O/T: I got a message today...

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mummymaz

from my dead sister's best friend.

I never knew my sister, i was adopted as a baby and i grew up knowing i had one but never did anything about it until 2006 when i decided i wanted to know

Long story short, my sister was murdered in 2005 by her OH - the rest of the family don't want anything to do with me (don't quite know why but thats another matter)

I found this friend on Bebo through google and emailed her, she emailed me back saying my sister always knew about me and was waiting for the day that we'd meet, she always wanted to know me, always wanted to build a relationship with me - i even look like her

I've never looked like anyone in my life, strange that when you think about it isnt it? Most people can say that they have their Dad's ears or their Mum's nose - i could never say that - till now

The bit that breaks my heart is that i didnt reach her in time, maybe i could have helped her, tried to sort her out and get her away from the monster that eventually took her life... but mostly what gets me right to the very fibre of my being is that she wanted to know me, i was wanted. I feel somewhat at peace now knowing that someone wanted me.

Replies sorted oldest to newest

Queen of the High TeasMember

8/19/092:28 AM

longcatMember

Awwww. Maz I am sure even though your sister never got a chance to meet you or know you, that she is still keeping an eye on you.

8/19/092:29 AM

ScottyMember 10 years

I`m so sorry about your sister Mummy Maz.

What is nice is that she thought about you too.

8/19/092:29 AM

subatomic partygirlMember

Wow, MM. Powerful stuff. Certainly puts perspective on the BB drivel. It's sad...and I'm sorry.

Take a certain consolation in the fact that although you never met, you both 'had'(even though you didn't know it). And still do. ~x

8/19/092:33 AM

Former Member

Mummy Maz

you may not have known your sister but you know an important fact and that is that she wanted to know you. It's a natural familial response

8/19/092:34 AM

mummymazMember

quote:
It's a natural familial response

thanks you guys, it does put some stuff into perspective doesn't it?

Pengy i have a brother aswell ... am scared to contact him though..then again i was too scared to look for my sister and she died before i found her... maybe i should just do it?!

8/19/092:38 AM

longcatMember

quote:
Originally posted by Mummy Maz:
quote:
It's a natural familial response

thanks you guys, it does put some stuff into perspective doesn't it?

Pengy i have a brother aswell ... am scared to contact him though..then again i was too scared to look for my sister and she died before i found her... maybe i should just do it?!

If I was you I would try to contact my brother but also prepare myself for the possibility that he doesn't want to know. You have nothing to lose and a brother to gain.

8/19/092:40 AM

KaffsMember 10 years

Oh Maz - I'm covered in goosepimples after reading that. I don't know what to say.

8/19/092:41 AM

Former Member

Oh Mummy Maz...

Knowing your sister wanted to have a relationship with you is certainly something to cherish and I'm pleased it has brought you some peace.

8/19/092:42 AM

LGSMember

MM I'm so so pleased that you found some peace from this, I know from what you have said in the past that this is something you have wanted and longed for.

8/19/092:43 AM

The Devil In DiamanteMember

MM, I also have goosebumps reading that...and we want you..here!

8/19/092:44 AM

duchessMember

8/19/092:44 AM

MozartMember

WOW what an emotional rollercoaster you are on, both uplifting and low, but as you they say there is nothing you can do to help your sister and no good thinking if only, but to feel wanted by family is great, and dont delay in trying to contact your brother.

if you are feeling a bit nervous and scared about contacting your brother try getting a good friend to do the groundwork for you first. i wish you good luck and hope that you get to meet your brother.

8/19/092:46 AM

mummymazMember

I had a 3rd party on the case when i had just found out about her death, he said he was a cousin but some of the things he said turned out to be lies.. i have my brother's wife's facebook account to hand, i don't know whether to just write her an email to ask if he wants to speak with me or something... i got rejected so hard by biological mum, it nearly ruined me .. i don't know if i could go through it again with him ..

8/19/092:49 AM

LuxorMember

Crikey!
These real life problems are tough. It is really tough about your sister and I can not imagine the saddnss you feel about the situation.
Contacting your brother may or may not have the happy outcome you wish, but I think you ought to give it a try. Nothing ventured nothing gained as they say.
Good luck to you.

8/19/092:50 AM

Former Member

quote:
Originally posted by longcat:
quote:
Originally posted by Mummy Maz:
quote:
It's a natural familial response

thanks you guys, it does put some stuff into perspective doesn't it?

Pengy i have a brother aswell ... am scared to contact him though..then again i was too scared to look for my sister and she died before i found her... maybe i should just do it?!
If I was you I would try to contact my brother but also prepare myself for the possibility that he doesn't want to know. You have nothing to lose and a brother to gain.

couldn't have put it better Longcat

Maz I'm gonna trot out a little itty poem for you - it's called Late Fragment

And did you get what you wanted from this life, even so?
I did.
And what did you want?
To call myself beloved and to feel myself beloved on the Earth.

We get this from our families whether it's our partners, kids, sister, brothers or even very close friends. When you feel up to it, look for your brother and as Long cat has said, you have nothing to lose but a brother to gain

8/19/092:51 AM

LGSMember

MM, only you know if you feel strong enough to try, we will be here if it isn't the outcome you need and you have your OH and friends to support you, but imo, if it was me, I would do it because the wanting to know would be eating me just as much as what the outcome would be.

I sincerely wish you all the best, but the decision is yours if you decide to, be strong honey luv n hugs Jen x

8/19/092:54 AM

jeanojMember

for Mummy Maz. I hope things work out with your brother - perhaps he is looking for you too?

