Exactly Ditty - happy and nice is what it was.  Loosing him was not nice so maybe when I speak of it as a nice death people would think I was being cold as well but I was so happy that he didn't suffer.
My MIL did suffer but the Doctor gave her enough medication that she went into a deep sleep before she died.  She was resigned to it and her faith brought her through it.  She hated even having a cold so it was amazing to see her accepting what was ahead.    I'm not very religious but I do believe that someone gives us strength to cope with things.  
15 mins before my MIL died her eyes opened up and she started at the bedroom wall.  I am convinced she saw this 'Light'  and hopefully her Mum & Dad waiting for her.  
That helped the family get through it.  They feel she was moving on and her lovely Mum was waiting for her.

No apology needed but thanks for the kind words. I feel I've stirred up a hornet's nest. I was young when I lost loved ones so probably felt it more than he does. I don't know. I suppose I feel bad because I picked up on it knowing I just don't like the guy anyway so my views would be biased. Not really fair in this context.

Ta veggie,it's all good memories etc.puts this lot into perspective..but then it's just a daft T|V show  in the end.
Oh Guvan Gollun is  into overdrive...

Don't feel bad.  He is a bit of a prat.

Nah don't feel bad, it's a good subject to debate and you meant no harm.

We all judge peoples actions to some extent based on our feelings for them, that's only natural too.

yeah... don't feel bad OP.

I agree its a sensitive subject...   in many ways the taboo of talking about it fueled my issues with it all.   & having never lost an immediate family member, someone in my daily life, I find myself too scared to discuss it, not knowing if it will offend or upset.

I don't think anyone would believe how much I have got out of this thread.  I always feel sad when I read posts by people who are hurting, its rare to be able to read how people come to terms with these things.   (again... my wording is crap here).

Anyway..  as I said...  things I have read in here tonight have given me comfort.

You are incredibly lucky! However (as you obviously know) it happens to us all at some point and nothing can prepare you. In my experience - the love and support of those close to you is everything - and - although it is always incredibly hard - somehow, eventually you move on.

You're so right Soozy.   It's part of life unfortunately.  You amaze yourself at how you have got through it.  
I also believe kids should not be shielded from death and the grief that comes with it.  They need to understand what is happening so they can work it out in their own way.

That's a tricky one. Some kids understand what has happened and some don't. I was one of the ones who did. The ones who don't really do need to be shielded in my opinion.

I'm really not sure how you shield kids from it. When a loved one is suddenly no longer there it has to be explained ............there is no easy way to explain it but shielding ie, lieing really isn't the way to go IMO. It is part of the fabric of life ...................hopefully it'll happen at an age whereby they can understand but I really don't see how you can shield anyone from it.

I didn't see last night's episode but reading this thread here is my take on it.
The death of JJ's father unexpectedly explains a lot of his behaviour to me. This man is ANGRY! Anger is one of the stages of grief. He may also be in denial - hence the shrugging off of the whole situation.  Therefore he has built this defensive barrier around himself so he does not get hurt again - a sort of kill or be killed mentality.
How do I know this? I lost both of my parents in a very short time and quite frankly was a pain in the wotsit to live with . I was agressive, defensive, argumentative. Counselling helped me..
Of course this is pure conjecture and it may just be he has the ability to just move on.

I also do not think that any time is better to lose loved ones - whether you are 5 or 50, they are still your precious people and it still hurts.

I lost my Dad 12 years ago and felt nothing about it (a drunken violent b*****d to be honest), I kept being told it will hit you soon but it hasn't 'shrug', however the thought of losing my Mum feels me with absolute terrror.  She was/is Mum Dad, friend and the thought of being without her is unbearable. We all deal differently, my Dad died of lung cancer and although I didn't want him to suffer I refuse to look back at him with rose coloured glasses and for me his passing was more of a relief than anything.

Really interesting thread OP  It was an enlightening read.

much as i currently dislike jj, i don't think his  reactions to  his father's death are either uncaring or callous.

accepting fate in unacceptable circumstances is a way of dealing with it, otherwise you'd be screwed up forever looking for answers where there are none. 

and having talked about in the tone and terms he did doesn't invite further discussion, imo he was proctecting himself,from having it chewed over by people he hardly knows.

Very true Han, this is a guy with a lot of hurt in his life.  He probably hasn't come to terms with it so far.

Menty! 

You've just said the other big unspoken thing... that's in my head.   The "is it wrong to feel nothing about the passing of a family member who made your life a misery"  thing.

Ok... I just deleted the mega long waffle about my Dad...    cos it went in a big circle...  and I know things are the way they are...  it ain't me, it is him and I won't let him bully me into helping boost his ego at the cost of my own self worth!     I would love a decade or longer, with my Mum without him about though.   I know that sounds horrible... but I would.

Ditty   I know how you feel, I hate the fact that some people make you feel guilty for not caring, but this whole don't speak ill of the dead annoys me coz just because they've gone doesn't change what they were.  I am lucky that I get to spend a lot of time with my Mum, she lives with me and my family, and the difference in her since he's been gone is incredible.

I wouldn't castigate JJ for not bearing his soul over his dad's death on a show like BB....all they and the general public need to know is that JJ's dad died...if indeed they need to even know that much.

I'll never forget my Dad who died in 1989.....and when I'm travelling and see a beautiful view I often think that Dad would have loved this....he loved to travel himself. On the other hand I keep such things to myself I don't start publicly weeping and wailing about it.