Advice - affairs | GaGaJoyJoy

Topics

angelicarwen

Hellooo everyone!

Just after a bit of advice. I have a friend who's son is is about the same age as my daughter , we meet up a lot so the kids can play. I haven't known her overly long , we met about a year or so ago.

She is married and she put on a good bit of weight when she was pregnant and still hasn't lost it.(I didn't know her before she got pregnant so I don't know exactly how much). She told me a month or so ago that her and her husband had only 'done the business' twice since her son was born (son 16 months at the time).

We debating as pals do all the reasons and the short and short of it is a week ago he told her he didn't find her attractive anymore since giving birth. He sent this to her in a text and as you can imagine really upset her.

But I met her today and she was telling me that the other night he was talking on the phone downstairs and it made her suspicious for some reason. The next day she checked his phone and it was full of messages to some woman and there was a phone call at the time he was speaking the night before. She confronted him and he said that she was just someone he met online and he wasn't doing anything.

Anyway my question is , should I tentatively suggest he is having an affair to her? I feel I might be a bit off as we haven't known each other that long

If you managed to read all that you deserve a sticker

Replies sorted oldest to newest

Former Member

Maybe the best thing to do would be suggest that she joins Weightwatchers!

10/16/091:27 PM

MoFoMember

Nah keep out of it...no point putting ideas in her head. If she gets to that idea without your help then support her through it, but its not for you to suggest imo. xx

10/16/091:27 PM

angelicarwenMember

Reference:

Maybe the best thing to do would be suggest that she joins Weightwatchers!

Call me a bad friend but that made me snigger

10/16/091:28 PM

angelicarwenMember

Reference:

Nah keep out of it...no point putting ideas in her head. If she gets to that idea without your help then support her through it, but its not for you to suggest imo. xx

Thanks Mo!

I kind of feel that I should stay out of it. I just feel kind of useless sitting there saying 'Pah , men' when I bloody know fine well he is up to something

10/16/091:29 PM

Smarting ButtocksMember

I reckon she already suspects him of an affair.

10/16/091:34 PM

DarthhoobMember

she'd already know hun, well suspect it..which is anyone can do unless he confesses or gets caught out...and he will as he obviously isnt being smart about it is he. he may well not have cheated anyway...yet, but it seems obvious that he is looking to.

if it was my friend and she asked me what i thought, i'd say it but until she actually asks i'd keep my opinions to myself as the reason she wont have asked is probably cos she can't face hearing someone agree with her. he is a total twat though whether he cheated or not for saying what he did how he did

twice in 16 months though

i put on about 2 stone after Dex was born and my OH wont bloody leave me alone

he must just like fat birds though lol

10/16/091:41 PM

SazBombMember

Reference:

I reckon she already suspects him of an affair.

I think she must do to have checked his phone...

I dunno Arwen, if you want to nudge her thinking that way a bit you could ask if she believed him when he said he wasn't doing owt?

10/16/091:51 PM

angelicarwenMember

Thanks Hoobs! Thats because you iz gawjuss innit

10/16/091:52 PM

SazBombMember

If she brings it up I mean... don't just go mentioning it over coffee and biscuits

10/16/091:53 PM

angelicarwenMember

Reference:Saz

I dunno Arwen, if you want to nudge her thinking that way a bit you could ask if she believed him when he said he wasn't doing owt?

She told me at lunch today that she would just have to believe him *shrugs*

She also said thank God he had had the snip

10/16/091:53 PM

DirtyprettygirlthingMember

Reference:

should I tentatively suggest he is having an affair to her

I can't believe it would be necessary!!! Personally, the phone calls and talking online constitute an affair if they are of 'that' kind of content. Its not just about sex... though if he hasn't actually done it yet, its only a matter of time!

I think you should suggest he is a twat trying to shift the blame for him being an unloyal bastard onto her and her weight gain! Lowest of the low... he's gone straight for the jugular and targetted something she has an issue with herself!

