I get unbearably hot feet...thats a sign innit?
quote:Originally posted by FGG Aka Crocodile Rock:
I get unbearably hot feet...thats a sign innit?
Croc, Scotty, we need to make a menopausal thread, we can't ruin the macabre.
quote:Originally posted by Dirtyprettygirlthing:
Oh, if we've moved from funny but macabre to not funny... just euwwww....
my friend had a kitten. Her boyfriends mates came round for her boyfriend.. but as it was winter and they all had their winter shoes and boots on, she made them stay in the kitchen, but gave them a beer each, whilst they waited for her bf.
One of them stepped back.... onto the kitten. He was a big bloke... it was apparently gross.... and def died immediately!
(oh, and the other blokes all scarpered and left this poor bloke to tell my friend what had happened on his own!)
I know I shouldn't but
Mental images of the murdering brut looking so ashamed and sorry, and soooooooooooooooooooo abandoned!
quote:Originally posted by Cinds:quote:Originally posted by FGG Aka Crocodile Rock:
I get unbearably hot feet...thats a sign innit?
Croc, Scotty, we need to make a menopausal thread, we can't ruin the macabre.
Menopause talk is way way more macabre than bludgoning innocent cats and zombie bunny rabbits!
quote:Originally posted by FGG Aka Crocodile Rock:
I get unbearably hot feet...thats a sign innit?
My feet are always roasting...you could cook burgers on them. I`m thinking about hiring myself out for Summer barbeques.
No the signs are evident Croc..personal.
quote:Originally posted by Dirtyprettygirlthing:quote:Originally posted by Cinds:quote:Originally posted by FGG Aka Crocodile Rock:
I get unbearably hot feet...thats a sign innit?
Croc, Scotty, we need to make a menopausal thread, we can't ruin the macabre.
Menopause talk is way way more macabre than bludgoning innocent cats and zombie bunny rabbits!
I think you are right, the menopause could very well lead in to pet murders
quote:Originally posted by Cinds:quote:Originally posted by Dirtyprettygirlthing:
Oh, if we've moved from funny but macabre to not funny... just euwwww....
my friend had a kitten. Her boyfriends mates came round for her boyfriend.. but as it was winter and they all had their winter shoes and boots on, she made them stay in the kitchen, but gave them a beer each, whilst they waited for her bf.
One of them stepped back.... onto the kitten. He was a big bloke... it was apparently gross.... and def died immediately!
(oh, and the other blokes all scarpered and left this poor bloke to tell my friend what had happened on his own!)
I know I shouldn't but
He was gutted... apparently he 'scraped' the kitten off his shoe on the back door step... and then shouted for my friends bf to come quickly... he told the bf. The bf told my mate... she thought they were winding her up.
The arse still went out with his mates for the night though... although he did clean the remains off the back step first. Bless.. a real gent!
A mate of mine once told me that his sister had been looking after her friends chihuahua. After a few days, she and her husband came back from a shopping trip and saw a paw, nothing else, on the landing. They had this huge, horrible cat whch they presumed had killed the chihuahua and got rid of most of it! So, they picked up the paw and took it round to all the pet shops they could find to see if they had, or could get a chihuahua the same colour!
They didn't find a match and had to admit that the dog was dead when their friend returned!
They didn't find a match and had to admit that the dog was dead when their friend returned!
Thats a well hard cat!!
quote:Originally posted by FGG Aka Crocodile Rock:
Thats a well hard cat!!
It was, practically feral! Had tattoos, the lot!!
Sorry, yet again I`ve missed replying to your posts Ditty..Cinds.
I`m honestly completely dottled. (dotty)
My family and pals love me for it and laugh their heads off but it`s right annoying!
I`m honestly completely dottled. (dotty)
My family and pals love me for it and laugh their heads off but it`s right annoying!
quote:Originally posted by Barolo:quote:Originally posted by FGG Aka Crocodile Rock:
Thats a well hard cat!!
It was, practically feral! Had tattoos, the lot!!
put him on jezza kyle........
My husbands nan had a cat that was the same size as my dog....he saw him fighting foxes and all sorts!
It was the runt as well.
