Lying here beside you dear, I turn and watch you sleep,
So blessed am I to have you, a love so strong and deep,
You always say you love me, but I really love you more,
That is until I'm startled by the most god awful snore!

The noise is so outrageous that it vibrates in my head,
I'm shaken like a rag doll, like an earthquake hit our bed,
I know in each relationship, there's highs and there are lows,
But what's that awful whistling sound that's coming from your nose?

I stare at you in utter shock, your mouth is gaping wide,
A sound like Old MacDonald's Farm, is coming from inside,
I throw the nearest thing at you, my empty coffee cup,
I shake you with my free hand and attempt to wake you up.

You told me that you didn't snore, I guess you told me fibs,
So I sharpen up my elbow and I smash you in the ribs!
You groan in pain and I believe, that silence will return,
I push your shoulder strongly in the hopes that you will turn.

Alas you are still sound asleep, although you fart and cough,
With a noise that's reminiscent of an Airbus taking off,
Your snores renew with vigor and grow louder than before,
So I kick you off the bed and you land loudly on the floor!

I don't believe this! What the F? How can you sleep through that?
I'm getting really angry now, I cannot sleep you twat!!
I lean across the bed to where you're lying on the floor,
Landed on your back I see? And still I hear you snore!

I call your name, there's no reply, it's like you're comatose,
So I reach my hand out in the dark and hold your bleddy nose,
You splutter and you're drooling, still sound asleep, no cares,
Oh sod this for a bleddy lark, I'm off to sleep downstairs!!

Bev Parkes 2015