10/16/091:54 PM

DarthhoobMember

Reference:

angelicarwen online 2244 Forum Posts Today at 13:52 (Edited: ) Thanks Hoobs! Thats because you iz gawjuss innit

apparently it's cos our bond got bigger (along with my waistline) i think he is too much of a thinker

i hope your friend doesn't stick her head in the sand over this, it seems to me that she might

whilst he may not have cheated yet, he was looking to, which makes it worse imo.

and ditty was right about turning it around on her. although i can accept that he may have problems feeling as attracted to her after the weight gain(though we dont know how much she gained), to go about things like he did is completely the wrong way. if she didn't have self esteem issues now i'm sure she will have now. it's his way of shedding guilt and making it seem like it is ok to cheat

10/16/092:00 PM

DirtyprettygirlthingMember

Thing is though.... its easy to sit here and say all this. I've been there, years ago... living with a cheating git, and it ends eventually whatever you do. Its only when you've been through all that crap once (or you were a really really strong person to start with), that you won't tolerate any of it again.

Cos Mr Ditty & I met online... and cos, as I said, I have been through all this before... we have Basic Rule.... one that cuts through all the "we didn't do anything" crap....

Basically if either of us is having anything to do with someone else, and we stop and ask ourselves "how would I feel if this was spouse doing/saying this with someone". If the answer is 'not happy'.... then its wrong!

10/16/092:07 PM

DarthhoobMember

Reference:

Dirtyprettygirlthing offline 8546 Forum Posts Today at 14:07 (Edited: ) Thing is though.... its easy to sit here and say all this. I've been there, years ago... living with a cheating git, and it ends eventually whatever you do. Its only when you've been through all that crap once (or you were a really really strong person to start with), that you won't tolerate any of it again.

Bingo, happened to me too, and i let him get away with it time and time again as my self esteem went down the shitter. i only left cos i was heavily pregnant and thought about bringing our child into a life with him with us (he didn't just cheat)
i got cheated on again later in life by another BF, he was out the door as soon as i knew...i wont take it anymore...that ex still tries to get back with me...7 years later.but i am not having it. he even went as far as blaming me for it not working cos i dumped him

me and my OH met online and made same 'rules' Ditty

10/16/092:13 PM

angelicarwenMember

Thanks ditty. I know exactly what you are saying.

And Hoobs I think you are 100% right she is burying her head in the sand and hoping it will all go away.

I tried suggesting to her that she joins me on a health kick (so she feels a bit better about herself) told her I want to drop a dress size before Christmas but she said she is just going to do the opposite and order more McDonalds

10/16/092:16 PM

DirtyprettygirlthingMember

Arwen - hon, you have to stop worrying about her really... one way of another this will play itself out.

IF she starts to moan and moan and moan about it all the time, whilst tolerating it, then I think that gives you the right to tell her straight, but other than that the best thing you can do is just be there when it does all go tits up.

edited: last line should read "be there FOR HER when it all goes tits up" (I didn't mean it to sound like a popcorn event! )

10/16/092:20 PM

DirtyprettygirlthingMember

Reference: Hoob

me and my OH met online and made same 'rules' Ditty

Simple rule... but it really works doesn't it?

10/16/092:23 PM

Former Member

well i reckon hes having an affair and i would tell her, but thats just me

by the way if anyone wants any advice on how to catch someone having an affair just ask me, im not joking im an expert!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i know all the trick and tracking devices etc going

10/16/092:25 PM

nanalouMember

Difficult position to find yourself in but honestly, you don't need to tell her he's having an affair, she already knows.
Believe me, we know when we are being cheated on...........been there, done that and wore the t shirt.

What you could do to be a good friend, is be there to listen and offer a shoulder to cry on.
You could also say something like "If you feel overweight, why don't we do something together, like go to the gym, or ride bikes and maybe we could diet together"
Now I'm not saying that YOU need to lose weight but by making it sound as though you really would like to do this with her, it could really motivate her.

10/16/092:28 PM

angelicarwenMember

Reference:

by the way if anyone wants any advice on how to catch someone having an affair just ask me, im not joking im an expert!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i know all the trick and tracking devices etc going

Oooh maybe I should hire you to catch him out

10/16/092:28 PM

DirtyprettygirlthingMember

From what you've said, I wouldn't be surprised if she is avoiding any subject that may give him the opportunity to just come out and say it.