It was the runt as well.
Another mate of mine who is a rather fat priest once told me about the time he visited a family who had just been bereaved to arrange the funeral. He was invited to sit down and sat on what he thought was a child's fluffy toy . . . it was the family Yorkshire Terrier which died instantly!
They kicked him out and got another priest to do the funeral for the dead relative!!
(don't know who buried the dog, though!! )
They kicked him out and got another priest to do the funeral for the dead relative!!
(don't know who buried the dog, though!!
)
Oh... just remembered another... my work friend and his girlfriend (who also worked at same place) had just set up home together... and bought a nice house in the country.
He'd been telling us about how his gf kept inviting their neighbours round... and it was all very grown up etc.
The neighbours went on holiday, and asked them if they would feed the koi carp in their pond whilst they were away. We were in the staffroom, and his gf was at home (on a different shift)... when he got a call from her.... all I could hear was him shouting down the phone "For ****s sake rach... you have to be winding me up... no, no... I'm coming home.. .I don't care Rach!"
He put the phone down.. his face was white as a sheet... I thought she was leaving him or something, and he left work.
When he came back the next Monday he said that Rach had gone to feed the koi and there were dead ones... and some were limply half swimming on their sides near the top.
All weekend he said they tried to save each and every one... but they all died... over 50 huge carp.
The bit that made me laugh was, he was so worried the neighbours would think he'd sold them... he put them all their freezer... each one in a separate freezer bag.. with time of death written on it!
It turned out they all died cos of some bacteria or plankton or something... and it being really hot weather and something else not working! He was shitting himself for days before they came home though!
He'd been telling us about how his gf kept inviting their neighbours round... and it was all very grown up etc.
The neighbours went on holiday, and asked them if they would feed the koi carp in their pond whilst they were away. We were in the staffroom, and his gf was at home (on a different shift)... when he got a call from her.... all I could hear was him shouting down the phone "For ****s sake rach... you have to be winding me up... no, no... I'm coming home.. .I don't care Rach!"
He put the phone down.. his face was white as a sheet... I thought she was leaving him or something, and he left work.
When he came back the next Monday he said that Rach had gone to feed the koi and there were dead ones... and some were limply half swimming on their sides near the top.
All weekend he said they tried to save each and every one... but they all died... over 50 huge carp.
The bit that made me laugh was, he was so worried the neighbours would think he'd sold them... he put them all their freezer... each one in a separate freezer bag.. with time of death written on it!
It turned out they all died cos of some bacteria or plankton or something... and it being really hot weather and something else not working! He was shitting himself for days before they came home though!
No answer was the loud reply 
quote:Originally posted by Barolo:
Another mate of mine who is a rather fat priest once told me about the time he visited a family who had just been bereaved to arrange the funeral. He was invited to sit down and sat on what he thought was a child's fluffy toy . . . it was the family Yorkshire Terrier which died instantly!
They kicked him out and got another priest to do the funeral for the dead relative!!
(don't know who buried the dog, though!!
Bloody hell I snorted laughing at that one
quote:Originally posted by Dirtyprettygirlthing:
The bit that made me laugh was, he was so worried the neighbours would think he'd sold them... he put them all their freezer... each one in a separate freezer bag.. with time of death written on it!
That bit made laugh out loud!!
This thread's brilliant, isn't it?!!
quote:Originally posted by Scotty:
Sorry, yet again I`ve missed replying to your posts Ditty..Cinds.
I`m honestly completely dottled. (dotty)
My family and pals love me for it and laugh their heads off but it`s right annoying!
Ya what Scotty? You're confusing me! but I'll give you a kiss anyway...
quote:Originally posted by Dirtyprettygirlthing:
The bit that made me laugh was, he was so worried the neighbours would think he'd sold them... he put them all their freezer... each one in a separate freezer bag.. with time of death written on it!
It turned out they all died cos of some bacteria or plankton or something... and it being really hot weather and something else not working! He was shitting himself for days before they came home though!
