That's a difficult one Aimee I guess it depends on how responsible she is, who she is going with, and why she is going.

Very, very tricky .......................i think you have to let her go TBH but - you need to have lots of lengthy /open'heart to hearts before she goes. Conversations of the 'What if this happened etc.'

 

Your girl is doing well ..............17 is young but if she's well prepared it'll be a great experience IMO.

 

she's going with college and it's too teach sport

A lot of charming wide boys in Gambia. If she goes drum it in to her to be careful.

This is what worries me about her, she rings me too meet her from the bus stop if it is dark, so how can i feel she is ready to go too the other side of the world  if i say no then she'll be thinking i'm trying too stop her

This is another thing that worries me 

What is the support network like? If she has support there maybe it'll be good for her - TBH - I wouldn't like walking in the dark from the bus stop but ...................there are different scenarios the world over.

 

I really don't know enough about the organisation and circumstances but ..........it does sound like a great opportunity if the set up is well organised etc.

Where is she planning on going Aimee? The Gambia has a bad name for middle aged Brit women going to 'all inclusive' type resorts and getting off with 'boys' and the men in those resorts assuming that Brit women, whatever age, are 'easy. Truth is, some of them are, so how can the 'local boys' recognise the difference other than the girls/women making it clear? Your girl seems sensible and focussed on her goals, so if she's not interested, can't see how it's much different from going any place else really, including out in town on a w/e.

My (v strong minded and feminist!) niece went there this summer and had a FABULOUS time with no hassle.

If you give her a good briefing Aims and you feel she's responsible she should be okay.

 

The fact she's going as part of an organized group is a positive.

I guess i will have too wait for the info pack too come before i make my decision, i hate having the finial decisions on my shoulders though 

I don't know the whole details of the trip yet but it's too do with teaching the locals sport but i don't know about where they are staying etc yet but the whole thing scares the wits out of me if i'm honest

Presumably staff are going too? And if sport is the focus of the trip then I assume it'll be more like my niece's experience than some AI resort that's got a reputation for 'sex tourism.' I do understand that you're concerned Aimee, but she really does sound like she's a v sensible girl who, with a bit of a pre-trip 'mummy talk' will be just fine

Difficult one Aimee, but as it's actually with the college, then I would  be leaning more towards saying yes.... but I can understand your reservations...  

 

I have a daughter of 16, who started college 2 months ago, and met about 10 new friends in London when we went in July to a film premiere, and she is driving me batty at the mo, with her constant desperation to meet them all the time.. (They live between 70 and 130 miles away...)  

 

She wants me to let her travel out of the area to Derby and York and Manchester and all over the shop... to meet people we don't know, and to stay with families we don't know, and to travel on trains alone, changing trains at foreign stations we have never been to, and rely on these people she met once in London, being there to meet her.  I have said no to EVERYTHING except 'meet ups' at Birmingham, which is 25 miles from us, and has a train straight there, and we know it well...and she has met about 5 or 6 of them there several times... and she stays in the shopping areas and comes back about 4pm on the train.

 

And she spends sometimes, 5 or 6 hours a day chatting to these people, and feels like she knows them; but we don't!  I know she has some of them met them several times, but we haven't and as I said, we don't know their families.....We have only met 3 or 4 of them once when they came to our house in August......

And she wants to go camping in France in March (with three 19-20 y.o's; again, who I have NEVER met...) and she wants to go to parties in Liverpool and Leeds, just because others from the group that met are going...but they are all over 18.,,,, and are at uni and have travelled widely already.  

 

She wants to grow up so fast, and I really feel bad saying no no no to almost everything...but she is still a kid really: she only left school in June, and she is trying to be 21!  So I feel your pain!  If it is with the college though; I would be inclined to perhaps agree to let her go... but find out a lot more about it; like how well the students are supervised and so on....and what sort of place they are staying at.

Good luck Aimee...  I am in a quandry quite often at the mo, and I have one 14 months younger too, so I will probably start having issues with her next year!  My eldest has been an angel most of her life (and the youngest really....) But since she left school, she has really tried my patience... She could be a lot worse of course, and is as good as gold compared to some, but this constant trying to be older and going on and on at me and her dad; can I go here, can I go there, is getting annoying!

