Irritating news about vaccinations. Stupid, stupid NHS. How do poor people cope, I wonder? Silly me, they don't go on interesting and challenging work assignments like moi! And the last I heard, you didn't need vaccinations for Tenerife hahahaha!

 

Day 2

 

Further irritation at not being able to find a tent in this season's must-have colour, cerise. And Cath Kidston is still refusing to return my calls. Irritated! Disasters like this are sent to try me, I feel! As it is, I feel woefully unprepared for this trip. I could only manage to buy one hypoallergenic sun cream in factor 75.  I weep.

 

Day 3

 

Nice voicemail message from The Ex Husband. He's obviously very very emotional right now, the first emotion I have seen from him ever. He just kept saying "those poor, poor people" over and over again. I didn't know he felt so strongly about famine and human disaster! I wept for the man he once was, and has now become.

 

Day 4

 

Excited! This is the day I'm off!!!! Does not bode well when I find I have broken a nail while locking my luggage. Disaster. Wept for a while. And the taxi is now 5 minutes late picking me up. I am close to tears at this point. My readers have no idea of the problems I am facing right now.

 

The taxi finally turned up, 5 minutes late. The (need I say it) foreign taxi driver was not only late, but openly and rudely commented on how I would fit all my luggage into his car. He also refused to stop the car to release a fly that was buzzing around the vehicle in an irritating fashion. I felt sick inside. I loathe flies. I wept. Further hindrance at airport where firstly they did not stock the particular mineral water I requested (I have several allergies and once suffered from an exciting variety of eating disorders that require me to have a particular type of drinking water), and then gave me a common mineral water in a glass that had a smudge on it. I felt sick inside and wept. I asked them to immediately replace the glass.

 

Funny looks on plane, I can only assume it was because of my face mask. Aeroplanes are a hot bed of germs and since there was no first or business class seats on this flight (I know!! I know!!! Madness!!!) I was not prepared to breathe in any nastiness. I wept (only a little bit, because of the restrictions of my face mask).

 

Read Cause Celeb on the plane, Helen Fielding's semi-autobiographical account of her famine work in Africa. She met a man out there!!! Exciting!!!!

 

Ooh - we're landing! I will be like Princess Diana, or Jemima Khan, or Michael Buerk. I will feature heavily on Comic Relief. I will probably be honoured for this and a Foundation started in my name. I weep.

 

Day 5

 

How difficult in this day and age can it be to get an immediate flight back to the UK? No-one is returning my calls. I am furious. And weeping.