*taking notes*
I've been using these. My fave of the last week was.......
Someone stole a crate of Red Bull from our local shop. How do these people sleep at night?
My son told me that it was an old one.
Why doesn’t Mike Tyson play Playstation?
He’s an Xboxer.
Kodak has filed for bankruptcy… more details to come as the story develops.
The new Margaret Thatcher film has been rated 12A - apparently there are some scenes unsuitable for miners.
Packing for my holiday tomorrow:
Shirts - check
t-shirts - check
shorts - check
socks - check
I really should diversify my wardrobe.
One for those under thirty...
How many dubstep fans does it take to catch a fish?
Three - one to fish and two to catch the bass as it drops.
The death of boxing legend Joe Frazier is being regarded as suspicious.
George Foreman is currently being grilled by Police.
I was walking to work when an old guy summoned me over to a garden.
“Pssstt,” he said. “Hey, boy, you see that rabbit hutch over there? If you go over and pull open the door, there’s a million pounds in there for you.”
“Just pull open the door?” I said in disbelief.
He replied, “Yes.”
I said, “There must be some sort of catch…”
Originally Posted by Enthusiastic Contrafibularities:
I was walking to work when an old guy summoned me over to a garden.
“Pssstt,” he said. “Hey, boy, you see that rabbit hutch over there? If you go over and pull open the door, there’s a million pounds in there for you.”
“Just pull open the door?” I said in disbelief.
He replied, “Yes.”
I said, “There must be some sort of catch…”
That really tickled me - the sillier the better 
Originally Posted by Soozy Woo:
Originally Posted by Enthusiastic Contrafibularities:
I was walking to work when an old guy summoned me over to a garden.
“Pssstt,” he said. “Hey, boy, you see that rabbit hutch over there? If you go over and pull open the door, there’s a million pounds in there for you.”
“Just pull open the door?” I said in disbelief.
He replied, “Yes.”
I said, “There must be some sort of catch…”
That really tickled me - the sillier the better
GYL 
So I met this bloke with a didgeridoo and he was playing Dancing Queen on it. I thought, that's aboriginal.
I visited the offices of the RSPCA today. It's tiny, you couldn't swing a cat in there.
So this lorry full of tortoises collided with a van full of terrapins. It was a turtle disaster.
"So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up, and he said 'You've been promoted.' And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said "You've been promoted again.' And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I said 'I careered off the road.'
So Batman came up to me & he hit me over the head with a vase & he went T'PAU! I said "Don't you mean KAPOW?? He said "No, I've got china in my hand."
Originally Posted by Enthusiastic Contrafibularities:
So I met this bloke with a didgeridoo and he was playing Dancing Queen on it. I thought, that's aboriginal.
Love this thread.
Originally Posted by Jenstar:
These are brilliant! 
Originally Posted by moonie:
Originally Posted by Enthusiastic Contrafibularities:
Originally Posted by Yogi19:
Originally Posted by Enthusiastic Contrafibularities:
Love this thread.
I was stealing things in the supermarket today while balanced on the shoulders of vampires. I was charged with shoplifting on three counts.
This bloke said to me, 'I'm going to chop off the bottom of one of your trouser legs and put it in a library.' I thought 'That's a turn-up for the books.
When I left home, my mum said "Don't forget to write", I thought, "That's unlikely"... It's a basic skill isn't it....
All the toilets in New York 's police stations have been stolen . Police have nothing to go on.