Bit like the X Factor, there is always one that whinges...
Oi!
Get back, wench! Don't know if ye've heard of me skill set, but if'n ye ain't careful, I'll be practicin' some "elective surgery" on ye! 
*refrains from whinging any more, in case it hurts any chance of winning*
me thinks we need a judge that be impartial..... puts thinking cap on 
*hopes it isn't Syd* 
Weekly Classifieds
For Sale
One full sized hammock, hardly used due to owner not being able to find his way home.
Slight urine stain, easily cleaned.
Apply Rusty Flintlock, C/O Sailors Rest
For Sale
Captains bespoke desk, hand crafted.
Suitable for lady or gent, with thick legs and large drawers.
Can be used for minor operations.
Apply Gayle Force, Home for the Retired Carpenters, Seattle
For Sale
Holiday postcards, hand written in elegant style.
Ideal for alibi's.
Apply Warren Peace C/O Blackbird Freeport Harbour
Wanted
Where there's muck, there's Brassy, fair prices paid
Apply, Sophie Silverbrass Sea View, Freeport
For Hire
Situations Vacant
Detective required, good rates of pay.
Apply Hoochie, big office, main building, Scotland Yard.
Lonely Hearts
Divorced, teetotal, refined lady in search of her ideal man.
He must be very wealthy, wheelchair bound and in his 90's.
Enough strength to sign a will and marriage license.
Blue lips and pacemaker essential.
Apply DAA PO BOX 666
me thinks we need a judge that be impartial..... puts thinking cap on
*hopes it isn't Syd*
Stop Press Classifieds
For Sale
Pair of lightly worn Cumberland wrestlers Long Johns, owner selling due
to early retirement. 3 fights and 3 KO's, he decided another career would be a better option.
Apply Muf, North West UK
Finances tight at the Sin Dame?
