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I decided to let my daughter (15) to go to her first yesterday, it was for a 15yr old boy that was killed in a motorbike crash on our estate, she seemed ok in the morning but since then has been questioning me about what will happen to the body now it's buried etc and she mentioned that some of her mates have been talking about how many people would turn up if they died (there was about 400 school kids following the horse and carriage), i've told her they shouldn't be thinking of things like that, i'm just finding it abit hard with some of the things she's asking, i still think i was right in letting her go though

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Death has become a tough subject to talk about in our society, Aimee. I have some experience of this - I've been working as a bereavement counsellor for two years now.

The way I feel about it is that we shouldn't hide death away and make it something shameful or fearful. Yes, there are questions which are hard to answer and many that we don't even know the answers to. This shouldn't stop us from talking about it though. I've seen the harm that's done when people aren't "allowed" to talk about death and grief, and anything which helps alleviate that should be welcomed.
PeterCat
I really don't think you can generalise. Depends on the maturity and the relationship to the deceased. My kids were only 7, 8 and 10 when my Dad died. They all wanted to be there .......they loved their Grandad. I allowed them to go and good friends were at the back of the church with them in case it was too much. I think it helped with 'closure'.
Soozy Woo
It's hard to say Aimee.  I know we wondered when my mammy died should we let my niece go to the funeral as she was only 8 years old.  We did in the end and although she cried a lot especially at the internment at the grave, she was fine after.

I personally went to funerals at a very young age in Ireland and I feel personally it helped me cope with death and the rights and rituals that go along with it.  I do sometimes feel that in this country that as Peter said, people are afraid of it and I don't understand why.

It's good that she's asking questions as it will get her to accept this boys death.  She's almost certainly struggling to understand why him    just be there for her and try and support her as best you can. 
FM
Reference:
Death has become a tough subject to talk about in our society, Aimee. I have some experience of this - I've been working as a bereavement counsellor for two years now. The way I feel about it is that we shouldn't hide death away and make it something shameful or fearful. Yes, there are questions which are hard to answer and many that we don't even know the answers to. This shouldn't stop us from talking about it though. I've seen the harm that's done when people aren't "allowed" to talk about death and grief, and anything which helps alleviate that should be welcomed.
Yep, I agree with all that.
Leccy
Oh gosh..depends on the adults involved.My mother died,nearly 14 years ago.My sisters kids would be...err...9..7..and 3. at the time. They went to the mass ,but not the cremation...I didn't even go to that.Kids are more accepting of death than us so called adults..My  other niece who I've helped raise.lost her mum at Two and sadly her dad, my brother three years ago.She was an orphan at 19.Very hard on her.
kattymieoww
Mine might be a controversial view, but I would say at about age 5 - death is a part of life.  My father died when I was nearly 3 and I dont remember it.  I think memories good or bad are memories.  If I was old enough to remember I would have liked to have been there when my daddy was laid in the ground - at least I would HAVE BEEN THERE and not treated like he meant nothing to me   Its a very difficult and emotive subject, but children adapt and shouldnt be shut out of such things - because such things happen in life
BS
I see what you are saying Aimee, I can understand that maybe your daughter wasnt involved/around when her g/grandmother had her funeral/burial/cremation or whatever.  It has GOT to be difficult for a small child to understand that someone they once loved is 'under that bit of grass' or their ashes have been 'spread here' or something.  Its a very difficult thing to do - but children are not stupid and I think the confusion etc arises when they are excluded from things - such as a funeral or burial/cremation.  At some point or other children have to be told that 'so and so' has died and they will never see them again - it doesnt help (IMO), if they arent included in the 'death' process and are therefore scared of death (if that makes any sense??)
BS
I suppose its different where ever you go, at my brothers funeral and many others I've seen toddlers being carried in to see the body and pay respects, I would'nt do this personally as I never let mine see him though they were there but mr stonks picked mini up to leave and mini saw my brother by accident, for a long time after he would cry and drag at his dad if he saw him asleep so it did disturb him but 15 is well old enough in my opinion....
stonks
When my FIL passed, my children were 14 and 10, I gave them a choice, I asked if they wanted to go.  My son who is the eldest came and my daughter didn't come to the funeral, but came to the wake afterwards. I think it is personal choice and depends on the relationship involved. It is good that she is asking questions though, as its as though she is processing the information through her system and vocalising it, not bottling it all up
LGS

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