what I really really hate is seeing my Mum so scared ... 

 

 

its this that is totally killing me at the moment...  

aww ditty i'm so sorry to hear your news thinking of you

Hi ditty,

 

I haven't posted yet as I didn't think anything I said would make you feel better, and the truth is it probably wouldn't.

 

But I know EXACTLY what you're going through. My mum had a brain tumour, which developed from her breast cancer. It's almost 2 years since she passed and I'm still dealing with it in my own way that I can.

 

If you have any questions about what to expect then I will try my best to answer them. Even though it was the most saddest moment of my life, being slightly prepared probably made me deal with it just little bit better.

 

Dunno if the boss is too good either.

 

I know that scared feeling ,I know that feeling when you wake up in the morning and for a split second it's not on your mind ,then it hits you . You find a strength from somewhere and its get you through it Ditty.I have you in my thoughts

 

 

yeah, that's spot on too.

 

 

 

 

I am sorry everyone.    Rawky - you are another one who I do not want to make things harder for...  (there is some bad grammar there somewhere)...

 

There's a chance I may come back to you on the brain side of things,   on Thurs night, before they diagnosed Mum, we had a family bbq up at my parents house.

 

My Mum was not right, as well as being extremely unsteady on her legs, she was not right right...    but, as distressing as that was for us, she was really happy.   She was oblivious to how serious things had got, she was ...    I tell you who she reminded me of..  Jean from Eastenders, ..    but she was really happy.

 

I know that it was a kinda false happiness...   and it was horrible for us, but I preferred it like that.

 

Now they have her on the steroids she is fully herself again, and with that she is now aware of what is happening, and is terrified.

 

And this is the bit I just cannot cope with

Ditty, it's horrible. I agree but you have to stay strong and others will stay strong with you and help you through it. You will find a way to cope 

Schmurf  

 

 

 

 

 

MrD is taking charge of me now..   is ordering me up to bed.. 

 

am gonna do as I am told for once.    He was right earlier when he forced me to eat something, though it was really hard to swallow the food it did actually make me feel a bit better.

 

 

 

 

Night everyone...     sorry & all that...     for the forum SOS..   I am a bit crap like that...  I am strong up to a point, but cross that line & I am capable of meltdowns of the most epic proportions.

 

 

the wines, the sleepers, they are kicking in & the husband is ushering me upstairs.

 

Good night, 

 

 

 

thank you all xxx

 

 

and sorry xx

Ditty you have to stop being so harsh on yourself,really you do.You're not being weak nor have self pity nor opening old wounds on anyone,you're afraid and probably feel guilty that you're powerless to take it all away from your mum,all that is normal in the circumstances....I understand totally how soul destroying it is knowing they're afraid,tbh that is when I used to come home here and rant,I was angry,really angry....The inner child you mentioned I understand too,50 years of age and I felt like a vulnerable little girl,honestly everything you've said I can assure you   anyone who has been where you are now can relate to it and emphasise with you...IMO you're doing the right thing getting it out,it's a hell of a lot to deal with and carry,impossible to carry alone .

Sleep well and stop saying sorry Ditty we are here for you .

It is tough, my mum and i were incredibly close - so much so that my friends use to take the piss out of me by calling me a 'mummies boy', but the truth is I was. She was insanely protective over me, as I was diagnosed with meningitis when I was 3, and suffered other ailments growing up.

 

I won't lie, it is hard, especially when she's so scared her self, you feel that nothing you can say will make her feel any better, but just keep at it. I would be by my mum's side constantly, my Dad would have to go away to work sometimes and in someways it was probably a break for him as he never knew what to say to mum.

 

Just tell her you love her, visit her when you can, if the steroids are keeping her 'stable' then take her out, spoil her rotten. Do what you can to try and take her mind off things. At the end of the day you and your mum will go back to being scared, tears will shed - but you also need to look after your own health. Take some Kalms or remedies to relax you at night, go see your doctor to see if they can provide you with some sleeping tablets, and ever for your mum.

 

Your mum is going to need you to be as strong as you can be, let her be scared, and support her as best you can.

 

 

 

I'm so sorry to all of you who've been/are going through this and who are being strong by sharing your wisdom and experience.

I can't think of what to say; I'm just trying to show that I'm supporting you all by dropping in on this thread.

 

Yes to lose a child would be devastating Ditty but ..... losing our Parents is a huge deal and something we all know we are going to have to deal with but whatever the circumstances as to how and when doesnt ever prepare us for our feelings and emotions when it happens 

 

you are being too hard on yourself - you are not being pathetic  you are going through the motions just like us before you have done that have lost 

 

all I can say is take each day as it comes - do your very best for your Mum and others that need support but also let it out yourself in whatever way is best - emotions  will differ daily but we will always be here for you supporting you in whatever mood you are in .... dont forget that 

 

Ditty, nothing to be sorry for ! 

 

Velvet, hope the boss is ok 

Thanks Slinki.

 

Off now.

 

Later  

Apologies that I've only read some replies, I felt too vulnerable to read them all as death has been a constant visit in my life since the age of 4 of many family members, many friends and many pets...yes I loved them too and always mourn their passing which is a constant in my life atm because I've taken in cats with Leukemia and or Aids that have needed some loving before passing. We were at a funeral on Friday of a dear friend and yesterday (Saturday) one of my dearest and long time friends of many years passed over from breast cancer, we had so much happy history together over many years so I've hundreds of happy memories which I'm so thankful for to call on. I really miss her physical presence but also feel relief for her that she's been released from the physical pain and distress she was in.

 

Ditty, your pain is so personal to you and I soooo totally empathise, I lost my Dad when I was young and my wonderful Mum passed over 2 years ago, I still miss her so. Dealing with the death of any loved one is such a painful and challenging experience. I and many many others have learnt we do survive it as it's a process we all have to go through at some time in our life whether it's children, family, friends or pets. I truly wish you strength to deal with what you have to xxxxxxxxx

Ditty, I hope that you managed to get some rest, and please stop being so hard on yourself, what you're feeling is perfectly normal, bloody horrendous as it is xxx

Thinking about you Ditty and your mum