I love making people cackle

I agree with all the advice above, I changed my opinion of the situation when you said what he says to you about the panic attacks, having suffered from them myself in the past. Put you first, he should worship the ground you walk on, any man you choose to be with should

Mmmmmm, understand/ kinda agree with much that has been said on here, but not entirely sure what the REAL reason is that you don't want to stay over? Is it because you want him and his son to spend 'quality time' together or that you feel claustrophobic/anxious when you're there?...If it's 'cos you want them to have quality time without you, what are you going to do when you move in together? Stay over at a friend's at w/ends?....Are you getting 'cold feet' re making a commitment to this guy/taking all of the responsibilities of a step-mum role? He sounds a bit insensitive and needy and guess his mum is having her tuppence worth..but might they have a point???? It's hard being a step-mum

I'd dump him to be honest. It's emotional blackmail and a real man would just get on with looking after his own kid the 2 days a week he has to do it. Let's face it he's hardly making it an attractive proposition for you is he, by trying to force you into a situation.

Was just going to say don't give in to emotional blackmail.. You have a right to have your feelings and wishes to be considered as well.

I haven't read through all this 9sorry) but .......................if you dont want to be around then that's entirely your perogartive ....... He's your OH's son not yours and you really shouldn't be made to feel guilty if you're not there.

I'm guessing that it's a whole lot easier for your OH if you're there but .........you really shouldn't have to feel you should be there TBH.

I dont know how serious your relationship is ..................if it's for keeps then yeah maybe you should be trying to build some bridges ....if it's still early on then NO WAY SHOULD YOU BE MADE TO FEEL GUILTY.

It's about your OH and his relationship with his son ...........it may be easier if you're around but ....that's a bit of a cop out if you ask me.

quote:

Originally posted by Mummy Maz:
apparently i'm very selfish and its over if i carry on being selfish...

He seems to have very high expectations of you, which then will become a pressure situation if you don't meet his expectations.... unless you are 1000000% sure you want to grow old with this man I would have to say think very carefully about what it is you want from a relationship...
Don't mean to sound negative, sorry...

quote:

Originally posted by Mummy Maz:
Its really going down the drain here fast, now because i've stuck up for myself i've been told that he doesnt know what he wants anymore as i've offended him, his son and his family. No matter than he's offended me at all, no that doesnt matter because he deems my issues "ridiculous" ... its all very very wrong...

He is completely manipulating you and trying to control things... yikes! so easy to see it when it's someone elses relationship... he does sound very controlling though.. again sorry about neg but had to say something

OK...I stopped reading after the first page but here's my contribution as a single parent of 7 years standing and friend/relative to more than one step parent...

It's important he sees that you are an item - assuming you're serious about that. He must see you as a couple.
However, it's also important he has time with his father, either now or when any other children come along.
My two are now 13 and 14. Their half siblings are 2 and 4. Whilst they love their little siblings dearly they feel frustrated that ALL their time with their father always includes the weens.

It's a tough call hon...but I think you need to listen to what your OH is saying and try to strike some happy medium.

HE might want you to join in everything but I think it's important he also has some time alone with his son.

Sorry if this just repeats everything else.