Mine knows that...     mine openly admits that her issue is that she wants to rebel..   but I haven't given her anything to rebel against!!

I swear to god she actually said that to me!!

You just can't win 

I know babe, but better is still moving forward. It's always easy when you're in a fug to make the ones closest to you the enemy. My nephew is on an upward spiral now. He's doing what he loves at college and is building little bridges with his parents. He's actually become a very indispensable and helpful member of the house, but with room for a lot more improvement! 

Lmao fair play to you!

well...

when their 18 and 'cock it up'..

luckily we've had only a few incidents and nothing major.........but then eldest spongette is in general a bit more in tune with what i tell her than the youngest.....perhaps it is that extra 2 year advantage i don't know.

i can only say what works for us......everyones kids are different......some of eldests and youngests mates take drugs and all sorts....they don't..i've told them both....your mates might tell you they have the 'time of their lives' whilst high as a kite.........get one dodgy tablet and they won't have a life...they'll be stone cold dead on a slab... life over.

they need to know the brutal facts.......drugs aren't glamarous........drinking too much can lead you into all sorts........have fun but always know you can phone home if needed.

for a long time we were viewed as 'the enemy' and 'fun sponges'.......now i think they're finally getting it.............but that is partly due to their own experiences and seeing it first hand

yeah...  I have always been brutally honest about stuff...  

I have a somewhat dodgy past myself..    in fact..  I WAS that teenager that was off the rails..    I trod a fine line between giving them the full on gory facts & glamourising it..     ( the latter I didn't realise until a recent "disappointing incident" )

like you though Spongey..   compared to what her mates are up to..   I am well chuffed.

doesn't stop me worrying about the little things she gets up to though.    Actually.. its not that..  its when I find out she's lied or deceived me..   that just blows everything away.      It makes me question everything...  

We are still in the process of rebuilding some of that...  

she's not quite made it back into the circle of trust yet 

Gawd..   roll on when they are married with their own kids & own life..     & I can be off growing old totally disgracefully getting lashed & worrying about no-one but me, MrD & me dog 

ditty xxx

i know what you mean.......you think 'what the chuffing eck have you got to rebel against?!'

but there is always something!...something you..or i just don't know about...my two...youngest in particular is a closed book......it's like getting blood out of a stone sometimes!

we've just got to hang in there and know it will pass.........cos it will.

we have had the most unbelieveable shit time with our youngest...i still don't know the root of the problem.......no matter how much i begged and pleaded and cried......nothing would make her tell me........i just had to ride the storm and wait......which was bloody horrible..........but it went eventually

teenagers will always (or usually) rebel in some shape or form........i did it......i bet you did it..........it's just hard to take when it's our kids doing it

MY dad always said one day you'll have kids of your own and i'll laugh at you .... and he does

Yep..    I can't bloody wait

yep me too.........infact i've told my two stuff they've been horrified about!.....but like i tell them..........i haven't always been 46 and a mum!!

and ditty......i'm so with you matey!!..feet up....bottle of bud and wait for the call.......'Muuuuuuum i don't know what to do about MY daughter/son'!

awww Spongey..    am sorry to hear that you have been through it with the youngest.

I have a horrible feeling that it will be the boy that really puts me through it when the time comes.. 

I think the girl may just be breaking me in for whats to come with him 

it was shit ditty honestly.

i think at it's worst point i felt like the crappiest mum alive......i couldn't get or understand why she couldn't or wouldn't talk to me about it.........i spent months and months crying myself to sleep over it whilst she continued in her own little world

i think strangely enough it somehow made me realise she's her own person...that i couldn't MAKE her tell me.....and believe me i tried.....we had fights...physical fights over it....but no one was a winner.......it was damaging us both and i had to try to realise that she had to deal with it her own way...no matter how much i wanted to 'fix' it for her....i couldn't.......she had to do it on her own...........and credit to her....she has..............but she always knew i was there if she needed me........and i think as they get older that's whats important..........yeah they'll screw up but we'll always be there if they need a hand to pick up the pieces

Spongey !!  

I hate to think of you crying yourself to sleep night after night!     