 

Its's a nightmare isn't it  my daughter is 17 but only left school this year as well, she has been no trouble to me at all and is overall a good kid, i've brought he up mainly as a single parent and i have too say she has done me proud, like your daughter she has met new friends at college (who i haven't met yet) some older than her and some the same age, she also now thinks she is 21 and can organise trips out without asking me first, i know we have too let them go at some point and i'm not against her having fun and new experiences, it's her safety that is the most important thing for me

 

Another issue cropped up the other night when she asked if she could spend the night at her boyfriends house (gulp) again he is a nice lad and he is in his last year at school, very good at school, nice parents etc but do i say yes or no, i was telling a friend the other day and she said at least she asked you and didn't go behind your parent, which i have too agree with, i hate being a parent of a teenager  good luck with yours 

Difficult choice aimee, I agree with what velvet donkey said I'm sure you'll be able to have a chat with the trip organisers too, tell them your concerns and make it clear you want your daughter to be safe in their trust. The trip might be just what she needs, she's growing up and will sooner or later have to be out there in the world and she'll need the confidence to go out there. Hopefully she's sensible and trustworthy. Have her e mail you daily if she goes, it'll take 5 mins and you'll feel reassured

I think you need to let her go but you should also share with her your worries that you have written here.

I'd let her go Aimee. The only time I'd be worried to send my kids anywhere is if there was local conflict or pirates. Gambia is a relatively stable country, and is quite developed in a Touristy type way. I wouldn't worry specifically about locals trying to pick her up, that can and does happen everywhere, and she sounds like she has a wise head on her shoulders.

Thanks everyone for your advice  it's hard work this parenting lark isn't it 

I agree .... Good advice there Soozy 

My boys are 21 and 31 it doesn't get any easier

You need more info to reassure yourself that your doing the right thing

If it was my daughter I wouldn't hesitate.  If she's 17 now, then she will presumably be getting on for 18 by the time of the trip in March.  I think that once children get to 16 you have to take a deep breath and try to let them go.  If your daughter is going with other people and staff from College, then there will be people around to help out if she is like my daughter and loses her purse, passport etc., and to generally keep an eye on her.  She's almost an adult, and in my opinion, I don't think it's right to stop her from going on a trip like this that could be a life changing experience for her. 

 

As far as staying with the boyfriend is concerned, I think it's good that she asked you, and also quite surprising that she's got to this age before this has cropped up!   If she's sleeping with her boyfriend (and I think it would be incredibly naive to think that she isn't at 17) then surely it's better for her to do it in a safe and comfortable environment?  At 17 I don't think you can really tell a child where they can and can't go any more. 

Maybe i am being naive but i don't think there are sleeping together (as yet) he is only 15 and still at school and she has only just turned 17 and this is her first proper boyfriend but i could be wrong  

 

As for the trip i'm going to wait for all the info too come through before i make my decision, she will be 17 when the trip is on. like you say it could be a great life experience for her but it doesn't stop you worrying for them, since she turned 16 i have let her make her own choices more but i must admit i am finding it hard seeing my little girl go

 

 

 My 'little girl' is 28 ...............I have worried more over her these past two years than ever before - she's been through an emotional mangle. I worry for my boys too .................it's what parents do - you never stop worrying. I guess you're parents still worry for you .

 

Don't feel forced into a decision but do lots of talking - communication is the key IMO.

I don't think my daughter could have found many 15 year old boys who were still virgins when she was that age

My mum rings me every night 

I have skype conference calls with my parents at least twice a day and they live half an hour away. 

 My freezer packed in on Saturday and my mum and dad have bought me a new one today, i guess parents always look out for their children whatever the age 

That age when they know it all and feel that they are invincible......I would look closely at all the info the college sends and where they will stay and with whom.....and then give her a good talking to about the dangers for young girls in foreign parts....applicable to all parts, here as well as foreign.. If you are both certain that this is the right thing for her, then you can make an informed decision when the time comes.

When my daughter was 17, she got up to all kinds of mischief on a geography field trip to Wales!

I'd let her go, Aimee. She will have a brilliant time and it will give her a huge amount of confidence. I still remember the time my eldest started driving, going to music festivals and branching out on her own and the terrible fear, until they are back safely at home, but it helps them grow and that is what a parent has to go through.

 

Not sure about the 15 year old boyfriend, though. Could end up in a Bieber situation! 

 He's 16 next week 

What did she get up too?  i'm going too check every thing out before i decide  she suddenly thinks she's really grown up since she started college but in reality she is very young for her age and is not as clued up as she thinks she is