PMSL @ the bagged fish. But I am not a big fish keeper, but even I know you do not swap fish around ponds or tanks willy nilly.
i haven't got any dead pet stories but this thread is making me
quote:Originally posted by Dirtyprettygirlthing:quote:Originally posted by Scotty:
Sorry, yet again I`ve missed replying to your posts Ditty..Cinds.
I`m honestly completely dottled. (dotty)
My family and pals love me for it and laugh their heads off but it`s right annoying!
Ya what Scotty? You're confusing me! but I'll give you a kiss anyway...
Accepted with gratitude Ditty
OK here it goes.... (I did tell this on C4 but will again for posterity)
Our family friend's had an Alsatian that they loved dearly who died and they wanted him buried in their garden. As they were too upset to do it, my Dad volunteered to bury the dog for them. So he went to the vets to collect the dog which was in a black bag, went to their house and dug a lovely deep hole and buried it under a tree.
Meanwhile, the vets phoned up my mum at home in a panic to say that they had in fact given my dad the wrong dog, we sped up to the house to let him know, but arrived just as he was patting the earth down on top and admiring a job well done.
He had to dig up the other dog and bury the right one, but confessed to us that he didn't do as deep a hole the second time around! We still tease him about it to this day!
Our family friend's had an Alsatian that they loved dearly who died and they wanted him buried in their garden. As they were too upset to do it, my Dad volunteered to bury the dog for them. So he went to the vets to collect the dog which was in a black bag, went to their house and dug a lovely deep hole and buried it under a tree.
Meanwhile, the vets phoned up my mum at home in a panic to say that they had in fact given my dad the wrong dog, we sped up to the house to let him know, but arrived just as he was patting the earth down on top and admiring a job well done.
He had to dig up the other dog and bury the right one, but confessed to us that he didn't do as deep a hole the second time around! We still tease him about it to this day!
Needs more dead cats. and perhaps a pony.
None of my ponies ever died while I had them.
quote:Originally posted by Penelope Pitstop:
i haven't got any dead pet stories but this thread is making me
Just make one up, the more outrageous the better
quote:Originally posted by Pol Pot Noodle:
Needs more dead cats. and perhaps a pony.
Do not kill the Pony
Sorry guys all my dead pet stories are really really horrible 
but im loving all yours
but im loving all yours
Go on Kelly...you can't say that then not tell us!!
quote:Originally posted by Cinds:quote:Originally posted by Pol Pot Noodle:
Needs more dead cats. and perhaps a pony.
Do not kill the Pony
I know a horrible one about a pony
quote:Originally posted by The Secretary:quote:Originally posted by Cinds:quote:Originally posted by Pol Pot Noodle:
Needs more dead cats. and perhaps a pony.
Do not kill the Pony
I know a horrible one about a pony
Tell us!
quote:Originally posted by Pol Pot Noodle:
Needs more dead cats. and perhaps a pony.
Dead Cat Story:
A barmaid in our local was distraught when her cat went missing and was showing everyone pictures of it to see if they recognised it. My mate reckoned that he's seen a similar cat lying dead on a building site nearby. He went there to make sure, decided it was her cat and covered it up with a piece of canvas. He told her he thought he had found her cat and took her to it. Then, when he was telling me about it he said, "It was in such a manky state, even the maggots were running away from it!!" I was PMSLing while the bar maid was screeching with grief!!
Meant to add a dead pony story to the last post!
Not so much a story as such - just something that happened.
At a barbecue with friends, the hosts told us that their 17 year old daughter, Emma, was very upset because her horse had died the previous day - it wasn't ill or anything - it just dropped dead!
One of the guests (a colleague of mine) was trying to encourage Emma to join the party - he was shouting up to her window and, getting no response, he shouted "Emma, yoo-hoo", which made everybody think of UHU glue and we all know what happens to dead horses!!
Not so much a story as such - just something that happened.
At a barbecue with friends, the hosts told us that their 17 year old daughter, Emma, was very upset because her horse had died the previous day - it wasn't ill or anything - it just dropped dead!
One of the guests (a colleague of mine) was trying to encourage Emma to join the party - he was shouting up to her window and, getting no response, he shouted "Emma, yoo-hoo", which made everybody think of UHU glue and we all know what happens to dead horses!!