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A woman decides to have a facelift for her 50th birthday.  She spends

$15,000 and feels pretty good about the results.

 On her  way

 home, she stops at a news stand to buy a newspaper.

 Before leaving, she  says to the clerk, 'I hope you don't mind my asking, but how old do you  think I am.

'About 32,' is the reply.'

'Nope! I'm exactly 50,'  the woman says happily.

 A little while later she goes into McDonald's  and asks the counter girl the very same  question.

The girl replies,  'I'd guess about 29.' The woman replies with a big smile,

'Nope, I'm  50.'

Now she's feeling really  good about herself.. She stops in a drug  store on her way down the street. She goes up to the counter to get some  mints and asks the clerk this burning question.

The clerk responds,  'Oh, I'd say 30.'

Again she proudly responds, 'I'm 50, but thank  you!'

While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man waiting  next to her the same question.

  He replies, 'Lady, I'm 78 and my  eyesight is going. Although, when I was young  there was a sure-fire way to  tell how old a woman was. It sounds very forward, but it requires you to  let me put my hands under your bra. Then,a nd only then I can tell you  EXACTLY how old you are.'

  They wait in silence on the empty street  until her curiosity gets the best

of her. She finally blurts out, 'What the  hell, go ahead.'

 

He slips both of his hands under her blouse and begins  to feel around very slowly and carefully. He bounces and weighs each breast  and he gently pinches each nipple. He pushes her breasts together and rubs  them against  each  other.

 After a couple of minutes of this,  she  says, 'Okay, okay.....How old am I?'

He completes one last squeeze of  her breasts, removes his hands, and

 says,

'Madam, you are  50.'

 Stunned and amazed, the woman says, 'That was incredible,  how  could you tell?'

  The old man says, 'Promise you won't get  mad?'  'I promise I won't' she says.

   'I was behind youat  McDonalds'

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A woman decides to have a facelift for her 50th birthday She spends $15,000 and feels pretty good about the results.

 

On her way home, she stops at a news stand to buy a newspaper.

 

Before leaving, she says to the clerk, 'I hope you don't mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?'

 

'About 32,' is the reply.

'Nope! I'm exactly 50,' the woman says happily.

A little while later she goes into McDonald's and asks the counter girl the very same question. The girl replies, 'I'd guess about 29.'

 

The woman replies with a big smile, 'Nope, I'm 50.'

 

Now she's feeling really good about herself. She stops in a drug store on her way down the street. She goes up to the counter to get some mints and asks the clerk this burning question.

 

The clerk responds, 'Oh, I'd say 30.'

 

Again she proudly responds, 'I'm 50, but thank you!'

While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man waiting next to her the same question.

He replies,'I'm 78 and my eyesight is going. Although, when I was young, there was a sure-fire way to tell how old a woman was.

 

It sounds very forward, but it requires you to let me put my hands under your bra. Then, and only then can I tell you EXACTLY how old you are.'

 

They wait in silence on the empty street until her curiosity gets the best of her. She finally blurts out, 'What the hell, go ahead.'

 

He slips both of his hands under her blouse and begins to feel around very slowly and carefully. He bounces and weighs each breast and he gently pinches each nipple. He pushes her breasts together and rubs them against each other.

 

 

After a couple of minutes of this, she says, 'Okay, okay...How old am I?'

 

 

He completes one last squeeze of her breasts, removes hi s hands, and says, 'Madam, you are 50.'

 

Stunned and amazed, the woman says, 'That was incredible, how could you tell?'

 

The old man says, 'Promise you won't get mad?'

 

'I promise I won't,' she says.

 

'I was behind you in McDonald's.'

Scotty

 

 

A woman decides to have a facelift for her 50th birthday She spends $15,000 and feels pretty good about the results.

 

On her way home, she stops at a news stand to buy a newspaper.

 

Before leaving, she says to the clerk, 'I hope you don't mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?'

 

'About 32,' is the reply.

'Nope! I'm exactly 50,' the woman says happily.

A little while later she goes into McDonald's and asks the counter girl the very same question. The girl replies, 'I'd guess about 29.'

 

The woman replies with a big smile, 'Nope, I'm 50.'

 

Now she's feeling really good about herself. She stops in a drug store on her way down the street. She goes up to the counter to get some mints and asks the clerk this burning question.

 

The clerk responds, 'Oh, I'd say 30.'

 

Again she proudly responds, 'I'm 50, but thank you!'

While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man waiting next to her the same question.

He replies,'I'm 78 and my eyesight is going. Although, when I was young, there was a sure-fire way to tell how old a woman was.

 

It sounds very forward, but it requires you to let me put my hands under your bra. Then, and only then can I tell you EXACTLY how old you are.'

 

They wait in silence on the empty street until her curiosity gets the best of her. She finally blurts out, 'What the hell, go ahead.'

 

He slips both of his hands under her blouse and begins to feel around very slowly and carefully. He bounces and weighs each breast and he gently pinches each nipple. He pushes her breasts together and rubs them against each other.

 

 

After a couple of minutes of this, she says, 'Okay, okay...How old am I?'

 

 

He completes one last squeeze of her breasts, removes hi s hands, and says, 'Madam, you are 50.'

 

Stunned and amazed, the woman says, 'That was incredible, how could you tell?'

 

The old man says, 'Promise you won't get mad?'

 

'I promise I won't,' she says.

 

'I was behind you in McDonald's.'




Blizz'ard

 After a very busy day,    a comuter settled down in her seat and closed her eyes as the train departed London for  York. 

     As the train rolled out of the station,    the guy sitting next to her pulled out his mobile phone and started talking in a loud voice:    "Hi sweetheart,    it's Eric,    I'm on the train   -   yes,    I know it's the six-thirty and not the four-thirty but I had a long meeting   -   no,    honey,    not with that floozie from the accounts office,    with the boss.     No sweetheart,    you're the only one in my life   -   yes,    I'm sure,    cross my heart . . .   " etc.,    etc.

     Fifteen minutes later,    at Peterborough he was still talking loudly.  The young woman sitting next to him,  obviously fed up with his continuous chattering, yelled at the top of her voice:    
 "Hey,    Eric,turn that stupid phone off and come back to bed!"

     My guess would be that Eric doesn't use his cell phone in public any longer.

 

Soozy Woo

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