probably being a tad oversensitive, i got asked the same until i had a second. BUT if you had difficulty concieving,carrying or giving birth....then it's your right to feel sinsitive about it....not everyone can go through it all again for whatever reason.
people dont mean any harm by it though

Awwwww Lazybug I don't think you are being too sensitive.. .. your family is your own business..... but on the other hand, people probably don't realize the hurt they are causing you

trying to edit my post but wont let me!
just wanted to add that people dont mean you any harm especially as they dont know your past

A lot of people who have one kid get asked the same and it drives them mad.  Just tell people who ask that it's none of their business.  Some people don't mean any harm when they ask it though

Arwen (angelicarwen)... gets asked it too Lazybug.

But, I have read your blogs... I absolutely understand how these questions must tear you apart.

My friend & her partner chose to just have the one.... but she used to get asked it too.

I dunno what the right response is... personally in your shoes I would probably be shouting eff off at them.

I have one child...after being told I couldn't have any, so let 'em ask and make up some guff about saving the planet by not having more. If that doesn't work...tell 'em to eff off

No, I don't think you are being at all over sensitive.  It is something that has always made me very, very angry as well.  I had one child becuase I only wanted one.  Having gone through the horrors of pregnancy, childbirth, and looking after a young baby, it isn't something I would ever have willingly gone through a second time.  I don't understand the expectation by so many people that all females must want to breed like rabbits. 

i get asked it all the time as well  what does it matter to anyone else why you only have a one

Once was enough whats it to YOU?!

Lazybug

I'm in my late thirties and don't have any children so you can imagine the questions my husband and I get all the time. 

It really isn't anyone else's business. In fact a friend of mine only has one child and  she was very angry the other day when a colleague of hers made a comment to her about an "only child being a lonely child"

Why can't someone people just accept that we are not all "2.4" families and just because they have been blessed with, or chosen to have had, more than one child it does not mean the rest of us must follow suit.   

Oooh I'm all angry now too

I'm afraid that the only way to get it through their thick heads, is to tell them the truth and, hopefully, they would never ask that question again!

Lazybug, I think you have every right to be angry and upset, it is something that does hurt. People don't realise and can think they are showing concern.
I went thro. loads of unsuccessful IVF treatments and cried a lot. It never helped me when people asked how it was going and don't worry it will work next time. cos it didn't work for me

I'm sure they don't mean any harm in asking, but that's no consolation to you.
People always used to ask me "When you going to have a baby then?" "Isn't it time you had one?" and all those type of questions.
It used to irritate the hell out of me, and upset me, as I was undergoing fertility tests, and ops and things, and didn't feel it was their right to know this.
Eventually, I was told I was unlikely to ever have children, and, in time, accepted this, only to find, 4 years later, that I was expecting!
Then the same questions as you get asked started. I understand fully where you are coming from, and I used to feel like telling them it's none of their business, but never did, as I'm too polite! What's wrong in spoiling an only child anyway. Mines grown up to be quite well-balanced, and I'm sure we spoiled her!
Having an only child, for whatever reason, is perfectly acceptable. As I said, they don't mean any harm. Just tell them that you'll wait and see if they ask you if you're only having the one. You don't need to go into any detail, and that covers everything.

The thing is Lazybug that those who have had their children without any trouble and who can afford to have more than one or two don't always register the fact that there are people out there who have gone through no end of hell to have a child.

I find people who are complacent in their easily won happiness don't always think through the reasons why others aren't in there with them.

I get asked all the time about my single status. And when I say - yet again - that no, I'm not seeing anyone I get that doleful, sad look and head shake - maybe a gentle hand patting my shoulder and a "Never mind, it'll happen when the time is right/when you least expect it/when you're ready..." The assumption always is that I MUST be looking for a partner just as you MUST want to have another child.  

My own preference would be to go for a brutal response next time you're asked. Stop trying to soft soap them by being vague and polite. They're not being polite asking you personal questions so why should you? Say something that'll make them squirm for even asking. Doesn't even have to be true. Nothing travels faster than total embarrassment and if they think there's an "embarrassing" reason word will get around and you might stop getting hassled. 

Either way it might just be worth it to see the expression on their faces.  

Ain't that the truff.

I was going to suggest that earlier but didn't dare!  It's very therapeutic.

