MORNING! Well, I'm writing from a slightly different location today, plonked on the diary room chair ready to spill my TRUE feelings towards my fellow lodgers.

By Helen Wood / Published 22nd June 2015

So, I'm BBaaaack. Being a cheese-on-toast-ball here, but seriously, what a massive honour to have been invited back on what I regard as one of the best experiences of my life.

Finding it harder than what I imagined, but I’ll go into that in a while.

I began by strutting my stuff down the famous BB red carpet, standard "boooo" and "off off off" chants were being yelled, waste of breath, I react better to that kind of reaction than cheers.

Entering the bunker, my temp hideout before entering the real house, I sat with ear phones on, bitching away.

I do recall calling Jack a "fat c-bomb", umm, my choice of words as usual could have been more carefully selected.

But for those forthing at the mouth over it, don't even pretend you've never dealt the fat card behind someone's back.

He's been one of the toughest housemates to live with, in fact, a lot of them are difficult to live with – last year was a breeze compared to this lot.

The theme being TimeWarp meant the return of our pal Victor, the guy who’s been wearing the same beanie hat and jacket since summer of 69.

He decides to try and stir the pot, hmm, I detect a little jealousy that he's not here and I am, aww, soz Vic, enjoy your couch and Pot Noodle whilst watching me.

The real-life scene of Brokeback Mountain made an appearance that day too, Mark Byron and Matthew Davies.

Now, if they'd gone round trying to cause trouble, I'd understand. I wouldn’t be bothered because I've provoked that kind of reaction, although, how embarrassing, the one chance they get to nail me and throw abuse, they attempt to spray an empty tin of silly string on me.

Massive fail, bit like their brows.

I wasn’t about to fail the task for a couple of losers, so keeping quiet was the best thing to do, as well as annoy them by not retaliating. It was cringe to say the least, oh well boys, you gave it your best shot (no pun intended).

Going back to finding some housemates tricky to live with, some on the other hand are really easy, with Marc and Joel my favourites by far.

They are consistent, genuine, and most of all hilarious. I've learned more about politics and science in one week than 11 years at school.

I just hope people can see how good these two particular housemates are, the pair need to be head-to-head in the final for sure.

Marc is a massive wind-up merchant, which I just love, every BB series needs this. Without him the entertainment value would be watching people pick their nose and fart.

He's a stripper and looks like your average roid head, yet the majority of his days are spent in a lab as a scientist. Amazing, a nerd plus an a******e all in one.

Joel is a mini David Cameron; straight-talking, fair but forthright, innocently funny.

But you’ll be shocked who else I'd like to see have a chance of winning, Shooooowbiz. He IS actually a gem.

I got the guy all wrong. He's f***ed-up massively in the real world but isn’t ashamed to admit the error of his ways. He's harmless and brings good energy to the house, and Christ do we need that when we’ve got the moaning gits who cry over EVERYTHING.

Brian 'The Legend' Belo, f***, where do I start? Never felt unnerved about a person's behaviour as much as this guy, he really does freak me out.

He's living in the past and Big Brother is literally his life, I mean c’mon, I'm a massive fan and will never forget it, but a tattoo as a memorial?! Chill out, Bri.

He's trying to play Mr Nice Guy, the yin yang to my panto villain, offering a cheap hit the other night by raising the "bullying" issue.

Okaaaaay, well that wasn’t for the benefit of the audience now was it?! Find your own lines, the b-word is no longer for bully, it's for boring.

His aggressive behaviour has been absolutely shocking.

He's thrown shoes, banged walls, been aggressive verbally, the guy's lost his hinges.

He's trying so hard to act like this Big Bro superhero, it's so dull and transparent. Remember, put this into perspective, this was about nominating Jade when the whole premise of the show is N.O.M.I.N.A.T.I.N.G.

He had the audacity to blame Marc for her exit, despite it mainly being down to Nikki.

Shamefully, I participated too by listening to Nikki's opinion, never once regretted a nomination as much as Jade's. But what can I do now?

The real dumb ass thing is, has he forgotten who's watching? Only about 1m+ viewers who can see what he's been up to, acting the martyr all the time, have a day off, Big Bri.

This year's series is just as intense as last year, without Marc and Joel I reckon I'd have lost the plot and done a Two-Second Steve, started wearing ham for bracelets and shaving my hair off.

Having to watch your p’s and q’s all the time or you might upset someone, Jeez, it's BB not CBeebies.

I'm here for one more week, pied off a holiday for this crazy bunch, but it's been worth it.

Giving an insider's perspective, I realise how wrong you can get people. After all, I thought Jack would have been so sweet, but he's just all about winning and has convinced himself it's in the bag.

We even caught him giving Joel advice on how to be in the final, that’s why Nikki played the fanbase trick on him by telling him he had 200k followers on Twitter.

Funnily enough, she's shied away from the blame on that one. She pulls the innocent 'I'm-so-dumb' act which gets right on my t*ts… better be careful though or the b-word starts getting chucked around.

Can't wait to see the final, provided it's Joel and Marc who are in it. They both deserve it, mainly for being truthful, genuine, and by far the most entertaining.

See you on t'other side boys and girls. Who knows, I may just end up staying until the end.

Loves always, Hels Bels xxx