I'm glad you are through the other side now..   but, well..   god..    if you go there again & there is anything I can do..     Pm me or something xxxxx 

Awwwwwwwwww growing up! The thing is if you've had a mispent youth (as I did) you really worry for your kids. The irony is ............you tend to be over protective! One way or another they work through things and learn as we did. 

Communication is the only way IMO - yes I know I've been told a few porkies in the past ....................but - they are now aged 32, 30 and 28. We always talked openly on all manner of subjects (in a generic way) ...................i never questioned them on a personal level, We have to let them live - it's always good to talk.

And by God I'm tiddled tonight .................................been out with the staff from one of the shops. Ironically - the girlie who manages the shop was in the class I did my teacher training in many moons ago. 

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwww - don't even know where I'm going with this ......................all I know is - you try and  instill right from wrong in your kids then .....................................yo have to let them sort it all out for themselves! Good luck!

Spongey if I were a teen again and had to choose a mum it would be you,every step of the way you've been there 100% for all the right reasons and all the right things,you're a brilliant person and a brilliant mum .

It's a fine line to teeter but we have to do it carefully,every day of their lives is a new experience,as are ours,but handle it carefully.They will met new friends, some we approve off ,some we don't but one thing I never did was blame friends.I choose to believe I instilled enough of everything in my kids to make the right choices.> That aside if that fails you can bring a horse to water but you cannot make it drink,trust me the blame the friends is a get out of jail free card.

Thanks everyone for your advice and tips  i have said the same too daughter, i'm not trying too spoil your fun but just trying too make sure you are safe

I think i've been quite lucky with her so far, i've never had a day's trouble from her and she did well at school and is now at college and earning herself some money at the weekends, mostly working 10hrs Sat & Sun

I've done the don't lie to me and i'll trust you all the more and she always does tell me if plans have changed at they are all staying at someone else's house 

I think i am going too have too sit down and have a serious chat with her about going out drinking, i was going out when i was younger than her but i really didn't take to clubbing and went out locally with friends etc, daughter has never been drunk (as far as i'm aware) so i certainly don't want that too happen the first time she is out, i just know i'll be awake till she get's home

Spongee you sound a great mum too me 

Sorry Jen.. I missed this yesterday (I blame your otter comment )

I've questioned myself on this too over the years..    but the bottom line (I think) is no...   I look back on some of the things that I did & went through as a kid and I shudder.   gawd knows how I am still here to tell the tale.

Also..   it is a different world today..     Ickle went to a grammar school..    so she didn't live near any of her school friends..    this meant that she too didn't "go out with her mates" on a nightly basis..     she did go out..   but it required some organisation.      Yes..  this meant that when she moved down to Surrey and was there all the time... she was at first a bit like a kid in a sweet shop (but on a much scarier scale)..   but by the end of the two years she had pretty much got her sensible head back on.

Your girl is only 9 Jen..      In my opinion you've got the balance right 

How did you handle her leaving home Ditty? mine is on about going to university in Leeds, i'm not sure how i will feel when the time comes

hahahaha...  

You only have to ask half the people on here.     I was a total & utter weeping wreck for about 2 weeks (& for a week leading up to her going)     It felt, well I was, heartbroken...    I really really hadn't expected it to be like that.   

However, after the first couple of weeks it was suddenly alot better.    I worried a lot..     and I discovered that the worst thing you can do is to facebook stalk them (down that road madness & run away imaginations live!)..  

I have her home for a year at the moment..   which is nice..    she will be going to Uni in London next year...  she says her 2 years in Surrey taught her that she really likes it at home..   so she has chosen to go to uni in london as she will be able to come home whenever she feels like it from there (45 min train journey).

You'll cope Aimee..   but the week or so leading up to her going... & the first couple of weeks after she goes..   well, just try to bear in mind that feeling like that won't last.     Ducks was the same this year when Duds went...    she too found it got alot easier after the initial separation.

You're gonna have a few days of non stop tears..    but it will pass 

That laugh sounds cruel at the beginning of my post..   

it wasn't meant like that...      I typed cos I did actually laugh at the time..    in an "oh god what was I like" kinda way

I know from little Gyps that facebook, mobile phones/texts/calls from friends are THEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE most important thing in the whole wide world Do not come between a teenage girl and her phone/facebook

Thank you, i will take all your tips and advice  my mum always says's a brother get's a wife but a daughter is for life and it was true in my case