It sounds like he has one foot out the door already tbh

10/16/092:34 PM

DarthhoobMember

Reference:

Dirtyprettygirlthing offline 8551 Forum Posts Today at 14:23 (Edited: ) Reference: Hoob me and my OH met online and made same 'rules' Ditty Simple rule... but it really works doesn't it?

has so far, i also added something about removing testicles too though

10/16/092:59 PM

DirtyprettygirlthingMember

hahaha!

My 'testicle' clause was more along the lines of 'him moving back in with his brothers and I get to keep the dog'

10/16/093:01 PM

DarthhoobMember

Reference:angelic

I tried suggesting to her that she joins me on a health kick (so she feels a bit better about herself) told her I want to drop a dress size before Christmas but she said she is just going to do the opposite and order more McDonalds

THAT is her defeatist attitude, she already knows the truth and it has lowered her self esteem and confidence. instead of doing something about it (not that she should lose weight for him) she is being all 'i am fat so i may as well stay fat'

10/16/093:03 PM

DirtyprettygirlthingMember

or she is wanting to hear you say "nooo, you're not fat"

10/16/093:05 PM

Former Member

yes hire me id be good

10/16/093:18 PM

angelicarwenMember

Reference:

or she is wanting to hear you say "nooo, you're not fat"

That would be a whopper. In more than one sense of the word

10/17/0911:06 AM

liverbirdMember 10 years

I agree with all those who say she already knows! how sad and what a barsteward he is when this is the time she really needs him!

10/17/0911:18 AM

Former Member

Thing is, if he doesn't fancy her anymore then, well, he doesn't fancy her anymore. Whatever the reason, it's probably not something he can just will away. Of course, that doesn't give him permission to play away but I suppose it does mean he doesn't have to boff her.

10/17/0911:36 AM

CagneyMember

You're only hearing her side of it. I'd be wary of getting too involved. If she wants to make any life changing decisions she should make them herself. Be there for her though

10/17/0911:48 AM

fabienneMember

Reference: Angelic

he told her he didn't find her attractive anymore since she had 'ballooned' since giving birth. He sent this to her in a text and as you can imagine really upset her.

Her husband texted her to tell her this?? He's a total waste of space!

10/17/0911:51 AM

angelicarwenMember

Reference:

Her husband texted her to tell her this?? He's a total waste of space!

Yep while we were having lunch

She was totally baffled as to why he couldn't tell her face to face

10/17/0912:14 PM

DarthhoobMember

cos he has no balls, least he wouldn't if he text ME that

10/17/091:04 PM

CindsMember 10 yearsMemoriam

I'm torn!

But unless you know for sure he is having an affair, say nothing! I really agree, it doesn't sound good, if my husband was texting and talking to some lady he had met online I would be suspicuious. I know he has been bout people I have met and chatted on the phone to online, which is one of the reasons I was so pleased when Mr Cinds finally met Trollop. Even though alot of the phone conversations I had had with Trollop were made with Mr Cinds sitting next to me, I wanted them to meet, so A. Mr Cinds knew we were just mates, and B, because I love Trollop to bits and knew Mr Cinds would really get on with him too.

10/17/091:04 PM

CindsMember 10 yearsMemoriam

That made sense in my head OK

10/17/091:07 PM

DarthhoobMember

it made sense, i've done the same though lol

10/17/091:09 PM

angelicarwenMember

Reference:

That made sense in my head OK

Thanks Cinds! I know what you are getting at

Thing is , I suspect he didn't meet this woman online

I used to think Trollop was a woman they way everyone spoke to him for some reason

10/17/091:09 PM

DarthhoobMember

it's the dress

10/17/091:11 PM

queenshaksMember

Trollop is a woman....non?

I have no advice on this affair thing...I say go with the flow and do what you think is right

10/17/091:13 PM

Ad-Free	Search Site	Start Dialogs
Upload Photos	Upload Videos	Upload Audio
Upload Documents	Use Signature	Block Members
View Member Directory	Mark All Topics As Read	Edit Posts Anytime
Post To Walls

Skip to main content

Topics

Add Reply

Membership Required

Remove From Your Block List

Manage Follow Preferences

Block

Premium Membership Required

VIP

Please wait...