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When you were a child, did you ever feel like your sibling was the favourite in the eyes of your parent? Even if your parent would never admit this.

If you are a parent of more than one child, did or do you have greater feelings towards one of your children than the others? I realise even if parents do, they would probably be in denial about it as this is the last thing they'd want. But I wonder if any parent would be prepared to admit it.

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My mother made a difference,she treated her sons differently than her daughters and tbh eventually it has caused a divided family especially since my dad's death.She always referred to *my son/sons* whereas my sister or I were referred to as *the girl/girls*,She'd vehemently deny she made a difference but she did and I am so glad I don't have to deal with it any longer....My own children I love them all in different ways for different things but equally,tbh it would break my heart if my children ever thought I favoured one more than the others,knowing how it feels I'd never want them to feel that way.
~Lee~
Looking back as the youngest of four I guess I was spoilt, but would say my youngest brother was the apple of my Mums eye & my sister my Dads, but it hasn't had an impact on our relationships with each other - as for my own, I would like to think the same as Lee, I try to treat them equally & I know I love them all dearly. I can honestly say they all get on famously well & family gatherings are a real joy! 
slimfern
like lee my mother made her choice, it was always "my boys" i thought my sister would suffer the same as me but there was a big gap between us and by the time she was growing up it was like she was an only child and didn't become the domestic slave that i had been,  this treatment continued all through life and it was only recently that i felt free from them ( i no longer speak to my parents),  my father once told me that my mum loved the eldest brother more because he was the "first born"      seeing the mistakes my parents made ensured that i treated all my children and grandchildren the same - i love them all equally         we (me  + oh)  reckon that if all my relations were in a league we would be in blue square north whilst my brothers would be in the premiership
machel
My brother did get treated differently from myself and my three sisters but having lost two brothers who were young and my brother was always ill when he was younger none of us were bothered that he got and needed more attention or ever said as far as I am aware that he was the favourite we were all treated fairly,I dont have a favourite my younger daughter does so much for me and I do see more of her even though I keep telling her I am alright,I love them all equally as Lee has said above in different ways for different things, I have been very lucky that we are all close
Marguerita
I'm sure a fair few Irish posters will bear this out but a lot of Irish mothers from the 60s and 70s lived and breathed for their sons!

I'm the middle of 3 with an older sister and younger brother.  The extended family and friends really adored my sister as she was this pretty, platinum blonde curly haired girl in a Shirley Temple mould.  It was OK for the first child to be a girl but the next one had to be a boy.  Along I came and everyone practically ignored me.  By the time my brother was born there was such relief that finally my mother had produced a son until it was realised that something was wrong with him.  There were even some catty comments to my mam that at last she had a son but what a pity he wasn't 'normal'.

My sister grew up spoilt due to my mam favouring her and we could hardly stand being in the same room as each other whereas I was very protective of my brother.  My mother always though my sister could do no wrong and I could do no right.  Whatever went wrong it was always my fault.

It wasn't until my sister had my niece that we grew close and we're very close now.  I've always been close to my brother as he's not really able to live on his own due to being learning disabled.  I'm glad that all we've gone through hasn't torn our family apart
FM
There's 5 of us and I'm the youngest so I suppose I always felt favoured to some degree.  Even now I'm the only one my mum rings to go for lunch in town and we're pretty close.  It hasn't caused any trouble with my siblings....if anything they know that if there's something bothering mum they can ask me to go have a word and see what's wrong and they understand that even though I spend the most time with mum she loves us all even if relations with some siblings isn't as obvious.

I;ve got 2 sons and I am going to go against the grain and say I am closer to my youngest and my partner closer to my eldest.  We don't mean for it to be that way and we never make a difference in how we show we love both but my eldest would ratehr spend time with his dad doing guy things and my youngest with me playing toys as he's only 4.  My yougnest has severe eczema and has always needed more attention which might be how my eldest grew closer to his dad while I was doing hospital trips and night baths for the wee one and his dad would occupy the older son and give him some time away from the constant attention the wee one was getting.
I'm hoping as the wee one grows I can get back that bigger bond with my oldest, I try to spend as much time together as we can and I've explained why sometimes the wee one needs a bit more attention and he seems to understand it and has never mentioned that he feels he's treated any different.

And I think that's the first time I've ever admitted that yes, I do feel differently towards my kids and I dont like what I've just admitted but it actually feels good to admit it and I know I need to try to sort it out before the kids get any older.