As Ditty said above. I get asked that constantly. I even made a thread about it. Called something like 'How many children should I have' It's still on here somewhere if you want to take a look

At the moment I don't feel like I could give another child (and the one I have already) everything I should. Monetary and time wise so I'm sticking to one.

Never say never though

Oh and I carried my baby fine , it's just a personal choice at the moment.

Tell them to bugger off

I don't think you're being oversensitive. People think that when it comes to kids and family they have the right to stick their beak in and ask questions they shouldn't.  My bro and sis in law have one child.  None of us have ever asked if they're having another, she's 6 now so I'm taking it if they were they would have by now.  But who cares? We have little Ellie and she's a wonderful little girl, there's no need to ask for anything more.

When my mam had my sis, a neighbour stopped her to look and said, 'oh isn't she gorgeous thinking she's the scrapings of the barrel!!!!

I remember your thread Angelic, and I can understand what you mean.  It's hard to think that there might come a day when Finn will have a little sibling andour attention will be divided.  Not to mention that I am actually physically terrified of going through the same bloody crap again

I understand how you feel.

We actually wanted more than one, but after an ectopic pregnancy, which nearly killed me, then a miscarriage many years later, then the hysterectomy which finally made me accept that I could never give my son a brother or sister...  I've had my share of people assuming I just wanted one child to spoil rotten.  I don't get angry anymore.  I just regard them as ignorant.

Thank you, thank you, thank you all for all replying and telling me I'm not being that stupid over sensitive woman I thought I was.

I have agonised over posting this thread as I know that sometimes you read or hear things that makes you feel silly but all of you have made me feel all warm inside.

i am so sorry if i came across aggressive in my opening post.

I think next time some dufus asks the 'question' I'll say I haven't got one child but Ive got 4 children but 3 of them are my shadow children and walk away...

Sorry for no personal replies I'm just so tired and need to go to bed...

I love you ALL!!!

when i found out about this baby i actually felt guilty that my youngest wasn't going to be my youngest for much longer . after my eldest being an only child for 6 years it'd taking some getting used to lol.

That's the sprit Lazybug!  You owe it to yourself and all 4 of your children luv. And it will send a very strong message to the dufi who do ask that it is not a choice some have, and that for those for who it is a choice it is theirs alone!

This rang a bell of a different sort with me, because I don't have children and have never wanted them. But try telling your average nosy parker that.

I've lost count of the number of people who have said: "You'll change your mind", "Wait till your biological clock starts ticking" and given me a condescending, I-know-better look while saying it.

Well, I DIDN'T change my mind, and now I'm 44, thankfully it's a question people have stopped asking me. My OH has always known I never wanted kids and has always been fine with it.

But I still vividly remember a female acquaintance at a party berating me for my "selfish" attitude. She only knew me professionally, she didn't know my OH at all, yet apparently I was "cheating" him out of fatherhood. I could have fecking punched her.

Thats ridiculous Deman! These people aren't worth a second thought! Imagine what kind of Mother she must be if she goes around speaking to people like that

My cousin has a very good career as an acturist and categorically doesn't want kids and it drives me round the bend when people say she will change her mind. It's a complete different set of priorities.

She doesn't have any, or a bloke these days. Actually, her own fella got another woman preggers not long after her sermon to me, and ran off with her instead. Oops...

Karma's a bitch....

(and I don't mean the FM )

Me too, I'm often left feeling very inadequate when people mention us not having kids.

I have to agree Lazybug ... it is none of their business!  But I like the idea of just telling them you have 4 ... let them walk away wondering how you keep up, and leave it at that!  Hang in there, there are lots of people who think they are engaging in polite conversation and really unknowingly asking hurtful questions!    Wish you did not have to go through this.

I don't want kids either Deman, I'm 36, and people are always asking me if my clock is ticking...NOOOOOOO!

I had a brief wobble when I turned 40 and it seemed like all my friends were having kids. But one look at their haggard faces, lack of "me" time and Lego-infested houses paid to that!

I'm not knocking people who have the parental urge. If that's what they want, great! But, like you, I think it's bloody rude that some people think it's OK to berate me because I'm not the clucky type.

You need to find an answer that is short and shuts people up because people will never stop asking.

I tried for many, many years to have kids and when I was asked I eventually started saying, "Not everyone is blessed with kids" and the convo always stopped

I can't have kids and used to be asked all the time when we first got married, as I was then in my late 30's very, very near 40.

It's totally your choice and you should be left alone to decide how many children you want or don't want.