In brief (as brief as I can make it), I had a business trip to Hull. Train got delayed by hours cos someone had thrown themselves on the track. Me very pissed off stuck on stationary train. Maureen Lipman had a go at me for having a go at train guard who was givin it the large. I had a go at Maureen and told her I didn't know why she was getting so lary cos she hadn't been on my tele in years. She not happy. Me no asbo.

She was also CAKED in make up. Totally caked. Like she'd hired a JCB to apply it. I think I may have mumbled something about silk purses and sows ears, too

Well that deserves a fanny kick in...

  Love it

I wasn't prepared to risk ruining my Karen Millens on her ageing lady garden

Pfft.. Karma get yer trainers on!

Hmmmm! It was in the recovery room after an operation and it was lovely....but I'll leave it there.

Seriously Suze?    Now I'm intrigued.  

We're all gonna batter poor Maureen Lipman now?

Is this the gist...cos if it is show me the exit  

So was I honey! I'll PM ya (tomorrow probs) 

No, only me. I'm away again so you can sit back down, dear Ciao ciao!

thanks - look forward to that!

But only if you get stuck on a train with her again, right? 

Hahaha I'd write it now but I think the detail in it requires a degree of sobriety 

Oh no..I want a proper sober, in depth report!  Seriously.  

It's getting me quite irate just thinking about it, her standing there with her 'my shit don't stink' attitude all cos she'd been on the tele when the ark was built or whatever. Twunt.

I really must away, night! x

Yeah coz right now it would just be blah blah blah 34 degrees centigrade blah blah blah a face blah blah blah a light blah blah blah blankets 

Karms... thanks for making me laugh on quite a depressing sort of night.    Sweet dreams x

Suze... don't forget now.     I'm off to bed too now... n'night people. x

Ey up! I think I'm about to have a proper near life experience....the Mister is threatening me with some lovlyness if I shut down the comp in the next minute  Night all 

 Kaff  *dragged away by a caveman*

Fullfth!

! 

Pure fullfth! 

My son, who has actually managed to live long enough to reach nineteen, is lucky to have got past toddlerhood. He escaped from two of my sisters' houses. Once he was seen standing next to a busy road and a woman stopped her car and rescued him and the second time, after running around the whole area, I eventually found him in someone's garden, playing with a cat. Another time, I was walking my sister's dog around a field and he climbed up a twenty foot fence and started screaming that he was going to fall. By the time I got to him, I couldn't breath and had to 'talk him down' between gasping for air.

But the best one was when he was nearly trampled by a herd of sheep. We'd all gone for a walk in the countryside and my sister's dog started rounding up a herd of sheep and they all came running towards him. I shouted at him to run. My brother in law shouted at him to stay still. He listened to my brother in law, or, rather, he was in shock and couldn't move. The sheep ran straight towards him and then just parted round him and carried on. Then we all started breathing again.

If you notice, all this was the fault of my sisters. 

Yes Blizz. We can see the connection  

It was too 

Done 

Is the other half lala?

That's just so so wrong. 

When I was 18 my boyfriend and I were in the back of a car being driven by a friend. It was very icy and it was snowing. He lost control and the car overturned about 3 times. My boyfriend dragged me to the bottom and when we were finally rescued, I realised that I would have been decapitated because the roof had caved in at the back.

Are you sure it was the Canaries and not the Bigg market? 

How's your head today Poolie?