Sunday therapy......free on Gaga
Ells
Well I'm 54 so my parents are both gone now I'm the middle child.My brother was the oldest and I have a younger sister.My brother died 4 years ago.I was never aware of any of us being favoured.I suppose my sister was fussed over a little bit more,mainly due to age difference .My brother was 9 years older than her and I  was six,so she was the "Baby".However me and my brother fussed over her more than my parents I think.
None of us were spoiled though,different times,no gadgets etc for us.We just played outdoors all the time.Oh and we get the boys favoured up here too at times by some mothers."Scottish mammies" syndrome.
kattymieoww
Reference:
I thought I was treated unfairly and preference was shown to my brother. On reflection I believe that my brother felt he was treated unfairly and preference was shown to me. On further reflection I know that we were both treated fairly, neither of us were shown preference and we were both equally loved.

That's a great answer Brisket.

My mum has lots of children. She definitely has preferences

When I was growing up it was my older sis....... my mum was pretty good at treating us equally so it never bothered me, but my sis told me when we were both in our twenties that my mum used to tell her all the time that she was her favourite. Cheeky cow!

These days I'm the fave....... mostly cos I'm the sensible, responsible one that doesn't ask for money or cause her any trouble. I'm undecided whether it's a compliment or not.
Ducky
growing up I don't remember any preferences as such...   I have a brother 3 years younger than me.  He had it easier than me in that I broke my parents in to the ways of the teenager..  I basically paved the way for him to go wild in his teenage years, without it causing the shock, outrage, upset & wailing when I did it.

Twas soooo wasted on him!    

As adults...   I think there was a time when my brother was definitely the golden child, but having him live with them for 6 months tarnished that image...     he's definitely tin boy now! 


I have a daughter, and a son 5 years younger.   Very different relationships with them (due to gender & age)...   but I love them both as much as its possible to love anything.  So no... no preference (There are times when I could happily throttle them both!)
Dirtyprettygirlthing
Reference:
I'm sure a fair few Irish posters will bear this out but a lot of Irish mothers from the 60s and 70s lived and breathed for their sons!

That does seem to be the case Pengy but my MiL who is only a few years older than my mum is the opposite,the difference she makes is with her daughters as opposed to her sons....Either way making a difference is wrong on every level and it's very damaging .
~Lee~
I don't think my parents had favourites, although my late brother and I used to joke that the other one was the favourite. My mum still tends to fuss over my adopted brother but that's because he has learning difficulties and needs support.
My in-laws make no effort to hide the fact that they have favourites, both with their children and grandchildren. Hubby and my sons are not the chosen ones.
I have three sons and love them all equally. I have different relationships with each of them, and there are times when one might need me more than the other two, but they all know I am always here for them.
Yogi19
My younger brother was the favourite as a child and still is as an adult.  All his faults (of which there are many) are constantly glossed over.  He lives with my widowed father completely free of charge, has his debts paid off for him by the Bank of Dad, has access to my Dads debit card/pin number despite being caught plundering our mothers account for his own benefit shortly before she died.

Smarting Buttocks
Reference:
I have three sons and love them all equally. I have different relationships with each of them, and there are times when one might need me more than the other two, but they all know I am always here for them.
Exactly.....When mine were younger what one got they all got,across the board emotionally or financially I made no difference.
~Lee~
I always felt my mum favoured my brother and my dad me but looking back i think it was just jealousy over my older bro being able to do things i wasn't allowed too do  my mum and dad have helped me out over the years and they have given the same amount of cash to my brother even though he would have never known what they had done for me, i have only 1 child and she is my fav
Aimee
Lee, I didn't know about your dad.  I knew he was ill, but didn't realise he'd passed, I'm so sorry

My parents didn't have a favourite child per se, it was one rule for the boys and another rule for me.  Still is   My sis came along when we were 13 and my older brother was 16, so she kind of grew up seperately, so there was no way of telling whether she got a better time than us.  She may have got an easier time because my folks would have had more cash so were able to provide her with more, but there was no 'one-up-manship' about it.
Temps
Reference:
And I think that's the first time I've ever admitted that yes, I do feel differently towards my kids and I dont like what I've just admitted but it actually feels good to admit it and I know I need to try to sort it out before the kids get any older.

Fair play to you admitting it to us all xx

I'm the eldest of two, my mom always treated me and my brother equally, she made a point of it, my stepdad always had (and still has tbh) a little soft spot for me, not so much that my brother ever picked up on it, we just get on really well and always have

I have 3 kids myself, 2 daughters aged 8 and 5months and a son aged 7. I have tried to parent the way my mom did and be exactly the same but daddy makes it hard as he is a bit softer on our eldest daughter, so i feel the need to compensate with our son. Daddy thinks boys and girls need parenting differently as they learn and grow differently, which i can see his point but i dont think a child would understand that and may feel left out as a result.

We both love all 3 very much and these are just little differences in the way we parent them and in no way means we love one more than the others.

An intresting topic though!
Jen-Star
Last edited by Jen-Star

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