And another . . .

conjunctivitis.com - that's a site for sore eyes.

 *Titter*  xx

And one of my own . . .

I sometimes like to watch Harry Potter

But I'm normally drawn to Lord of the Rings

Its force of hobbit I'm afraid

A man walked into an appliance store and asked the clerk, "Do you sell color televisions?"

"Yes," said the clerk. 

The man replied, "Then give me a green one."

*Chuckle*

Q: What is the difference between snowmen and snowwomen?
A: Snowballs.

*I tittered*

I went in to a pet shop and said, "Can I buy a goldfish?"

The guy said, "Do you want an aquarium?"

I said, "I don't care what star sign it is."

*Laughed Out Loud*

Q: What is Mozart doing right now?
A: Decomposing.

Good to see you Syd  

Good to see you too Baz  ..but..but..but....we need a joke xxx

I can never remember jokes I'm afraid

Nor can I, but the google is your friend in times of need  xxx

I phoned the local gym and asked if they could teach me how to do the splits.

He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays."

So I met the bloke who invented crosswords today.

I can't remember his name, it's P something T something R.

Lol!

Just to start your day . . .

A cowboy walks into a German car showroom and says,

"Audi"

Q: What's the best chat up line to use on a Ringwraith?

A: "What's a Nazgûl like you doing in a place like this?"

 Love that  

Gonna tell my Bruv that, he loves LOTR.

I love this thread.

Not being able to wait any longer I found a nearby  public toilet.

I just sat down on the toilet when I heard a voice coming from the stall next to mine,

“Hey! How’s it going?”

Although I was quite surprised, and I wasn’t in the habit of conversing to the people next to me in the stall, I nevertheless answered him,

“I’m fine” I said “thanks for asking.”

“What are you doing?” asked the same voice. 

To be honest I was a bit taken aback by the brazenness of this fellow, but I would never ignore anyone so I calmly answered,

“I’m releaving myself.”

Then I heard the same voice again,

“I’m going to have to call you back, some smart-aleck is answering all of my questions.”

I bought 30 litres of tippex the other day, big mistake

Just found out my mate Gavin has passed away after some serious heartburn.

I can't believe Gaviscon

I was walking down the street and a stranger threw some cheese at me.

I thought 'How dairy!'

"I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up, and he said 'You've been promoted.'

And I swerved.

And then he rang up a second time and said "You've been promoted again.'

And I swerved again.

He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.'

And I went into a tree.

A policeman came up and said,

'What happened to you?'

And I said,

'I careered off the road.'

I went to the record shop and I said,

“What have you got by The Doors?”

He said:

“A bucket of sand and a fire blanket!”