8/19/092:57 AM

MozartMember

quote:
Originally posted by Mummy Maz:
I had a 3rd party on the case when i had just found out about her death, he said he was a cousin but some of the things he said turned out to be lies.. i have my brother's wife's facebook account to hand, i don't know whether to just write her an email to ask if he wants to speak with me or something... i got rejected so hard by biological mum, it nearly ruined me .. i don't know if i could go through it again with him ..

Awwww Mummy Maz, i really feel for you, but if somebody else does the groundwork then look at it like this if it doesnt turn out favourable then you are not being rejected face to face. it is something that you have to decide and come to terms with, or worry yourself silly wishing you had tried, if you dont go ahead. either way i wish you well

8/19/092:59 AM

mummymazMember

I've asked the friend that emailed me if she knows my brother aswell (i think she does but she's moved out of the area) - i'll see what she says about that - maybe she'll be able to give me an idea of how he'd react to me ...

thank you all for your support, no matter what happens on BB i know you lot will always be hear to listen xx

8/19/093:00 AM

Soozy WooMember

How very sad .............someimes we take our families for granted. I do hope you manage to track down your brother but never forget I'm sure that you're adoptive family couldn't love you anymore than they do already

8/19/093:03 AM

innaisMember

Mummy Maz,your post really moved me. I think the hardest thing for you to come to terms with is the "what ifs?" and "if onlys". It's important to allow yourself to grieve for the lost relationship with your sister. The positive side is that you now know that out there all these years was somebody who wanted to know you and who resembled you and you can draw comfort from knowing that.

I agree with longcat when s/he says: "If I was you I would try to contact my brother but also prepare myself for the possibility that he doesn't want to know. You have nothing to lose and a brother to gain."

Sending you big HUGZ and I'm glad you don't feel too alone and have the support from your friends on this forum.

8/19/093:45 AM

JennyMember

Mummy Maz I found that really touching.

8/19/094:18 AM

shirehorseMember

Blimey Maz. Know it won't help at all but yer always wanted on here.

8/19/094:19 AM

mummymazMember

quote:
It's important to allow yourself to grieve for the lost relationship with your sister

thanks everyone, i appreciated the virtual hugs!!

Innais this is what i feel a bit silly about, i was crying when i read that she wanted to know me, crying for what she went through for the 1st time ever (i didnt really feel i knew her to be upset before all this) - like i was crying for someone i don't know but couldnt help myself

8/19/094:36 AM

longcatMember

quote:
Originally posted by Mummy Maz:
quote:
It's important to allow yourself to grieve for the lost relationship with your sister

thanks everyone, i appreciated the virtual hugs!!

Innais this is what i feel a bit silly about, i was crying when i read that she wanted to know me, crying for what she went through for the 1st time ever (i didnt really feel i knew her to be upset before all this) - like i was crying for someone i don't know but couldnt help myself

I understand it Maz. I lost my twin brother at the age of 11 months yet i grieve for him. I was too small to remember him but i suppose sharing a womb and a crib may have something to do with it. It's not silly and you should allow yourself time to grieve.

8/19/094:41 AM

15:10Member

8/19/094:47 AM

Scooby dooMember

You've always got us forum family MM, whether you like it or not

8/19/095:35 AM

leeleeeMember

8/19/095:58 AM

KayteeMember 10 years

Awwwww! Maz

Others have said it all

8/19/096:05 AM

DirtyprettygirlthingMember

Maz

Its a case of "what could have been"... don't beat yourself up hon, you may have been able to help her, or she may have infuriated you when she didn't take your help.

Unfortunately you'll never know... its one hell of a headf***.

One of my mates is adopted. Hers was a private adoption, and for her an unhappy one, she didn't have a good childhood. So she went looking for her birth parents. She found her mum... and found she also had a sister 1 year older than her, that stayed with her mum.

I respect my friend immensely as she has never blamed her birth mother, and shields her from the true horrors of her adoptive parents.

Funnily enough... it the older sister that is bitter.... she hates my friend, is hostile to her, and jealous of her! Bizarre.

IF you can handle a brush off by your biological brother, then you have nothing to lose. Do it.

8/19/096:10 AM

lisagotnoshameMember

8/19/097:18 AM

PussMember

aww Maz, don't know what to say hun

8/19/097:35 AM

AimeeMember

8/19/097:43 AM

GMAMember

If only - are the two saddest words Maz and I'm so soryy for things not working out earlier and for what happened to your sister and for your pains - but you can guarantee she's your guardian angel out there. See how she got some one to find you regardless of the saddest situation.

...

8/19/097:45 AM

Former Member

Maz

8/19/097:45 AM

EssieMember

quote:
Originally posted by Mummy Maz:
I had a 3rd party on the case when i had just found out about her death, he said he was a cousin but some of the things he said turned out to be lies.. i have my brother's wife's facebook account to hand, i don't know whether to just write her an email to ask if he wants to speak with me or something... i got rejected so hard by biological mum, it nearly ruined me .. i don't know if i could go through it again with him ..

I don't know what to say Mummy Maz

8/19/097:53 AM

langsterMember

Awwwww Maz

Reading all that brought tears to my eyes

I like others, don't know what to say, just I hope you are ok and best wishes for the future, you're a lovely person and had a lot of shit to deal with. My greatest respect to you for dealing with such adversity and truly tough times. You are a very special person indeed. And big hugs to you as well.

8/19/097:59 AM

DemantoidMember

Maz

No point crucifying yourself over what might have been, just keep in your heart the knowledge that she knew about you, and was always thinking of you.

8/19/098:01 AM

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