up at the hospital when I was having her, visiting a friends baby that had been born a few hours earlier.... I saw them there.... as I was being wheeled into the delivery suite).

Each day as it comes, one day at a time (cliché cliché cliché... I am sorry, but they are true).

I wish I had had the internet, or a forum like this when I went through it though, It would have been a lifeline. 

Hang on in there.... it feels like its gonna be like this forever, but I promise you it won't.  xx

Oh, and....  

within two years I genuinely felt the other woman had done me a favour, within three years I actually pitied her!

CO, just hang in there and IT does get better with time!  I can't add to some of the replies and advice you've had, only to say let some steam off here and please try and talk to your doctor for your sake and your sons.

Agree with this CO . try to come in here there will always be someone to talk to!

One day at a time......one day at a time. Tomorrow WILL be better. It DOES get better.........one day at a time.....I know......and it will be the same for you.....

Seek good professional advice..not always easy.Been there myself.Keep strong.

i've just been thinking the same as i have read this thread

Nothing much to add to what others have said CO, other than like so many others on here, I have been through this terrible pain, both personally and with very very dear friends and relatives. It does get easier - I promise, but can take a long time 'til one day you wake up and realise that it wasn't the first thing that you thought about. You take v good care of yourself and your son, talk to the people who care about you, including all of the peeps on here

A Hug for you this morning! Hang in there!

Comrade, I just popped in to see how you are Today?

There's been some very good advice on here, and there's always someone to talk to, you need never be alone. I wasn't...as someone has already said, this place was a lifeline to me.

...even if coming on here helps you forget your troubles for just a few minutes, it did for me, and then one day, after  months, I actually found myself laughing at some of the posts...then I realised i'd gotten so enthralled in some threads that I hadn't thought about my troubles for a while....

Honestly Comrade, the people on here are amazing, and they are ALWAYS here...

Thank you everyone for the replys.

I don't have much more to say other than..

If you have love in your life, cherish it.

Never take it for granted.

Recently i worked with a woman who i thought had become my best friend - she was energetic, co-operative, ferociously flirty, hilarious and intelligent - i respected her sooooo much.
She gave me that push to be more motivated.
Then i discovered she'd been lying to me all along.
I was devastated ...
But i eventually thought - why must it be just her - like no one else can ever fill her shoes? In such a huge world why must it be her?
I have met other amazing women.

So sadly i have to accept her friendship was fake and hollow but know it is not the end of the world for me

Comrade - its amazing how resourceful we can be
Amazing wot you can make do with
You deserve better - eventually you'll be amazed to find better - just be patient - ok

Take care, yeah?

Some very wise words there Renton for CO.

I'm there now.

I want October to pass quickly so I can get some kind of normality and peace back in my life.

Aww Lacey,hope you can pick up soon.

 Aww Lacey time is a great healer. It might not feel like it now but I promise you it will  get easier

glad you found some humour CO

Aww Lacey love,I'm sure you will find peace and be the stronger for everything.

Sorry to hear you are feeling this way Com

I notice this was posted a few days ago .... I really hope you are feeling a bit better today ..... Nothing much anyone can do from across a forum ..... but hopefully you will have some good friends who can come and be with you at a time like this ..... it might be helpful if you just had an ear to bend ........ take care hun ..... hope you feel a bit happier with yourself very soon x

I didn't see this part ..... god you poor thing

I've had a reasonably similar experience myself .... I won't go into details ... but I can tell you it was probably one of the worst experiences of my entire life .... so I kinda know where you are coming from Com

Please take good care ..... and talk to someone ..... People cannot solve your problems .... but for me personally a problem shared really was a problem halved ..... Don't keep it all in ..... talk it out of your system .... It will get easier ... certainly did for me ....... Hang on in there Com & call on your friends, you need them  x