I dont think it's right to change who you are because someone has decided to bully you!

Everyone has an inner strength and while its scary the ONLY way to deal with a bully is stand up to them (that's from personal xp of being bullied btw)

My view is that we pass this way but once.
You can't afford to waste your valuable life working in such a situation and you owe it to yourself to change it. If it means "changing who you are" then so be it. In my experience no-one else is going to sort it out for you. As you say, you have to stand up to bullies.

I agree Joe, that's the thing about bully's though they pick on people they assume are weak so when you stand up to them you make them rethink their choice in victim.

I haven't really been bullied at work but was really badly bullied in high school by a large group of people, until i bumped into two of them in street one evening, i beat the living daylights out of one of them and apart from her mum coming round my house unhappy about it (until i pointed out what a bunch of bullies her whole family were) i was never bullied after that.

Hence my view point on bullying in general

A few tried it on with me in the past at their cost.Just because a person is easy going doesn't mean they're a push over.Nip it in the bud is my way of doing things as soon as they try it come back at them.

Doesn't standing up to a bully tend to make them worse if they're the type who bully because they enjoy it?  You become a challenge then.  Others bully, I think, because they have low self-esteem themselves and put people down so that they're relatively higher up.  In other words, it matters what type they are to how you should respond.

Two jobs back, my manager was a bully and he bullied everyone, targetting particular people as he saw fit.  That was quite stressful simply because the environment was quite hostile.  My current manager is inclined to bully because he doesn't have a great deal of confidence and lacks managerial experience.  When he tries it on with me then I abuse him back.  When he tries it on with my colleagues then I stand shoulder to shoulder with them.  I feel sorry for him, really, but it's unpleasant because managers, in my opinion, should head a team and feel responsible for them.  This guy imagines himself as better because of his position rather than differently responsible for stuff in the team.  That said, being a line manager is a very difficult job.

i had a case a few years back, where one of  my supervisors,  'jokingly' batted  a trainee around the head.they did it right in front of my desk so i can accept it was done humorously in  light of the convo we were having.

the trainee went  to have lunch and  emailed me from another desk saying he as pretty upset about it.I had no choice but to report it to HR. 

The supervisor lost her job after an investigation and her refusal to accept that it was inapropriate behaviour because ' we were just joking around'  the worst crime she committed was to 'attack' a junior member of staff thereby abusing  her position  and the fact she did it in a room full of people thereby causing him humiliation.

It's a risky business But dating from school onwards I can only remember one psycho bully. The rest of 'em are cowards.

I definitely agree with those 2 points Joe.

And yes, HR are usually useless.  HR departments manage human resources issues on behalf of the company.  They're not impartial and they have the welfare of the company as a whole as their drive.  That said, the company has a legal duty of care and reported harassment which is not handled is a breach of that.  My HR department, when I talked to them very recently, did exactly what GJ said: made excuses for the manager without any real foundation of that support.

Absolutely
 I am old enough to remember when they didn't. Though TBF I worked for one of those large paternal firms who built towns and facilities.

That is why I have remained a member of the GMB and have a GMB clearly visible as a coaster on my office desk.  I work for a large firm of solicitors with a number of equity partners in charge. It's bizarre (or mebbe not so) how speedily perfectly nice solicitors become weird freaks once they join the "club". For a period of about 3 years I was stuck with one of the more junior equity partners - a lot of confidence baggage himself - who indulged in all sorts of bullying power ploys to boost his own sense of self worth. Since I was going through a vile divorce at the same time it was probably the most horrendous period of my life. One I could have coped with - two dragged me under.I was lucky and managed to move into a different team. But I know from chat with colleagues he's still up to the same old, same old. And no one will do anything - they'll close ranks faster than you can say "Sue me". 

What is true though is Nietzsche's little nugget - "What does not destroy me, makes me stronger". I have never come so close to despair. But when it came to it I dug my heels in. I am a tough old bird these days and have a reputation in the office for being a bit of an old battleaxe.  Between that and my GMB coaster I hope I'm beyond any more hassle.

a lovely  battleaxe though..

I never thought I'd be bullied... but I was at work.  by my manager.  there's bugger all you can do about it.. she hated me, wanted to make my life a misery, & was a complete & utter nightmare to me for the year I worked for her.

It got so bad that I did see a solicitor, and at one point (when she rammed her finger into my face and held it there whilst snarling at me, face almost touching mine) I considered the police.

