Ed the Chicken

Ed came home drunk one night, slid into bed beside his sleeping wife and fell into a deep slumber.

He awoke before the Pearly Gates, where St. Peter said, “You died in your sleep, Ed.”

Ed was stunned! “I'm dead? No; I can't be! I've got too much to live for. Send me back!”

St. Peter said, “I'm sorry. But there is only one way you can go back - and that is as a chicken.”

Ed was devastated but begged St. Peter to at least send him to a farm near his home. 

The next thing he knew he was covered with feathers; clucking and pecking the ground.

A rooster strolled past. “So, you're the new hen, huh? How's your first day here?”

“Not bad,” replied Ed the hen, “but I have this strange feeling inside. Like I'm going to explode!”

“You're ovulating,” explained the rooster. 

“Don't tell me you've never laid an egg before?”

“Never,” said Ed.

“Well, just relax and let it happen,” says the rooster. “It's no big deal.”

So Ed tried to relax and a few uncomfortable seconds later, out popped an egg! 

He was overcome with emotion as he experienced motherhood.

He soon laid another egg and his joy was overwhelming!

As he was about to lay his third egg, he felt a smack on the back of his head, and heard . . . 

"Ed, wake up!  You shit the bed!"

Getting old just ain't what they said it would be!