I saw some of those BB observations in his book, but not this bit:

"Maxwell is a goon, a berk, a gurgling bore, a ham-eyed poltroon and a great big swaggering chump. There are only two things in life he passionately cares about: whether Arsenal win and whether Saskia (who could pass for Giant Haystacks' sister on a dark night) wants to blow him. If I ran the country, people like that would be chemically neutered the moment they learned to rut."

I bloody love Charlie Brooker!

Charley's name is fitting, because listening to her ceaseless self-centred rambling is PRECISELY like listening to a dreary cokehead chewing your ear off at 3am with a punishing soliloquy about what they're like and what they think and what the really great thing about them is. Frighteningly, Charley's not on coke. Can you IMAGINE what she'd be like if she was?

Actually, there's no point imagining. She'd never get hooked in the first place. Pass her a mirror with a white line on it, and she'd automatically blow it out of the way to get a better look at herself. She can't strut past any vaguely reflective surface without compulsively pouting and checking her hair. Stand Charley in front of a weeping widow at a funeral, and she'd command her to keep still while she checked her reflection in the teardrops.

"Mario looks like a Spitting Image puppet of Sly Stallone crudely whittled from a gigantic boiled ham by a madman in a hurry. His neck is 10 times wider than his skull and resembles a weightlifter's sunburned thigh atop it sits the head of a cartoon Roman locked in a permanent "O-Face". Thanks to his expression, Mario looks faintly smug and self-righteous, but this is an illusion: in reality, he's VERY smug and self-righteous. And obsessed with health and safety issues."

Brilliant. That's old bacon-face to a tee..