I got out... she didn't chase me out (though to be honest it wouldn't have been long before I would have given up and run)... my old manager came back and offered me my old position back with more money & higher grade (the reason I'd left it in the first place)... in fact - the new offer put me on an equal grade to the bullying manager!

But... I can only smile at this now cos it was 6 or 7 years ago.   The whole thing left scars that took a long long time to heal.

WHAT??!

I worked in local government  years ago.I was a supervisor.. you couldn't bladddy sneeze without someone taking the hummph!
Endless courses about rights, etc.
Now don't get me wrong,where there was a genuine cause  of complaint etc,full backing from the union etc.(however too many freeloaders etc spoiling it1)

Yeah!...  thing is that wasn't the worst of it... its the way it starts... its subtle & at first you think it must be you.   The first three months she stripped me of all my confidence in my own abilities and I thought I was going round the bend.  However, then, bit by bit, she did things that I knew were wrong... and gradually I began to realise it wasn't me.. it was her.

There were a lot of other people who witnessed it all though, people who knew what was going on, but refused to acknowledge it.   By the time I KNEW it was happening... suddenly the odd person would witness something (which I was by then completely used to) and say "oh... actually I don't think thats very fair", or (from a Trust Bullying Contact Officer, who we were working with on a different project to my boss, in front of me) "I don't feel comfortable referring to "Ditty" in this manner"....

I came away with absolute belief in myself... having gone there with my confidence having come from what other managers and people told me I could do....  there I was stripped of everything, made to feel worthless, & useless... but gradually realised I was good... I could do my job well... IF given a chance...

the only question I had was why had she taken me on in the first place... and I think the answer to that must be that she had had to... I was by far the best qualified & experienced person for the job...  but I think I was too experienced and she knew I knew some of her professional history (from working in my old job).

Was a bad bad time though.

Bloody hell Dits That's horrible. When I was reading about the pattern of behaviour, it's not that different from a domestic violence situation. Always putting someone down, making someone feel everything is their fault, control etc. Unfortunately, it's not uncommon that a lot of mid Management do feel threatened if they are managing someone who on paper, is equally if not more qualified then them. The problem is you try to do your job to the best of your ability, try to be creative and seek new ideas, be a team player and Manager feels threatened by this. Of course a good Manager would encourage it and support you all the way.

I had a situation a couple of years ago with an Employer where it was slightly similar to yours. The difference was I had been doing the job fine for about a year, then all of a sudden everything changed when the company was taken over (it wasn't just me, there were 5 of us in the UK division all affected). The targets rose by a ridculous level, working conditions became intolerable, it was micro management in the extreme. It really was horrible and all 5 of us left within a few weeks.

As I've got older and have added more and more to my CV I have noticed these sorts of things in the workplace and have been subjected to unfairness and it drives me mad. There's nothing worse than working for an employer or being managed by someone who doesn't want to see you progress or tries to prevent your growth with the company. I've managed before so I've been on both sides of the fence, which is why I have no tolerance for crap anymore.

My friend is the same, she works for the Government, and where she can see that things are a complete shambles and recognises areas where things would work better, she is shot down for showing interest, instead being told to 'just get on with the job', even though the conditions are preventing her from doing her job to the best of her ability.

It's such a catch 22 cos no-one wants to lose their job, but at the same time you want to showcase your ability and if you're prevented from doing that, you end up resenting the job to the point where you want to leave.

No-one should have to tolerate the abuse you did though, I mean shouting in your face and poking their finger in your face? WTF?? That's disgusting. Glad you got out of there and good for you for sticking up for yourself, but what a shame you were the one who had to leave.

It is similar to domestic abuse in that there is an intangibility to it to begin with.

& yeah... lessons learned and all that... I'd gone from having the best boss ever, he was my mentor... to then having a succession of nightmare female bosses.. of which this witch was one of them.

I too have managed staff... & I don't get the bitchy bosses mentality.. cos for me two of my biggest feel good moments at work were watching two girls who had potential,  fulfil it.. and then fly with it.

I'm quite philosophical about it now (dunno how else to be about it really)..  its given me a huge insight into what bullying is really all about, and how subtle it can be.

However, when I return to work.. I won't be going back to the public sector..  I know it happens in the private sector, I've worked there too... but at least you have a bottom line there.... profit!